Nobody will talk to me re risks of another pregnancy

[Sootball]

So I'm coming to you lovely lot because most of you have gone through multiple pregnancies. I've just come home from a GP appointment to ask about the risks involved in a third pregnancy and I feel no more informed. I just want to chat about it, but haven't had any luck on other boards!

Sigh.

Baby one. ARM after slow labour. 17days overdue she suffered a hypoxic episode due to placental failure as it was worn out. Brain damaged, cerebral palsy and severe learning disabilities.

Baby two. Forced into a CS and I was very poorly afterward.

Baby 3 ??? I'd hate another CS but what really are my options. I always wanted home births but suffice to say that's no longer an option.

DHL is surprisingly on board with a third child, I know I haven't finished my family, it feels like someone is missing and yet what's stopping us is just the birth. Crazy.

Please can someone, anyone chat to me about this? I've seen some awful things with my oldest, held her more than once thinking I was losing her and I'd never knowingly place another child's life at risk by going against medical opinion but right now I don't seem to be able to find out what my risks really are.

:-) thanks in advance

[alardi]

I suppose you need to figure out if there's something about you that meant things didn't go well, or if events were unpredictable flukes.

How is baby 2?Not disabled, I guess?

[Sootball]

Thank you - that's what I had hoped the GP would refer me to, our trust is dire in terms of support. We have a good handle on birth #1 due to an investigation but the results only arrived when baby #2 was 6 months so too late for her delivery decision.

My naivety has gone too. I wish I could magic myself into a frame of mine where I could just trust my body and opt for a home birth. But my body has let me down before.

[Sootball]

Baby #2 is absolutely 100% perfectly healthy. She's my reason to get up every day!

[alardi]

Explain why you had a CS with baby 2.

[Sootball]

Because I was told the community mws wouldn't support a home birth, that going post term and waiting to labour was too risky, that induction was also too risky. Consultant was of the opinion #1 had suffered hypoxia because of the induction and he didn't want that happening again.

I was pretty much told CS was the only safe option.

We then found out from the investigation baby #1 suffered two injuries, one a slow one from being post term and one caused by a delay in being born cos the delivery suite misreading her trace and letting me labour rather than an EMCS.

Had I known what I know now I'd have opted for an induction with baby #2 because now I have the risks of a post CS pregnancy to deal with.

Has anyone had to give up their hope of a bugger family because of labour complications? I should add I do pregnancy easily!

[MultipleMama]

I'm on PG #5 and technically I shouldn't be allowed one, due to being high-risk, 2 previous twin pregnancies, one premature birth & complicated pregnancy both no fault of my own, just weird coincidence. And all vaginal births. But I'm having one because even though I had a traumatic birth (and ds has problems due to it), I still believe that my body is capable of having another "normal" pg&b. I know these things happen and I've accepted that; it's probably why I'm calm this time round. The only concern the MW & GP have are my iron levels.

I don't see why you couldn't have a homebirth, if this is what you desired, and you'd have 2 (depending on country) MWs with you...

Why did you have c-section with #2? From what you've wrote there is nothing wrong with you that suggests that you can't go ahead with another pregnancy, and as for the birth, you can have a VBAC if you wish or another c-section. And get a 2nd opinion from another doctor, or even ask a local MW.

[MultipleMama]

From what I can see, I see no reason why can't have a homebirth - have you tried any other MWs for a 2nd opinion. If they adamant you can't have a homebirth, what about a birthing center?

But maybe someone who has more knowledge than me, can give us an obvious answer. :)

[Sootball]

Bugger family?! BIGGER family!

[Sootball]

I'm not sure what monitoring would indicate placental function? I was closely monitored once I went over 14 days but no problems showed except low fluid and that I was told could be explained by the gestation.

With baby #2 the community midwives absolutely refused to attend to me at home as did the birthing unit. I was considered high risk. I am reasonably certain that had the report come in before I had baby2 then there would have been more support for induction and I could have avoided a CS.

[alardi]

They do fancy colour ultrasound scans where they can see the flow of blood in and out and around the placenta. So I suppose that's one way to monitor placenta function.

Were you offered & did you refuse induction with baby1 once you reached 11 or 14 days overdue?

[Sootball]

I was offered induction at 14 days with baby #1 but declined (with full support I might add of community MWs) and because of how days fell over a weekend and BH they couldn't book me in for a planned induction then until +19.

[imip]

Yes, a Doppler scan woul due able to tell the condition of the placenta. It measures the blood flow through the placenta between mother and baby (iirc). Your age can also play a part, for example, over 40 you should be induced on your due date.

Unfortunately, I have spoken to many mothers who went overdue whose babies were stillborn because their placenta stopped functioning properly.

