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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

Ex wants to take kids to N Ireland

48 replies

mrscolour · 31/07/2011 21:49

Hi, me and ex split up in February. The children normally see their dad every saturday and every Thursday for tea. My dd (5) has been having overnight stays for a while and ds (2) has only just in the last couple of weeks started to stay overnight with his dad.

As our mediation fell apart, we our now making our arrangments through solicitors which feels like such a waste of money. Over the summer holidays my ex asked for 3 long weekends with the kids and on one of those long weekends for the children to go with him to Ireland to visit his family.

I have agreed to the long weekends as long as overnights were built up gradually for ds but I have not agreed to N Ireland. My solicitor said this was reasonable as ds has only just started having overnights. I am not saying that he cannot ever take them, jsut that it is too soon.

My ex today said he was going to take me to court over this.

My question is - does he have time to get a court order to take them this summer holiday?

OP posts:

Report

Bandwithering · 31/07/2011 21:59

My guess is that he just wants you to give in and say alright. You know him, is he the type to spend a lot of money just so he can take the children to see his family? He can see the children often. He doesn't NEED to go to court for his own sake.

Would his parents give him money ? is he very close to them?

I've had similar issues. I said no.

puzzlesum · 31/07/2011 22:04

Is it the length of time or the distance that's concerning you?

mrscolour · 31/07/2011 22:27

It's the distance really. He wants to take them for a long weekend but ds doesn't have a passport so he wouldn't be able to fly (you need photo id) so he would have to get a ferry which would be a very long journey for a long weekend and a very long journey to do on his own.

His mum has been very disinterested in the children since they were born. When dd was a baby she didn't see he until she was 9 months as she kept putting us off. When we did go over she didn't talk to the children or make any attempt to have a relationship with them so I feel the fact she does not have a relationship with her grandchildren is down to her, not me. If there was a relationship to preserve then I would want to preserve it - but there isn't.

I am also concerned as ex doesn't have a job to come back to after summer holidays so there is also the concern that he might not bring the children back.

OP posts:

mrscolour · 31/07/2011 22:29

Bandwithering - I'm hoping he is just calling my bluff to try and make me change my mind.

His family might possibly help him out financially.

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 31/07/2011 22:33

Could he just take your DD then?

GypsyMoth · 31/07/2011 22:36

thought you were worried about safety issues and the grandparents dogs?? you were last time you posted about this,seems its changed now to distance being the problem?

mrscolour · 31/07/2011 22:44

Yep ILT. I am worried also about the dogs and the safety issues with his family. Nothing's changed, I just didn't list all the reasons as my main reason for posting was to find out how long it might take to get a court order.

OP posts:

hiddenhome · 31/07/2011 22:50

It takes weeks to obtain a court order. He might have one in time for next holidays.

An aquaintance of mine has children in England and their father takes them to NI regularly. She doesn't like it, but it was court ordered. I doubt the court would prevent him from taking them over there tbh. I've been through the family court system and that kind of thing will not bother them. Safety issues are also a low priority as they will consider him to be competent because he's their father. Annoying, but true.

BluddyMoFo · 31/07/2011 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BooyHoo · 31/07/2011 23:01

i dont see the difference tbh in him having them overnight in england or northern ireland. the only thing as you say is the ferry journey, as it's either a long drive for a short ferry trip or a short drive and a long ferry trip depending on where he sails from and where he is driving from. i personally would have no objection to this. children will sleep on long journeys. it wont do any harm. the only thing is, you say you fear he might not return them. why is this mentioned as a little comment on the end of your post. if that was my concern i wouldn't be posting it after saying all that stuff about distance etc, him not returning them would be a far bigger worry than a long journey. is it really a concern or are you grasping for reasons not to allow this?

BooyHoo · 31/07/2011 23:02

and not even in your first post but your second.

suburbophobe · 31/07/2011 23:17

Don't let him take them. They are too young to be taken out of your care to a new place, and especially if granny doesn't seem interested. Is he a good father as in looking after their needs at that young age.?
Especially the 2 year old who has just started staying overnight, there is no reason to whisk him away to another country, 5 years old is bad enough too.

there's completely no jobs in ireland anyway, is he living in a fantasy that he can get work there??

