What are peoples views on more than 2 children?

[hollyboosmum]

What are peoples views on the thought that over 2 children is social unacceptable these days?
I have three children and would love a 4th but fear that people will judge me on my choices. My husband and i are educated people who support our family through working but wondering what other peoples views are on more than 2 children? Thanks

[hollyboosmum]

Sorry posted it twice by accident

[compo]

I don't think people really think it's socially unacceptable and to be honest it's best not to be constantly worrying about what other people think.
I'm the youngest of 4 and had a great childhood, always someone to play with, lots of loud, noisy fun, and now family get togthers although big and noisy with 8 children btw us, are great

[conniedescending]

well I have 4 and no one has ever said it's socially unacceptable - to my face anyway

In fact mostly it's been the opposite with nice comments about how lovely my family is. I also don't really care what other people think anyway.

I think its less acceptable when you get into a situation where mum has kids with different fathers and lives with boyfriend and the fathers then have kids with other women who may also have had kids with someone else ad nauseum.........then you get that thing of all the kids going to another house at the weekend etc etc
That is what I find socially unacceptable not DH and I raising 4 kids together.

[GrapefruitMoon]

3 is the new 2 where I live - most people are fairly comfortably off from a financial pov so definitely not socially unacceptable in the sense that they are able to provide for their families...

[hollyboosmum]

THanks for the replies and you are all damn right i should not care what other people think. I am happily married to my husband and all my children have the same father i just came from a household where there was me and my brother and i always wanted more siblings.

I just hate people passing comments about others families when i have a loving household with just more than the average number of children x

[GossipMonger]

It only becomes socially unacceptable when you have 6 children and then have fertility treatment and give birth to another 8 when you are a single parent!!!!

I am one of 5 and I have 2 of my own.

I honestly admire people who have more than two because I couldnt cope with more than 2 and am way past my broody stage!

Family parties now consist of many adults and 9 grandchildren so they are quite noisy!

If you want another and can cope and afford it then go for it!

[kentmumtj]

im amazed that some people can be so condescending when speaking about mothers who may have had children with more than one man.

Maybe these women tragically lost their first husband or were in a violent first marriage etc.

having children with a different father does not make them more socially unacceptable.

I also happen to think 2 parents who are not happy togather make terrible parents but can be wonderful parents sharing the role of bringing their children up within new step families.

come on guys this is the modern age.

I do however think some people have pre conceived ideas that a large family can be trouble noisy etc.
I have experienced this when i first moved into my home a few years ago. It is a predominantly older generation with very few children. then i moved in with my hubbby and 4 children.
People shunned us at first but i am pleased to say they now speak to us and comment on the good kind nature of all my children.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

I think big families are great if you can afford to have them and not just rely on state handouts for even the basics.

I just wish I knew what my thoughts are about having a 3rd......one minute it's "of course", the next it's "good grief - I think I'd go mad with a 3rd!"

[paranoidmother]

I would love to have more children, we have 2 at the moment and we wanted 6 if possible. Although we can't afford it now.

If we ever win the on the ERNIE we'll have a few more but at the moment no.

I love seeing big families, I think it's because I'm an only child. I know quite a few people with 3 or more kids and I love the fact that they have each other and will always have someone else with them or their for them.

[kentmumtj]

it is hard work but it is so rewarding.
My hubby had a vasctomy after number 4 as i had very traumatic births and number 4 nearly didnt make it. i seem to be very fertile so it was the only way to ensure no more mishaps occured.

however now 7 years after he has had the vasectomy we would both love another child. However realtiy tells me it wont happen and the children are all growing up now.

I think if your going to do it then do it. Just make sure you can afford them and are able to give them the love they deserve. (smile)

[karenmar]

Hello Holly

I came across this topic also yesterday in another forum and in fact BBC One are doing a debate on this, this Sunday on the programme "The Big Question" to find out more please follow this link. www.businesswomenscafe.com/discussions/forum/bbc-one-the-big-questions-can-you-help.html#794

I hope you all find it useful. I rang them to see about appearing on the show, but as my view was that every woman had a choice and should remain to have a choice i was not selected

Anyone who agrees with them may get on TV!

Karen

[ForeverOptimistic]

I would love a large family and if I could afford to have lots of children I would.

I don't generally judge people with large families, why would I? I'm not perfect when it comes to environmental issues so I wouldn't judge on that score.

[stroppyknickers]

surely you're not deciding on number four based on what mumsnet says is okay . btw, I think it's slighty offensive to be smug about all your children having the same father. Perhaps after escaping an abusive first marriage I should have given up the idea of having any more children?

