I have a ds, 5, and a dd, 3. I have tormented myself since dd was one about having another one - "just one more" - but my husband made it very clear that he was happy with the two we had and did not want anymore. He refused and wouldnt budge. We had lots of arguements over it, he always put forward his reasons which were mostly practical (finance, space etc). We even asked our two dc whether they would like another baby (ok, i asked them) and they both said "no way". They said they were worried that if another child came along they wouldnt be best friends anymore. This was actually quite sweet and really made me sit up and think about the prospect, in real terms, of having a third child. There are a few things that I now realise (though its taken a while to get there). Firstly, no child should be brought into the world without being 100% wanted by both parents (i.e. there will be no little "accidents" here). Also on this point, I think no one person has a "right" to have a child. Me and my hubby may have agreed when we got married that we would have 3 or more kids, but as he rightly points out, that was before we knew the hard work involved, knew the expense involved, etc etc - he has changed his mind and I feel I have to respect that. Our house (3-bed semi) is perfect size for the four of us, if we had any more kids then things, quite simply, would not work so well/easily imo. I am a SAHM and have been lucky enough to have been off since my ds was born, but money is now tight (we have a very nice life but have to be careful) and when I return to work next year when dd goes to school the extra money will be very welcome.

I think the final thing for me was that I realised, after a lot of soul searching and being honest with myself, is that I dont actually have a burning desire for another child - but I DID have a burning desire to be pregnant (I loved it both times) and to have a newborn. If im honest, over the last couple of years, each time someone has told me they are pg or have had a baby, im genuinely pleased for them but I also felt envious. Now I realise that, in fact its just because the child bearing days are behind me that I felt this way and no matter how many children I gave birth to I will probably always be broody and will always feel a little wobbly around baby news! However now I have identified those feelings in myself I feel so much happier and confident that, for us, sticking with two children is the right thing to do. I love my two so much and happy with our family of four.

Anyway, that was my very long answer to whether to have 3! - sorry! x x

Congratulations Mummymoodie I felt very overwhelmed when pg with DS2, but it diminished when I started to feel him move etc. I'm sure it will all be fine... well, it has to be doesn't it!

Noonar - I completely know what you mean about needing closure on wanting a DS. I have 2 DSs, and would love to have a girl. However, I'm still at the stage where I want a DD, not another baby/child. So I won't be even considering a third unless I get over this, and I'm not sure I ever will. That's not a problem though! I do feel like our family is finished now.

Hi,

This is my first post, just discovered this website as I have just found out I am pregnant again with my 3rd child. I have a 2 ds, one just turned 4 and another 18 months. We pondered on having a 3rd but it was just chat as a lot of my younger friends are now having babies and I have never felt finished. But I did not expect it to happen so soon and feel as I have had the decision made for me. I am feeling very nervous at he moment and have moments of happiness as I get very excited at another little ds/dd coming into our family but I am also getting overwhelming scary feelings like 'what have I done' what about my kids' can we afford it etc am I going to feel like this till the arrival

gee thanks everyone. its good to know i'm not alone in having this dialogue with myself.

one thing that i would say re sex of baby is that i did at one time pine for a boy. i felt terribly guilty about this when dd2 was born. however, i now couldnt imagine having a boy as i'm so used to girls. i would expect to have a 3rd girl, and if it turned out to be a boy, it would be a surprise. but i most definitely would be delighted with a girl.

in fact i think that getting 'closure' on the whole wanting a boy thing, is one of the reasons why its taken a while to consider a 3rd. ie- for years i knew i didnt want to go on some mad quest for a son, but hadnt let go enough of this issue to have a 3rd child and not mind about the sex.

for 2-3 years after dd2 was born i felt that i'd def have a 3rd if it was guaranteed to be a boy. i just dont feel that now. funny how feelings can change.

oh, and pacific, thanks for making me feel young .

peppa, you have got time on your side, but to be honest i think that the feeling of time running out has just as much to do with wanting to avoid a massive age gap, as it has to do with my age.

BTW, I was 37 when I had DS1... you do the maths !

I am currently expecting DS4, so maybe not ideally qualified to answer your question , however:
DSs1 and 2 were 4 and 5 when DS3 came along. The age gap did and does mean we as a family had to adjust to baby demands once again ie nap times, 2 million things to take along when going out, etc. Having said that DS3 is an absolute darling, he is so much fun (now 19 months) and his older brothers adore him. They are also very excited about another baby, bless them!
I also understand the "shape" of the family, for me bizarrely it was always going to be an even number ie either 2 or 4 children. I have no rational explanation for this . And no, we were not "trying for" a girl, and there will most definetly not be 6 .

Much as only you and your DH can make the decision whether or not to have another child, OP, personally I think you are less likely to regret a further child rather than a childshaped void, IYKWIM.

Good luck to you.

we had a great debate too, dh not a fan of having a third, but somehow in the middle of all the debating and umming and ahhh-ing, well let's say we sort of managed to hatch one anyway. The 'want' for another in my case was - if I can now truly admit - I wanted a dd as we had two dses, which is precisely what we got. Not that I would have only wanted a third on the basis of gender of course, that would be a mad situation to get in - I think I also wanted three because I'm one of three and it was fab growing up with a big brother and sister. And fwiw the age gap between me and my elder sibs is much bigger than the one you'd have. As the others say, no jealousy with no. 3, which sadly was not the case when ds2 arrived and ds1 was almost 3yo.

I feel the same as you, OP. I have a 4 yr old and 1 yr old and DH has said 'No More!'. There are a multiple really good reasons why we shouldnt have another, but I still wonder if I will regret it in years to come...

and no, I'm not broody this time round. strangely!

The chances of twins increases with age and with the number of previous children. How would you feel about this? (happened to me, with an unplanned 4th pg). Still smiling, though feeling a bit battered!