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Find out all about large family cars, holidays and more right here.

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Find out all about large family cars, holidays and more right here.

Larger families

What's your limit ?

44 replies

Mosman · 22/01/2013 10:54

In terms of time or money, house size, age ?

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iclaudius · 22/01/2013 10:55

I've surpassed mine!!

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Mosman · 22/01/2013 10:57

Lol at what number ?
I can't believe I'm even internally debating this but am considering number 5

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NAR4 · 22/01/2013 14:13

Dh and me both have differrent opinions on how much money we need to have more children. I think you always manage somehow and he thinks thats a naive attitude. A bigger house and more money would be nice but I don't feel we need either to have more children, just love and time. I don't work during the day so have plenty of time.

I am pregnant with number 5 and it has been a rubbish pregnancy, so maybe my body is telling me 5 is enough. That said I would still have more if Dh changed his mind. Age doesn't matter to me either, just as long as I can still get pregnant.

What about you?

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Mosman · 22/01/2013 15:26

Ah there's a few things i'm considering, my age, 38 this year, not sure if i've got the energy nevermind the chances of twins or birth defects increasing. Combined with older DC's ages, two are about to start private secoundary so that's a big consideration.
And we have three girls close together, big gap then a boy, if I KNEW i'd get another boy i'd be a lot happier to go ahead I'd feel a bit sorry for DS if he got girls either side of him.
Things are about to get a lot better financially and for the first time in 10 years I could actually stay home and have lots of time with a new baby, i've never done that before so it is tempting.

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NAR4 · 22/01/2013 15:45

My oldest three are also at secondary school, so I can't help but also look ahead to when they leave for uni. I would go for it if I was you, but you have to be sure yourself.

I don't think the risks for birth defects or twins goes up significantly at 38, but do a bit of research on the internet, to help you decide. Personally I would love twins. One pregnancy and one birth but two babies. I do seem to manage remarkably well with hardly any sleep though.

I have to say that I have found pregnancy and night feeds harder each time. Not sure if it is just me getting older or that and having more other children also, each time.

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ScaredySquirrel · 22/01/2013 15:57

I had number 5 when I was 37 (nearly 38) - that was fine.

I had number 6 when I was 41 - a couple of weeks off 42. That was more tricky. In between the 5 and 6 there were a few miscarriages/chemical pregnancies. the pregnancy itself was very hard in terms of sickness, but not really in terms of tiredness etc.

I would say the biggest issue to consider is that you are prolonging the time that you have a young family. Alot of my friends now only have school age children and their lives are so much easier than mine. they have more leisure time, easier holidays, more stylish houses, clothes, better bodies, more sleep, etc etc. I do sometimes think that had I stopped at 4 my youngest would be 9 now and life would be very different. and I would be richer. And I could afford a house for them all to have their own rooms.

I don't regret having numbers 5 and 6 at all , but life would be very different now if I hadn't.

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ScaredySquirrel · 22/01/2013 15:59

mosman my number 5 was a boy. He has 3 girls ahead of him and one below him. You can't rely on the next one being the "right" sex!

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Mosman · 23/01/2013 01:37

I can completely understand SS, my youngest of the older girls is 9 this year and it is physically a doddle now. I wish I'd had two sets of two rather than three and then one, i'd stop at 4 without a doubt then.
The thing is the school we have in mind has a brilliant sibling discount so the 5th child wouldn't cost us a penny to educate, I have ever boy and girl toy under the sun, I'd have to buy clothes but I like doing that anyway.
I'm giving up work soon, we won't be going on holiday for the foreseeable - we live in a holiday resort 5mins from the beach.
Do your girls play with your boy ?
That's the biggest draw back for me, I'd love another girl but I think DS would be unimpressed.

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Mosman · 23/01/2013 01:39

NAR4 - Are you stopping at 5 ? I have seen friends with twins and they looked like they'd been hit by a bus, not so bad if it's number 1&2 I guess, but they still had her mum move in more or less for the first three months.

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5madthings · 23/01/2013 01:54

I think we are done with 5, four boys and no 5 was a girl, but truth be told if i could affird a bigger house and car (and maybe a cleaner!) i would have one or two more.

I want to wait a year or so and see how i feel. Dd is just 2 and i just turned 34 so can wait a bit. We 'think' we are done but not sure enough for dp to get the snip.

Its hard as my womb says more, the hormonal broodiness but practically life is getting easiet etc.