[notmyfault]

I have 6,soon to be 7.How dare anybody take it upon themself to tell others how to live.
I have 6 happy,healthy,clean and cared for kids.Usually well behaved,kind and considerate,and all bright and intelligent children.
We live our life the way we want to.We live in a 3 bed house,we use the same number of lights,same amount of heating as the lady with the two dogs next door.We use no more heating.We use no more gas for cooking.Our van burns less fuel than many cars carrying just one child to school.We recycle,I bath 6 kids in one bath,unless they're very grubby(not all at the same time they won't fit).
Environmental arguments are completely bogus.Large families recycle,reuse,buy second hand far more efficiently than those with money/space to waste.
There is not an overpopulation problem in this country,the birth rate is currently below that necessary to even replace the current population.
Seems to be favourite topic amongst do gooder trouble makers these days.I think somebody published a paper on it a few weeks ago and the media are looking for a new group of the population to blame for the woes of the world.
Everyone has the right to live their lives.Everyone has different beliefs.I didn't just pop out 6 kids one after another and say oops another one.My beliefs and the way I live my life are right for me,but that's different for the next person.We work hard to make a good life for our kids,how ever many they may be so how very dare someone suggest we are a blight on society.
Sorry for the soap box.Shame this TV show are only looking for one side of the story.And which of my kids apparently don't have the right to be here

[kentmumtj]

i agree completly.

besides i think an only child can be a very lonely child. Plus children in larger families learn to share, to negotiate, and much much more than only children who i think can sometimes miss out.
I say this as some of my grown up friends who were only children feel they have missed out on the ups and downs of sibling life.

[gardeningmum05]

i have 4, its really hard work and we both work, but when we are all together and they are playing its the best feeling in the world i agree that only children seem withdrawn, if they have siblings they learn social skills more easily.
go for it, have another child and enjoy it!!

[NormaJeanBaker]

We have three and wouldn't rule out a fourth. I love having three and they get on very well most of the time - enough so I find three easier than I think one would be. And we have a two bed house with lots of hand me downs. Well looked after happy children who will take care of society responsibly when we all have Alzheimers are very socially acceptable in my opinion!

[kentmumtj]

hear hear

[juuule]

kentmumtj and gardeningmum05 I think it's unfair to say things like
"i agree that only children seem withdrawn" and
"an only child can be a very lonely child".

I know some only children who don't appear any more withdrawn or not than other children and they don't seem lonely either.
Maybe some only children might have been happier with siblings just as some children in larger families might have been happier in a smaller family.
And as for adults who feel say they think they missed out not having siblings, I know of some children who think they miss out not being an only Sometimes the grass is always greener.......?

[kentmumtj]

i agree with that also i think its down to how the parents socially integrate their child with other children if this does not happen only children can find it extremley difficult to share and do things like that.

and when i say an only child can be a lonely child im talking about my nephew who always speaks about being lonely and not having someone to play the board games he got for xmas with its things like that. i did not say 'will' but 'can', there are pros and cons on both i guess.

[gardeningmum05]

taken on board juuule,and i agree about the grass is always greener, we always want what we dont have, blue eyes, straight hair etc.

i only know a couple of people that were onlys, and they are quite reserved and awkward around alot of people, but then again we are all different personalities

[Reallytired]

What only children are like depends a lot of on their parents. My son is a happy little boy and is an only child, although I will be having a baby soon.

Often you do not get a choice in life how many children you have. Not all of us are mega fertile. My son is desperate for a sibling, but we have not been able to provide him with one. It has been very painful in the past when well meaning people have told me that I am depriving my son of the experience of having a brother or sister.

I know some very unhappy children who are not only children. For example one of my son's cousins is quite blatently loved less than his siblings. The poor child is the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong.

[Tortington]

I think its a sign of lack of self control

only the working classes have more than two

(and hippies)

[Astarte]

I have 4 and no self control .
You simply cannot get away from the fact that the world is overpopulated (ridiculous to say it's fine because this country ha a lower birth rate), but we made our choices and live happily, though not entirely guilt free, with the decision to have a larger family.

Splintered families are a common occurrence now for whatever the reason and surely it's better that children grow up in a caring stable environment across 2 homes rather than an unhappy home?

More people seem to be shocked at the fact that all our children belong to me and my husband , maybe I look dog-rough & trampy

[Astarte]

oh god just reread that...I do not mean that people who have children to more than one partner look dog-rough and trampy , more a comment on myself...