absent biological father wanting access

[bradster]

my son is 12 yrs. his biological father abandoned me when I was pregnant. He saw my son a handful of times when he was a baby and has not seen him for 10.5 years. He has never paid maintenance and told the CSA he wasn't the father!He lives in Dubai. He is taking me to court for access.
He is not on the birth certificate and has no parental responsibility.
I have been told it is in my son's interest to have contact with his biological father but I don't see it this way! My son has had a very stable upbringing with my husband looking after us for 9years now.
I am in a state. I have a solicitor but this could also cost me up tp 7 thousand pounds.

[mumblechum1]

It all depends on whether your son would benefit from contact with his father. Most research shows that children have better outcomes in life if they have a positive relationship with both parents.

Does your son know his dad wants to be in his life?

[GypsyMoth]

of course he has a right to know his bio father.....this is your ds right,and you actually dont have the right to prevent it,regardless of the time gone by/your new husbaned etc etc

BUT,at 12,your ds will be able to have a BIG say in what he wants from this. what do you think he will want?

dont bring up the maintenence issue in court...judges dont like that....just go back to CSA again. not sure if being in Dubai makes it impossible for them,but he surely will realise he will need to pay and cannot dispute he is the dad any longer!!

[GypsyMoth]

also,you could self represent to cut costs

families need fathers is an organisation who are good at advising on this

[RockinSockBunnies]

Essentially, if he's not on the birth certificate and has no parental responsibility, then he'll find it hard to fight to get access.

Putting aside the wrongs or rights of access, I'd advise you simply to ignore him. Don't answer any calls, emails or respond if he goes via a solicitor. Ultimately, unless he can get you summoned to court, then he has very little he can do. Therefore, unless you are forced to go in front of a judge, I would simply take a head in the sand approach.

[GypsyMoth]

parental responsibility is just a formality......granted v easily

wont look good when it gets to court and you've ignored solicitors. especially if mediation is requested before court

[vj32]

Does your son want to see his biological father? Even if he doesn't want a relationship with him he might have questions. Speaking from experience some medical things are more difficult when you don't know your (biological) family background. I would also say it is better for both you and your son to know where his bio Dad is rather than him just being out there somewhere.

Is there any reason for the sudden interest? New partner perhaps?

I wouldn't just stick your head in the sand. It will help you if you appear to have acted throughout reasonably and in your son's best interests, however i also wouldn't act without a specialist solicitor.

As the child of an absent bio father for most of my childhood, I would also say that by 12 your son will be able to recognise who wants the best for him and who has an agenda, or he very soon will. Meeting his bio father will probably just re-enforce for him how settled and happy he is, even if it is confusing at the beginning.

Thats all just my opinion though. I would read up on custody cases and see what you can find out. But as has been said, if he doesn't have PR and name isn't on the birth certificate I think it would be a long legal process for him to gain access.

[STIDW]

Please don't underestimate the importance attached to contact. Not having PR isn't a bar to a father being granted contact. Children who don't know their natural parents or about their heritage tend to grow up with low self esteem leading to emotional and behavioural problems in later on. So, the presumption is contact is in the best interests of children in all but the most exceptional circumstances. Most children want to know their parents and having a relationship with an absent parent is regarded as being better later rather than not at all.

Having said that when a parent has been absent for sometime it isn't unreasonable for contact to be introduced gradually starting off with indirect contact (letters, cards, perhaps phone calls or emails) before the child meets the parent. This can be followed up with the absent parent meeting the child for a half an hour or so and eventually increasing the time. Initially that might involve taking the child to somewhere neutral and then only when contact goes well and the absent parent demonstrates commitment may it eventually take place at the absent parent's home.

My suggestion would be to accept that some form of contact is likely to happen and if possible negotiate arrangements between yourselves, possiby with the hep of a solicitor, mediator or collaborative law rather than waste time and money with court proceedings. Good contact for children relies on parents working together and going through the courts often makes that difficult.

[balia]

How is he going to have contact when he lives in Dubai?

[prh47bridge]

I would agree with others that the advice from RockinSockBunnies is extremely poor. The fact he is not named on the birth certificate and doesn't have PR will not make it difficult for him to get access. Indeed, if he wants PR he will almost certainly get it. And you certainly shouldn't bury your head in the sand. That would not help you if the case gets to court. As he lives in Dubai it is likely that he will have to pay the costs involved in access.

STIDW has given good advice.

[STIDW]

balia wrote;

"How is he going to have contact when he lives in Dubai?"

Parents living a distance apart isn't a reason to deny contact. As I said above initially contact can be indirect through letters, email, Skype etc. Then when the father visits the UK direct contact can be established at a serious of short meetings before the father takes his son out for a few hours and that might eventually include taking the child to wherever the father is staying.

There is no one arrangement that works for all families and if the father lives in Dubai obviously direct contact every other weekend isn't viable but that doesn't mean that regular contact couldn't take place during a few weeks say once or twice a year when the father is in the UK.

When a child lives with one parent, even if that parent's behaviour leaves something to be desired, it is the child's right to know and see the other parent and know about their heritage. One parent harbouring resentment against the other parent is damaging to children who often grow up resenting the parent who denied contact.

[mumblechum1]

OP, what's your view now that you've received advice from the MN lawyers, who (v unusually ) are in agreement on this one?