Anyone else feel nervous when TTC no.3?

[MrsApps3]

Hi,

I have two DSs 4.2yrs and 2.4yrs and have been broody for the past year. My husband and I have talked about it lots and I was ready to try since last summer, my husband has now said we can go for it and suddenly I'm getting nervous!
I'm not sure why, as I didn't feel like this before ds2 (ds1 wasn't planned), I'm not sure if it's because I know the hard work ahead. Has anyone else felt similar? I also keep worrying that I'm pushing my luck, as we've been so,lucky to have two lovely boys.

I'm interested to know how you felt before TTC no. 3, were you nervous? How has having three been?

X

[MolotovCocktail]

Marking my place here! I am very interested as Dh has made it very clear he would like another baby, whereas I am blowing hot and cold (dd's are 5yo and 22mo).

[YomAsalYomBasal]

No, but I should have been as DC3 ended up being DC3 and DC4!

[creamandsugar]

I worried before trying to conceive dc3. As we already had 2 perfectly healthy dc. Was afraid we were pushing our luck. But I remembered I worried the same about dc2. And dc2 turned out fine. I think it's normal to worry about the unknown. Or maybe I'm just a worrier!

[MrsApps3]

Good to hear it's not just me worrying about things, I do have a tendency for over thinking things.
That's exactly my worry creamandsugar. Wow yom, twins hadn't crossed my mind, that must have been a surprise!

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

I felt the am I pushing my luck thing too and now have 3 and feel I'd b pushing my luck for a 4th I have no advice other than go for number 3 but I'm glad u started this thread as I feel a bit more normal :)

[MolotovCocktail]

Do you mind me asking, mummy what made you decide to go for dc3? What are your dcs age gaps? And what are the good things about having 3?

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

I was desperate for another child and the thought of not having one broke my heart. Mine r 4.3&1 just over 3 yrs between oldest & youngest and iv got 17 months between the older 2. I feel more complete now would like a 4th but I know it won't happen and it doesn't upset me like it did when dh said no more after dc2. It has it's challenges like cars and holidays but it is doable. We rnt loaded not even that comfortable but also not entitled to any benefits and we can just about keep our heads above water and we r v lucky that we both have parents that r willing to lend us money (we always pay back) if we get hit with an unexpected big bill. The way we looked at it was we would have regretted not having another but we would never regret having a child so we went for it and I'm v glad we did I adore my 3 and I wouldn't have it any other way :)

[MolotovCocktail]

Thanks for replying mummy; and what a beautiful reply it was

For me, it took so long to conceive dd2 (2 years and six cycles of clomid) that I think I have subconsciously disallowed myself to ever feel that deep longing for another child. The wait for her was painful. I couldn't go through it again, and couldn't put us as a family through it.

I certainly like the idea of another. I like the idea of a spontaneous pregnancy. The things I'm not so keen on are a repeat CS (had an ELCS with dd2 in 2012). The CS birth was brilliant, but it didn't half slow me down for a few weeks afterwards ... for some reason, I think I'd feel irritated knowing what's coming, iyswim?

I'm worried about the effect of a 3rd pg/2nd CS upon my body selfish

We would need to move house. That's do-able, but it would be a necessity. We can afford a 3rd dc, dh would loce another, I'm open to the idea, but am so going around in circles ...

[MolotovCocktail]

*love

[MolotovCocktail]

Let's put it this way: if DH could go through the pregnancy and birth, I think I would be much more inclined.

[MrsApps3]

Mummy, what a lovely reply! I'm the same, the thought of no more children makes me feel sad. I have to say I'm also concerned that after no.3 I still might not feel complete, as husband has said this will be the last one!
molo, sorry to hear you had such a hard time getting pregnant no.2. I guess that makes it an even harder decision.

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

I was so worried I would still feel I wanted another iv pcos so ttc has to b a calculated affair and I find pregnancy incredibly stressful and really sets off my ocd so I knew I couldn't do it again. But when I held my daughter I felt whole especially once I got her home and had my boys too. I really sympathise with ttc and pg not being easy and i had emcs with dc1 too but the younger 2 were vbacs.

Would u really need to move before a 3rd? Baby would b in ur room for a while anyway and would give u longer to save etc I spent way too much money on stuff for ds1 that I thought he needed by time I had dd I knew wot she really needed and had a lot of stuff so cost wasn't a massive problem.

Only u can make the right choice for ur family. But I say if u think u can make it work and u really want another go for it :)

[MrsApps3]

That's good to hear you felt complete after your youngest. How have you found having three? My oldest starts school in September, so but the time we have another I would just have my ds2 at home which I'm hoping would help. Do your older two share a room? We have a 3 bed houses and the plan is the oldest two will share. Luckily when we started talking about maybe having a third over a year ago and had to get a new car we opted for a MPV just incase we needed the extra space!

