4 children, thinking of relocating away from grandparents, are we mad?

[appleandplum]

Hi, i have 4dc, eldest nearly 6, dt's nearly 4 and a 2 year old so a pretty hectic household. Dh also works 100 miles away so has a 3 daily commute but by train so very often delayed, he's been doing it for 3 years and its getting to both of us as he is hardly ever here in the week and never sees the children (hes office based so no opportunity to work from home). We are thinking of relocating to be nearer his work but this will mean moving away from both sets of grandparents (we currently get quite alot of help), all other family/friends, school etc. My question is are we mad as most people seem to move to be nearer family or would it enhance family life??

[YomAsalYomBasal]

There is no way on this earth I would move away from my parents! They help me a lot with my 4. Would relocating really improve family life? Can your DH get a job nearer home and the Gps?

[shakinstevenslovechild]

I don't know if this helps but I have 4 dc, we moved for dhs work and are nowhere near any family and we cope just fine. I work from home now and fit it in around my dc, dh sees more of them, and we love our new home and situation and we are slowly building up a network of friends here too.

[Debs75]

It depends on what help they give you and how invaluable you find it. Plus remember once they are all in school your childcare bills should go down. On the flipside if you hardly see DH how would you feel carrying on indefinitely?
Your dc's are school age so you will make friends that way and at 6 your eldest will have a long time at primary to establish friends. It could be a whole new happy experience for you.
And 100 miles isn't too far for a visit from gp's

If it was me I would move. We have 4 from 3-18 and we get no help from MIL and occasional from DM. If schools were right for the dc's then we would move away.

[SirChenjin]

We have 3 DCs and both work crazy hours - we've never had help from family and we manage. So many people don't have family around nowadays, and tbh if either DH or I were commuting that distance every day then we'd move nearer to work too - that's a hell of a journey.

[NAR4]

We have 5dc and no family help. Personally I think spending more time with dh as a family is more important than time with gp. Maybe gp could move as well?

Only you can decide what works best for your family.

[appleandplum]

Thanks for everyones replies, its helpful. I dont work so the gps don't actually do childcare for work purposes but help me out lots with the dcs, appointments activities etc as the dc all so young but thats getting easier now and mainly because dh never has chance of being home for things.

[Misfitless]

I'd be undecided, like you.

My MIL would be fine - lots of grandchildren nearby, but I think it would be devastating for my mum. Unfortunately, she doesn't have many friends or interests at all and we are her world .

Must be so hard not having your DH around much.

I think I'd move, now is probably the optimum time to do it, while they are still so young. Like someone said up thread, you and the DCs will find it much easier to make friends with them all being at primary school/pre-school.

Good luck with your decision.

[ThinkIMmad]

I think it would be hard to move from my in laws they are an absolute god send, they keep talking about selling up and moving to Scarborough be nice for seaside visits but we would struggle i think.

[Jojay]

I think I'd always prioritise time with my DH over time with grandparents, so on that basis I'd move. Your immediate family takes priority over extended family, surely?

I've got 4 of similar ages (7,5, 2 yo twins) and no family nearby, and we manage just fine.

[TheZeeTeam]

We have 4 and moved 3500 miles away from both sets of Grandparents and we've thrived as a family, even though we miss them. In your case, I would think your own family would benefit from seeing more of Daddy. It's not like you're moving countries.

[thereisnoeleventeen]

How far would the closest set of grandparents be OP?

DH does a long commute (plus annoying train delays), closest family are about an hour away. DC4 is due in July so it will be pretty full on.

DH very occasionally works from home, when he does the difference it makes to the day is amazing, he comes downstairs in time for dinner! Just having an extra pair of hands at dinner bed and bath time makes the day much so much easier. Same with the mornings, I get to have a shower with no one coming into the bathroom, the kids love it too. I'd definitely consider the moving if it were an option.

[Mutley77]

We relocated to the other side of the world when I was pg with dc3. Nearest family now four hours flight away. When we arrived here a year ago we literally didn't know a soul.

Anyway we cope fine. I don't work and have now decided not to despite having been offered a job.... Simply because in reality someone needs to be fully available for our kids.

If I'm honest now that our youngest is nearly 1 life feels a lot easier. The older kids are the easier it is to find a friend to look after one or two of them - or do a school run. I have got the youngest in nursery one day a week. I feel guilty as hell but it allows me a day to help at school and do other appointments etc and means she is familiar with another environment should I need a back up in an emergency. We pay a babysitter if we want to go out but we did that anyway as my parents weren't overly keen on eveing childcare!

You have back up 100 miles away so you won't be worried about the emergency type situations as yiur family could come to help,

The only thing you will have to factor in is that you will need to pay for some help. Poss a nursery or childminder or nanny for regular support. Certainly a babysitter for evenings out etc.

[appleandplum]

thereisnoeleventeen nearest grandparents would be about 1 and half hours drive away.

Time with dh takes priority over gps and other family its the fact that obviously dh will still be out at work for most of the day and time when kids are up and about and that wherever we move to i wouldn't know anyone (in terms of support) but it would very nice to have dh home for bedtime and feel more self sufficient

[QueenofKelsingra]

I think you need to write some lists!

write a list of all the things the GPs do to help out now that you would be giving up.

write a list of what your gain by moving for DH - how much extra time will he get with the DC?

you need to zero in on how much actual extra time will DH get with the DC versus the help, support and good relationship your DC and you get from the GPs.

My parents are only 5 mins away and I wouldn't move away unless it was unavoidable (3DC, planning DC4). not only is it a great help and support but the relationship my DC have with their GPs is amazing and I would hate to take that away. my parents take the DC off for trips one on one etc, sometimes do the school run - they love being involved in the DCs everyday life. however my DH works locally. to be honest I wouldn't move away from that support unless it was a significant increase in the time DH would have with the DC.

[thereisnoeleventeen]

An hour and a half is not too bad, they could still get to you fairly easily if you had a big day planned. My parents tend to make a day of it or take one of the DC's for the weekend.

I think it also depends how old your parents are, my Mum will be 70 soon and the DC's wear her out now!

[Twooter]

You will probably find that your dh's will have a far better relationship with your dc if he is not permanently tired from travelling.