My ex owes me £10k

[HeOwesMoney]

I've name changed for this due to the humiliation of being totally taken in by someone. I lent my boyfriend £10,000 in the summer. At the time all was good between us and we were planning on moving in together. I had no doubt that he was honest and trustworthy at the time.

Since then I have discovered some lies that he has told and denied. Big lies, about his mum dying when she was alive, about his child injuring herself and being taken to hospital when she was fine, and about the fact that he wasn't actually separated from his ex when we started seeing each other. It's taken a long time to process everything because he is very manipulative and actually made me feel like I was going mad. Now that I've finished with him I feel better than ever.

All I want is my money back, I don't want any nastiness and there is no point confronting him about lies that he will just deny.

I paid HMRC £10,000 on two separate credit cards in June 2010. I've ordered copies of the statements which shows this. But I have no written agreement that the money was a loan and not a gift, this was agreed verbally. I also have proof that he spent £3000 on a van in December 2010 so he has money, just doesn't want to repay it.

He wants to meet me, I have refused because of how manipulative he is and also because I can be strong via text message and come across business like without letting my emotions get in the way. Also with texts I have proof of what is said. I have said I will meet him if he can confirm that he will definitely give me some of the money at the meeting but he will not confirm this. I don't want to talk about the relationship, which he clearly does, as far as I'm concerned there isn't one.

I just want to know where I go from here, I have told him I am happy to accept payment in installments. He has told me that I won't get a penny from him unless I sue him. I've told him it would be better to avoid the extra stress and expense of court and try to arrange things amicably. He refuses.

Please don't tell me how stupid I've been, I already know that.

[LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake]

Do you have a text message that explicitly says he knows you owe him the money and that he's not paying you back?

[Resolution]

You'd better sue him then. As it's for more than £5000 you can recover your legal fees too.

Is this a matter the police would be interested in? Sounds like possible fraud to me? Did he tell you a lie to get you to lend him the money?

[HeOwesMoney]

Yes I have a text that says things can only be sorted if I agree to meet and if I won't meet him then I will have to sue him.

He has also texted lots of manipulative things like I have stuck a knife in his heart and twisted it, which I have not responded to. My texts have remained to the point, which is that I want the money, nothing else.

He didn't tell me a lie to get me to lend the money - I actually contacted HMRC and paid the money direct to them on his business account, so they have my credit card details. So I'm not sure if I should contact the police.

[Resolution]

Might be worthwhile speaking to them. You hear about cases where con men have made themselves out to be something other than they are in order to get a partner to give or lend them money. Is this much different? Didn't he lie to you about his money situation, so you took pity on him not knowing he had a house and a family?

[mousymouse]

can you meet him in a public place with friends at witnesses and get him to sign a statement like:
as verbally discussed on I confirm that the monies payed to < > are a loan. repayment agreed as follows: ...

[HeOwesMoney]

He won't agree to meet unless it's just him and me. He says we have things to discuss other than the money - as far as I'm concerned we don't. I'm a bit scared he might get violent too.

I'm going to have to go down the route of suing him. I really didn't want to, I thought it would be easier for both of us to arrange repayment amicably, but he won't agree to that.

What I'm worried about is that he must think he will get away with it if it goes to court, otherwise he would just pay up now.

[sparks]

Just because he thinks he will get away with it if it goes to court, doesn't mean he will.

[Resolution]

The fact that you put it on your credit card means that, IMHO, the court is bound to view it as a loan. Don't disappoint him. Issue proceedings. See a solicitor, they'll srite a letter before action, then get them to issue. Cancel the meeting with him. Don't dance to his tune. You're free now!

[K12Mom]

DO NOT MEET HIM.

See a solicitor. It might cost you a couple of hundred quid, but is the best bet to get your money back.

[HeOwesMoney]

Thank you all for your supportive advice. I will see a solicitor and take it from there. I will not be meeting him.

[HeOwesMoney]

sorry if this is a really silly question but do I need to find a solicitor who specialises in a certain area?

[K12Mom]

Yes. Not sure which area of law would cover this, but just ring your local solicitors and ask them. Even if it is not their speciality, they should be able to refer you to someone else.

[freshmint]

No you just need someone who does civil litigation. Find a good sized practice in your nearest town with a county court. If you tell me what town that is I'll make some suggestions.

[HeOwesMoney]

Thank you. I'm in Brighton.

[freshmint]

May Wynne Baxter on Dyke Road are good all round and Linda Lamb is a good family partner with experience in this area. Edward Harte LLP also have a big practice with some good lawyers in this area. They are near the pavilion. Either of these would be good. If you are eligible for legal aid, have a look on the resolution.org website which will show you who is competent in brighton and accepts legal aid work.
Good luck

[freshmint]

Oh I'm so sorry I got confused and thought I was recommending someone for the tolata case on another thread!

Ignore those recommendations, they are for family lawyers (duh)

Actually either of those practices would be fine, but phone reception and ask to speak to a civil litigator. Howlett Clarke is also a good litigation firm. Good luck!!

[HeOwesMoney]

Thank you for the recommendations. I will call someone now.

Just want to say, MNetters are great. I was really scared that I would get people saying how stupid I was and that I would never get the money back. Your advice has made me feel really positive.

[freshmint]

You aren't stupid, just trusting - which is a positive characteristic! He is the fucker here.

Make sure you show the solicitor the texts so he/she can transcribe. If thre is a way of printing them off, even better.

good luck

[HeOwesMoney]

Thanks. I've just spoken to a very nice solicitor at Howlett Clarke. The first step is for them to send him a letter, which I will have to pay for.

Do you think it is worth me sending him one final text explaining that I've spoken to a solicitor and they will be contacting him but I just want to give him the chance to pay up before the cost of a solicitor gets added to what he owes?

[mousymouse]

you gave him plenty of chances already...just keep schtum from now on.

[NotActuallyAMum]

Personally I wouldn't. From what you've said about him it doesn't sound like it'd make any difference anyway. You've given him every opportunity to repay this money and he's made it clear you have to sue him to get it back so I'd just get on and do it

If this was me, the first text you get after he gets the letter would be met with "My solicitor is handling this, speak to him/her, I've nothing to say to you". Any subsequent texts would be ignored

This man is a bully, let your solicitor deal with him

[HeOwesMoney]

Just a little update on this. I saw my solicitor for the second time today. At the first appointment back in January she drafted a letter which was sent to him. He replied with a very badly written letter which was almost incoherent. He didn't deny that I had paid the money but said it was a gift.

Anyway at the appointment today she has taken a witness statement from me in preparation as it may well go all the way to court. He will receive a letter from her giving 14days to respond, otherwise court proceedings will begin.

Just want to say thanks again for your advice initially in January. I may not have had the courage to take it this far if it wasn't for that.

[Amateurish]

Just a note of caution - make sure that he has the assets to pay up if you win in court. You will be on the line for the court fees and solicitors costs if he fails to pay. Don't throw good money after bad.

[HeOwesMoney]

Thanks, yes my solicitor has made me aware of that. She did say that bailiffs can seize goods to cover some of the money and I've also said I would be happy with payment in instalments. Hopefully I will get it all back eventually. I've now signed papers for it to proceed to court.

[MissingMySleep]

Did you ever contact the police? Did the solicitor advise anything about that?