Hi
I posted a couple of weeks ago regarding DH but I basically included too much incriminating info on my threads (he knows that I use MN) so I had them deleted despite great advice which was all noted. I will run this one for a couple of days and try not to put too much personal info on as I do not want to deprive others of useful advice via subsequent deletion
In summary, we lived abroad for a short while, DH (backed by his awful family) behaved terribly especially wrt physically punishing DS, we came home and after a lengthy wait for legal aid, found a solicitor. She seemed v pro- initiating contact with DH even though DCs were averse to the idea and we are alll anxious about his state of mind/ DV history.
This morning we had just finished breakfast when the doorbell rang - it was SS (unannounced visit). I explained that I would be willing to meet by arrangement though she shouted through the door that there were immediate concerns re DCs not being at school and their safety & that a police officer would force entry in 5 mins time if I did not open up. I just about managed to call GPs who advised that I should open and my father was on his way.
The SW was not that scary but DH has been contacting them regularly with fictitious allegations against me. She even said that she had to "tell him off" as surely he had years to bring these things up prior to us returning to UK. Re school, I said that there were full records at Ed Dept to show the efforts I have gone through to secure school places and we were only waiting to be formally allocated a place for DS. Dh has had her believe that we are cut off and isolated from the world even though we are out loads, learning loads and enjoying the UK again. I also explained that I had found a reply they had written to DH after his first allegation and contacted that and discussed it fully over a month ago. We were not avoiding anyone as they were claiming and if we missed their previous unannounced visits it was certainly not because we were in and deliberately not answering the door.
During all this, I explained how DH had been hitting DS and DS himself spoke to her about this - she explained the main SW will look into this in a fortnight.
The SW obviously got back to DH abroad as a few hours later, my parents and sister receive an email from him with a sob story about how I HAVE REPORTED HIM to SS and alleged that he has abused DS (gaslighting all DV). There is a thinly veiled threat saying that if I persist in these allegations he is going to start a custody battle as by changing the locks and our phone number (with full agreement of solicitor and DCs) I am denying him access to Dcs and turning them against him.
I am now feeling vulnerable from all directions - SS are going to return to do an assessment next week re Ds (I am afraid that we are now in the system forever although Reunite did point out to me that it gives DS a chance to explain how DH has treated him). DH is irrational and a smooth talker compared to myself; I am concerned that he will manipulate this to his advantage.
The solicitor who said I would not qualify for a residence order or PS so we don't even have that protection. Dcs are now going into new schools with SS records. I just cannot believe it.
I want to start proceedings as there is ob no hope of reconciliation and it seems like the best option & will address custody/ property (all mine incl all bills always) issues all at once but the few solicitors whom I contacted never even bothered to call back. I just feel that it is so tragic and so far from what I wanted for our family. I know that I am in a strong position but I feel really sad that he has been falsely encouraged by a couple of ignorant old bullies in his family and is now beginning to realise that he has bitten off more than he can chew. I am so worried for the Dcs as they would simply not be safe alone with him nor do they want direct contact; yet this may fall by the wayside. Also the evidence of his chastisement is abroad for the most part so would be difficult for the courts to access wrt cctv etc
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Really afraid
16 replies
petersham · 20/09/2011 22:47
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