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

Oldest 2 share a room they wouldn't sleep in separate rooms anyway if the option was there (and didn't ds2 didn't like his own room so was either put him with ds1 or back in with us ....he was happy with his big bro) so we r saving the money so we can get a 4 bed when they r bigger and will want and need their own space.

I found going from 0-1 really hard was a massive culture shock even after waiting so long and thinking I knew what I was getting myself in for :) 1-2 was a doddle and 2-3 was also pretty easy I do however cheat and the smallest is carried in a sling obv she is in and out now she's bigger but she was in a sling pretty much all day when tiny. I hate the school run but suspect I'd hate it no matter how many dc I had mostly it's cos it's taken ds1 sooo long to settle at school but he's getting there now. I do find I have to consciously spend 1-1 time with the older 2 I take ds1 to the library once a wk and dh has the other 2 and ds2 I take swimming once a wk ds2 also has a couple of days at nursery so I get time just me and dd and I find I resent wks where I end up with "stuff" to do on those days as it's our time. But the boys adore their sister they're brilliant with her and it's so lovely to watch. They love playing games and singing nursery rhymes to her

The car was the biggest issue for us as there's not many u can comfortably get 3 car seats across the back (ds1 now in a booster but both boys were still in group 1 when dd was born) and uv already got that sorted :)
One thing I do which is prob v lazy and not great budget wise as I could get it cheaper if I did it myself is I get my shopping delivered. I know it's a bit of a luxury but it saves my sanity :) I can do my meal plan for the week go online order my shopping etc while the dc r in bed so I can think and the dc love helping me unpack all the shopping when it's delivered. I used to drag the older 2 round the supermarket and it just made us all miserable so I wasn't dragging 3 round.

I don't find it hard having 3 iv got 4 nephews and 2 nieces and frequently have 2 or 3 of them as well as my own I think u just get used to being outnumbered and get on with it :) having said that I am often shattered at the end of the day

[MrsApps3]

Wow, you sound amazing! Particularly managing 5 or 6 on your own! I must say I found both 0-1 and 1-2 quite hard, so perhaps there's no hope for me!
Good to hear yours like sharing a room, mine are becoming much closer now my youngest is a bit older so I'm hoping they would like it too, they did on holiday! We also have the same plan, to save for a 4 bed house, we have just remortgaged to a much lower fixed rate for 5 years and plan to move after that.
I guess that will be the downside, I will have to get up and organised due to the school run!
I also love that you manage to spend one to one time with each of them, that's something I would really like to be able to do, but I'm sure takes a lot of organising! I really don't want my gorgeous boys feeling pushed out.
I am already a complete online shopping fan, I actually find I spend less too! As when I'm in the shops with the children I end up putting a few extra things they have suggested, plus I'm such a sucker for a deal! Whereas online I review my purchases at the end and remove treats when if I've spent too much.

Thanks for sharing your experience, it's making me get more excited about TTC no.3!

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

They love sharing and I often find ds2 has got in to ds1s bed for a cuddle. Dd is still in with us but I anticipate she will want to b with the boys when she's ready as she idolises them.

That is the one downside with school but u enjoy the holiday and wkends so much more :) we take shifts getting ready in morn I get up at 5 and dh is avaliable if one of the kids wakes while I'm getting ready then he gets up when I'm ready and I get the kids up and sorted. I make lunches the night before so just throw them in lunch bags. It's all about making ur life easier ... Well for me anyway :)

The 1:1 time became a regular thing after ds started school cos he was feeling a bit left out. It's difficult to do when youngest is tiny but I used to pop dd in a sling and take one boy out for a babycino and leave other with dh and then the following wkend was the other ones turn. Reading can b quite difficult as ds2 and dd r keen to hear the story but ds1 is still getting his confidence up which is y we now go to library as he can read to me and I to him with no interruptions.

I am often told I'm completely mad and there r lots of ppl that r still trying to figure out which kids r mine or if I'm a child minder haha my nieces and nephews behave much better for me than they do their parents as I know my own do when they're with their aunties so their good behaviour rubs off on mine so it's actually easier ... Told u I cheat :)

[MolotovCocktail]

I'm absolutely loving your posts, mummy. Certainly sounds like 3 is your 'magic number' and that you've got things sussed for making life easier

For us re. a house move: we had downstairs extended last summer so things are comfortable now for us as a family of 4 (plus our dear little dog). We cannot extend upstairs, however. We have a 2 bed house; our bedroom is a decent size but the girls room ia snug. We could squeeze a baby in with us for the first 6m but would then absolutely need to move.

That's okay because we know that when dd2 is around 3yo, we would need to move anyway to accommodate the needs of growing children.

We were out today and saw a family with a newborn. Dh said again how he would like another child. He said he wouldn't mind if we didn't; that we have our family and more children would be a bonus. So though I know he would like one more, I don't feel pressure. I just dont want to miss the boat through hesitation led by over thinking.

But then, I don't want to rock the boat, either

Anyway, I think the fact that we had a hard time conceiving dd2 has skewed things for me. I can't figure out if I really, really do want another dc, or if I've blocked that feeling out.