My first baby was born prematurely (25w) due to a cord prolapse, unfortunately, I saw her heart stop during a scan to see whether I needed a crash section or not. She was born vaginally.

I really wanted a good vaginal birth, it wasn't going to be a home birth, fine, but a nice birth centre home birth. Ended up having an emergency section for dd2 due to fetal distress. My placenta wasn't functioning well, I had high resistance at the uterine artery and was on aspirin. I didn't want to go past my due date. I was petrified of another stillborn baby - I couldn't have gone through that again...

So dc3 I really hoped to vbac. I had placenta Previa, a decision was to be made at 36 weeks when they performed a scan. At the scan, a major vein was 3cm away from my cervix. They couldn't tell who vein it was, but if it was the baby's, it could have contained a large amount of her blood supply. They recommended a section. I was truly gutted, I really wanted to right having to labour with my daughter, I wanted a screaming, healthy baby at the end of a birth. But I couldn't risk losing another baby, so a section it was.

Consequently, dc 4&5 were also sections...

Now upon reflection, with my youngest dc at 2yo, it doesn't matter how they are born, just that they are here safely. No one asks how my dcs were born! Either way, I did bear them, but thoughout the journey I did feel their was pressure to have a baby vaginally. A registrar tried to tell me to go far a vaginal birth after 2 sections! Now I know people do, but with my obstetric history?!?

I know that this is different from others, but I'd just go for the way that results in the safest delivery for your child.

[imip]

Op, re-reading your opening post, I sometimes feel like no one discusses outcomes unless you are pregnant again. Don't know why I've always found that...

[Sootball]

imip I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree completely that this is never able to be discussed before someone is pregnant. I know if I had had that same conversation with the GP but prefixed it with "I'm pregnant" then he would have been more open to discussing options.

With regards the CS option, I wasn't well after the CS - they aren't a walk in the park as you well know and I (it transpires) was kept in unwell for 4 days with a reaction to a drug they give in theatre, I then developed an infection which delayed healing even further, it was 6 months before I could walk any more than a mile!

I'm having counselling now for PTSD and Depression (not PND) and part of that is working through what the trauma of the first birth was and how in a way it was compounded by the second birth where dd was absolutely fine and dandy but i was unable to hold her or bond with her.

[imip]

It's funny, you know. My first cs (and second and third), were great. Recovery brilliant (took a while to walk, anywhere!) no overhang just overall great recovery. Ok, stitched on dd2 were too tight and I really struggled for the first few days. But overall, just great...

Cs 4 was very very bad. I was readmitted to hospital on day 10 for 3 days. Infection, and I realise over the 4 sections, id developed very bad reaction to most of the drugs they gave me. I think volterol was the main antagonist... the infection took ages to heal....

Why were you unable to hold dc2 after the section? Are you in the uk? I've always had my babies straight away - it's awkward, but doable. I also had PTSD after losing my first baby, counselling also, I am not surprised that you require it, your first birth must have indeed been traumatic.

I know I sound pro-section here. I'm not really, it's just that I cannot discount it as a safe method of delivery (of course, it is not safe. I talk to women who have lost babies on a regular basis and I know what can go wrong). But a planned section is safer than an emergency, and you would have added risk as a vbac. Again, not putting you off ( I know it sounds it, sorry) just that it in your situation every decision is even more agonised...).

I'd love to have been one of those women who had a birth pool experience, wouldn't have minded an orgasam at transition and a pain-free birth, but that's not my story. And at times, I think women are made to feel a little less of a women when they 'fail' at vaginal births. Sorry, I'm rambling...
I also couldn't really bond with dd1 (my first live birth) probably about a year. I think I was just in shock. Dd1 was given an 80% chance of survival.

God, i think I'm glad my child bearing days are over

[Sootball]

imip I've today sat down and properly reread your message. I think I simply have to come to terms with the idea that my body (however much I wish otherwise) simply doesn't do natural childbirth particularly well. My lovely GP has been in touch (it's a small practice) and apologised for sounding rushed last week and he has suggested that I get in touch with the practice midwife who was so kind during my last pregnancy.

DH and I have also today had a frank and honest discussion about another child. We love and adore Dd2, she is a squishy gorgeous baby rapidly becoming a beautiful gentle toddler with a delightful sense of humour. I don't want my children to be constantly compared (as they will be obviously) and I love the interaction I get with Dd2, so I think in 18 months or so after dd1 is settled at school and Dd2 is eligible for her preschool hours we will ttc #3.

By then I hope I'll have had a better chance to discuss with my medical team, including a debrief on exactly why my planned CS went tits up. And also hopefully I will be able to be induced at 41w, if I don't labour before that, and if I do end up with a CS hopefully it'll be better than the last one!