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how do you respond when people look at you in horror at the amount of children you have, and than ask "how the HELL do you cope??"

52 replies

psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 13:35

my standard response is normally "A lot of wine and a good sense of humour!".., but last night it was a serious question, and they looked at me slightly when I responded like that this time.

It was the scout committee meeting (I have been roped in, on top of having to be on the parents committee with dancing too......me thinks I have 'mug' written on my head), and I was a little , now what do I say......

thing is, I just do. the question was posed to two parents of 'onlies', and so I guess for them he thought of five is a small nightmare, but even so........telling them I just do also did not seem to be the right response either. (they did another face.....probably assuming that I was lying, or at best faking it!).

what do you say???

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Sachertorte · 19/02/2009 13:41

I think you mums of 5 cope brilliantly, well done!

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 13:44

thankyou for that.

but, it isn't really 'coping', it is just doing (IMVHO). I get on with it......pretty hectic tho I must admit

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georgiemum · 19/02/2009 13:46

My mum used to tell them that she had a whistle like the Von Trapp family.

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 13:47

I like that answer.

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 19/02/2009 13:50

Can't you turn it round and ask how they cope with only having one? You could say 'Doesn't the eerie quiet frighten you?'

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Sachertorte · 19/02/2009 13:52

Maybe that´s the difference between big and small families. In my small family I learn to "cope", but you just accept things as they are and "get on with it". Maybe it´s all in a difference of perspective? Maybe I have an atitude problem?!

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 13:53

lol kathy.

thing is tho, how to I ask that without sounding patronising.......I find myself feeling sorry for onlies and am scared the will feel offended, even tho it is not my intention

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4andnotout · 19/02/2009 13:53

I only have 4 but i get asked this all the time.

I usually give a drink related answer too

TBH i think going from 1-2 was far worse than 2-3 or 3-4, and im rather hoping for dc5

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TrillianAstra · 19/02/2009 13:55

I always wonder what sort of response people expect when they ask any question beginning in 'how do you cope'. You just sort of get on with it, don't you? The same way you cope with anything that happens in life.

Or if they're saying it in a not-nice way you could get preachy and smug with them and say that Granny always said that God doesn't give you anything you can't cope with (then look at their singular child with a look that conveys how superior your God-given coping skills are).

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 13:57

but sachertorte, I don;t think it is a problem to have that attitude really, altho it does turn into a problem when they do the face, as I feel as tho they think I am deluding myself, or even, they probably now think I am an alcoholic

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 13:58

trillian, my granny did say stuff like that

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fattiemumma · 19/02/2009 14:03

mum always used to answer " by locking them in the cupboard under the stairs"

the person would look horrified and walk away.

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 14:05

ah, now that is also a response to appeal to my sense of homour

shame it also would earn me the look at the scouts meeting!!!

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 14:05

ah, now that is also a response to appeal to my sense of homour

shame it also would earn me the look at the scouts meeting!!!

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TrillianAstra · 19/02/2009 14:07

Response 1: wine

If that dosn't go down well

Response 2: sense of humour (which the other scout-mums obviously don't have)

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Sachertorte · 19/02/2009 14:07

I think I´ve probably appeared to look in horror and asked how you cope myself, in real life. But this is from an actual perspective of complete respect. I don´t expect an answer! I know lots of mums of large families and definitely don´t think they are lying and are actually on the edge of a nervous breakdown! I can see they are very busy and normally pretty well organised. Good on ´em!

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homicidalmatriach · 19/02/2009 14:09

I have asked this now and then when I've seen mums shopping with four or five kids and they are all amazingly well behaved whereas my two are being little buggers less than charming. I'm honestly looking to understand what I'm doing wrong (other than being sober in charge of toddlers).

Also I want someone to say 'actually it's not as hard as it looks' to encourage me that I could cope with another one.

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kingfix · 19/02/2009 14:09

does the rudeness of the question depend a bit on the situation of person who's asking? I only have one but would love to have lots more, but sometimes think I am looking through rose coloured specs at my own childhood and forgetting that this time I'd be the mum in the happy hectic househould rather than one of the happy hectic kids. So if I ask it's in a tentative 'tell me it would be ok' way rather than a 'but dahling what about the sofas' kind of way.

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 14:11

trillian, that is always my answer, and it is true.....I do have a glass or two or even a whole bottle in the evenings especially at the weekend, and a good sense of humour is essential, but I now think that *THEY think I am a raving loony with a drink problem going on the looks and the rapid exit buy those particular two last night.......

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psychomum5 · 19/02/2009 14:14

ok, for the benefit of kingfix and homicidalmatriach, it really isn;t as hard as it looks

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kingfix · 19/02/2009 14:17

and now you mention it, my mum does drink rather a lot of wine...

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homicidalmatriach · 19/02/2009 14:19

Was that a I'm going to be pissing myself laughing at your struggle in a few years wink by chance?

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 19/02/2009 14:22

Oh well if you want to be on the committee you could always respond strategically by saying 'Oh, it just takes rigorous organisation and efficiency, but I've never found that a problem!'

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TrillianAstra · 19/02/2009 14:24

at Kathy's devious plan

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fattiemumma · 19/02/2009 14:25

homicidal - mum always reckoned that the biggest leap is from 1 to 2. from 2 to 3 is nothing and all subsequent children just seem to slip into place.

Though im fairly sure a few of her brain cells fell out with teh baby as she had 10!

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