I put so much into wanting dd2 that I lost myself in it. I'm glad to be 'me' again, if that makes sense? I'm too aware of cycles, fertile times of the month for another pregnancy to just happen. I don't want to be consumed by ttc again.

Then there's the repeat CS/recovery issue, but I know that should only be a short term problem.

I really do like the idea of three daughters, or to have a little boy would be wonderful (I even have a name for my imaginary boy )

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

I know exactly what u mean about being aware and ttc taking over. It took us 3 yrs to get dc1 and even now we rnt ttc I know my cycle and I'm still bf and have pcos so it's really irregular but I know when I'm ov so there would never b a surprise. Ttc wasn't fun and I remember the disappointment each month well but on the days when I couldn't take the hurt any longer I just had a little voice telling me to keep trying and I'm so glad I did as I now have my 3dc.

I'm not sure how old ur 2 r but would bunk beds b a possibility so u could fit 3 in the room short term while u saved? I might get shot down for this but I know even if I had a mansion my lot would want to b in the same room together right now while they're small anyway. They will obviously need their own space as they get older but I don't c the harm if it's just short term while u save for somewhere bigger.

It's not always perfect and some days they drive me crazy but they have a talent for telling me they love me or being really sweet with each other at just the right time :) it can b difficult when one or more of them get poorly but slings r my best friend and the older 2 r v good if I explain dd isn't well mummy just needs to do xyz can u draw me a picture or sometimes I will put a DVD on for them.

U just need to find things that make it work for u :) I think u should try with an open mind plan lots of things for the 4 of u that will keep ur mind of ttc always find it works better if u don't think about it too much ;) good luck

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

O and don't worry about a cs until u have to I didn't even have a birth plan with dd as both ds's it went out the window I had emcs with ds1 planned a cs for ds2 he ended up a vbac as I went in to labour befor my date and there was no stopping him dd was booked for cs due to bad positioning she had other plans and came naturally too.
If I remember the stuff I'd researched about cs when u already had older dc I'll come back and let u know I'm sure I found a load of good ideas on google for helping u heal quicker etc I know arnica was one of them :)

[MolotovCocktail]

mummy thanks for your useful advice Really lovely, and you seem like such a lovely mum (and person!!)

Our dd1 has just turned 5yo and dd2 is 22mo (will be 2yo in April). We plan on getting them bunk beds after dd2's birthday, but even with them in place, I don't think I could squeeze things in to fit a cot and wardrobe, unfortunately. I've thought about it a lot today but we would need more room. I'm pretty sure that my girls would share regardless, but they each have a double wardrobe and I would need to fit another double in somewhere, which this house just won't do.

I would like dd2 to be near to starting school nursery if we decided to try again. Dd2 was born April 2012 and dd1 started school nursery that autumn ans that worked well for us.

That puts me somewhere around July to make my mind up.

I remember all my grand plans of a tiny age gap going tits-up though, when ttc dd2.

I have a few months more to seriously think; to see how strong the urge becomes.

Thanks for all of your help and MrsApps, I hope that this discussion has been useful to you, too, and that you don't think this thread has been too focused on me

[MrsApps3]

Of course not Molo, it's good to know I'm not the only one debating things! We have been talking about whether to go for no.3 since last year and my husband has only just decided, and then I go and have a wobble... So I know where you are coming from! I think no.2 is an easy decision but no.3 is the hardest! I'm a born ditherer though, so struggle to make my mind up on stuff at the best of times, let alone such a life changing decision!
I agree though mummy, your advice has been fab, thanks! X

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

Glad iv been helpful :)

[MolotovCocktail]

MrsApps, I am an over-thinker, too. I never had any hesitation with babies 1 & 2, but this is so much more of a head rather than heart decision!

[MolotovCocktail]

I also think that my broodiness is coinciding with dd2 no longer being a tiny baby - she's almost 2yo: walking/running, doesn't want me to carry her around much, almost ready to leave her pushchair, almost ready to potty train.

I do miss having a tiny bundle. However, that in itself is not a reason to have another baby. I think I may always feel that way but 3 would be our limit (finances, lifestyle, I couldn't keep having CSections). It's not an itch I could keep scratching.

This is probably why I need to wait until summer before stopping contraception; for things to become clearer if I dont drive myself crazy thinking, thinking, thinking

[MrsN]

Oooohhh, this thread is soooo interesting!
We're also seriously considering having a third and taking the plunge and it's really interesting to hear your opinions on what's hard and easy etc. my youngest is 2 so would be 3.5 prob by the time a baby was born which seems a good gap as she'd be at nursery some days.
I'm glad there's been nothing talked about that I hadn't thought of in terms of struggles I.e. House, car, holidays etc. that's what I imagined were the most pressing practical probs.
did anyone think you were crazy to have three though? I'm worried that my mum and dad who are our chief babysitters would balk at the idea of another!! And I need them for my sanity ;) xx