If he doesn't have employment to come back to, how do you know he will come back (excuse me if he has a full life/job prospects to come back to)....

Why did mediation break down? Can he not deal with mediation? Or keep down a job? Why is he wanting to bring the kids to N.I., it sounds like they are just getting used to the situation where you are. Why does he want to uproot them? Just a few things to make you think. YOUR BABES ARE YOUR NR. 1 PRIORITY IN THIS!

Let him take you to court "over this". Let him show he can take care of his children when he doesn't even have a job (how is he going to pay the ferry costs/court costs/children's food and clothing costs while in Ireland?).

I think he is calling your bluff. Don't rise to it. Your children need you to do the right thing by them. (and you!)....

Let him show his kids and you he is serious, getting a new job first, before bringing his children to Ireland. there's always next year.

Stand up for your kids and yourself, don't let him bully you! All the best!

BooyHoo · 31/07/2011 23:22

suburb have you read the OP's posts properly?

he is taking asking to take the dcs for a long weekend to see his family, OP does not say he is uprooting them and moving to NI, she says it is one of her concerns that he wont return them yet you are going on about clothing costs as if he has said he is planning to move them over there permanently!! and i didn't see anywhere that he said there were jobs for him in NI, why are you saying "he is living in fantasy that he can get work there"?

suburbophobe · 31/07/2011 23:29

Do you know anything about where he comes from in NI? Some of those places you I wouldn't want children to grow up in....

suburbophobe · 31/07/2011 23:37

Sorry Booyhoo, I guess you never went to northern ireland. So don't purport you know what goes on in that country. I do.

He hasn't even got a job in England (presume they live there), he pays alimony?

The 2 year old just started going to his/her dad.

And a granny who couldn't care less?

Excuse me if I'm suspicious..........

Did you read the papers about the riots (again) lately?

As long as mum can get there to take them home straight away, no problem.

I'm always for the children.

suburbophobe · 31/07/2011 23:40

Yea, I grew up there, so know more than most of you. Actually.

Collaborate · 01/08/2011 07:23

But unfortunately know little about family law. You refer to a number of issues that are simply irrelevant in this jurisdiction. You refer to alimony. Do you live in America by any chance? Some states have such awful non-child-centred family law rules.

I agree with the posters who say he's likely to get an order for contact. To reply to the original post, should take about 8 weeks to get the first hearing out of the way. The order might be made not long after that - perhaps soon enough for the half-term holiday.

GypsyMoth · 01/08/2011 10:33

Suburb.......have you ever thought that maybe booyhoo lives there BOW, maybe?? Why are you saying all this about NI? Generalising! From previous posts I believe op exh is taking them to the family Farm

GypsyMoth · 01/08/2011 10:33

BOW?? I meant NOW

BooyHoo · 01/08/2011 13:21

haha. lived in northern ireland all my life. i am sitting on my sofa in county down as i type, do you want my address to verify this? not sure what knowing or not knowing northern ireland has to do with this actually. my ex lives in england and i have no issue with him taking my dcs aged 2 and 6 for a long weekend or even a week over there. and yes i saw the news and read the papers. still, i was able to fly in and out of the country last week with no problems at all.

GypsyMoth · 01/08/2011 13:26

I thought you did boohoo!! Lol

All part if great Britain isn't it? Wondering if its GB or just England where you are allowed to take dc without leaving jurisdiction?

BooyHoo · 01/08/2011 13:28

as far as i know NI falls under the UK WRT taking the dcs without leaving jurisdiction, although, it has been about 5 years since i had to know so it may have changed or i may be wrong.

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GypsyMoth · 01/08/2011 13:31

So technically going to NI would be the same as taking dc to next town or village. I don't think he needs to go to court to get permission then if he's not leaving jurisdiction?

BooyHoo · 01/08/2011 13:36

as far as i know yes, but since i was in court, NI now has stormont up and running again so the rules may have changed. best to check anyway.

feckwit · 01/08/2011 13:43

I think you should let him take them after all he IS their dad. Would you ask his permission to take the children somewhere yourself?

It might make him appreciate how hard times are for you if he has a long journey and cranky chidlren to look after - that's what parenting is about. How lovely for your chidlren to get a mini holiday with family.

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