More children when no money

[Neverland]

Hi

I am new to this website and would appreciate your views.

I have 3 boys 9 5 and 2 and am desperate for another baby. However, we have alot of debt, a small house and can't afford to move. I lost my job back in October which has caused alot of financial worries and we are way behind with our loan and visa card. On the good side I have a job which starts next month.

However, we are not going to be able to move for years and live in a two bedroomed house with a box room. The living room is tiny but the kitchen is a good size. Everyone i know in these houses only have two kids and think we are mad for having three. Would I be mad to go for a fourth? The eldest has his own room at the mo and the younger two share the largest room. We have the middle sized bedroom.

Suppose eventually!!!!!! - money permitting we could stretch to a small conservatory but that would be it. Am I worrying unnecesssarily? I know I should not care what people think about us but I dont know anyone with more than three kids!

Your thoughts appreciated.

[4andnotout]

My dp has really low wages (under £800 a month for ft pay!) and we still manage to support our 4 children, we have at least 1 foreign holiday a year so we are not strapped iykwim. It's just a case of making it stretch!

[ZZZen]

What does dh think about it? Just thinking about the logistics a bit, if the baby is a girl, at what age would you feel she needed a different bedroom to her brothers?

How big is the room the eldest has? Could you fit more in there?

[bamboostalks]

Surely you should get on top of your debt situation first?

[magnolia74]

We have 5 kids in a 3 bed house with no room or money to extend at all so dh and i have mooved into the lounge and at the moment sleep on the floor!
Could you get a sofabed and move into lounge when the baby (theoretical) needs to move out of your room?

Money wise it's almost always doable but depends on if bigger car is needed, you not working for a bit, giving up holidays possibly etc....

[juuule]

Personally, I would address the debt problem first.
If you are happy that you can keep your finances under control and still provide for your children then I would consider another one.

While it's possible to live on relatively little financially, you do need to not let debts get out of hand as that brings nothing but misery imo. Not a good situation to introduce another child.

[tootyflooty]

could you wait a few more years for another child? age permitting of course. It would seem you struggle as it is, how will it affect your quality of life as a family. Space and money aside, my children are all older now but I feel they need me around much more in many ways which they didn't when they were younger, support for studies exams etc, it will be harder for you to juggle it all. But do what suits you as a family, if it is really what you want and you have a supportive dh, then don't be too influenced by other people.

[Sorrento]

I think you need to think of the children you already have.
I know people always say all a child needs is love but that's not quite true and if you say have a child who's a talented footballer or swimmer or academic and he has to miss out on something because of the 4th baby would you ever forgive yourself.
My neighbor told me she was having the 4th because they can't afford a holiday with 3 anyway so the 4th wouldn't make a difference, fine up to a point but they eat sausages 4 times a week and regularly have pasta and tomato ketchup for dinner, that doesn't seem right to me to stretch things that thin.