Have to say so far dd plays fine with the boys, they dote in her. Mine are 13, 10, 8 and 4 and dd is 2. So maybe age gaps make a difference. Mine vary from a 2 and a half year to 3 yr age gap.

Physically i feel fine, very easy pregnancues and births but i worry that i am 'pushing my luck' a bit iykwim?

I have recently lost weight, half a stone left to ideal pre preg size, started running and have a few plans for when dd starts pre-school! So not sure about going 'backwards' again plus the extra yrs it would add onto the school run!

As an aside, i hate the fact everyone thinks we kept going to get a girl!! We dudnt and i wouldnt care what gender no 6was. But it would almost be two fingers up at those that asdume we only have five as we wanted a girl. We wanted four origionally and then didnt feel done, dd was a bit of a happy accident tbh :)

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5madthings · 23/01/2013 01:59

Twins run in my family by the way, ehich is anothet concern. On the one hand it would be lovely, on tge otherhand i quite like the baby stage and worry it woukd be really hard work with two and that i wouldnt enjoy it so much and would feel i had lost out somehow?

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ScaredySquirrel · 23/01/2013 07:00

Mosman yes they all pay with him, he loves them. They dress him up as a girl sometimes and I think he even thinks he is a girl!

He's only 4 though, so no idea if it will always be like this.

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hellohellohihi · 23/01/2013 07:06

I'd like to give mine the opportunity to go to university if they want to, so realistically I think 3 will be our limit... Though would've loved 4!

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Mosman · 23/01/2013 07:11

Why wouldn't they go to university if you had a 4th ?
Honestly the people my brothers age who's parents paid basically lived like they were earning £30,000 a year whilst studying and then got a horrible shock when university finished and they were expected to support themselves. They also go into massive debt in their first year out because they tried to keep up the lifestyle.
Mine will be broke/poor students and so when they start earning their own money they will feel like millionaires ! I also don't want to pay off their loans because if they leave university, go travelling and then have kids as many of my friends did they will never actually have to pay that money back so why would I ?

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HDee · 23/01/2013 07:32

I have six, although the eldest has left home.

Numbers five and six were twins who are now three, and the are many days when it is such hard work. Two babies, then two toddlers, two peeig and pooing everywhere, two who attack each other...it's not easy. They are incredibly funny, and very, very special but I wouldn't want to risk having twins (or more) again. A lot of enjoyment gets taken away.

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Mosman · 23/01/2013 07:37

I can imagine, my mum had twins and tbh they are foul even at 26 and i'm sure it's because she simply couldn't cope with them in their formative years. NOne of us have ever forgotten the full on fight in the airport waiting to get the bags - aged 9, mortifying but i'm not sure I could have done a better job.
Come down like a tonne of bricks, if you're worried you're being too harsh then it's about right ime as the big sister.

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CheerfulYank · 23/01/2013 07:45

I'd like 5 but don't want to have any in my late 30's, so don't know if I'll have time! I'm 30 now, will turn 31 six days before DC2 is born.

DH and I would like to adopt as well.

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K2ZJH · 23/01/2013 07:52

I have 4 one set of b/g twins and 2 older girls. im due to have an ELCS on the 14th next month with twins boys. so that will make 6.

as I come from a family of 19, I wouldnt go that far so I think 6 will be my limit as we have a 4 bed house so thats 2 per bedroom.

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Mosman · 23/01/2013 07:59

Wow K2 that's fantastic, three of each, that's very clever of you !

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K2ZJH · 23/01/2013 08:54

thanks! What's the age gap between your children?

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Mosman · 23/01/2013 09:04

I have three girls aged 12, 10 and 8 they are pretty easy going but DH finds their tiff's hard work and when they flip they really do let fly, but that's girls and their hormones.
Then we have the most chilled 2 year old boy, he's an absolute delight, I'd order another exactly the same if I could.
With all of them I had to get back to work really quickly and I really regret it but don't know if that's a good enough reason to have another one and knowing my luck things could all change and I'll get pregnant thinking I'm staying home and the rug will be pulled from under me.

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weegiemum · 23/01/2013 09:07

I'm the eldest of 6, my dh is eldest of 2.

We have 3.

I (personally) think anything over 6 is too much. Only 2 of our friends have 4, everyone else less.

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K2ZJH · 23/01/2013 10:44

my older 2 girls are only 14 months apart 13 and 14 so they are a hand full at times just as I guess your girls are. my b/g twins are only just 3 so have just started preschool earlier this month. I have been at home with them from being born it has been the best experience ever. I will be doing the same with the other twins when they are born.
the only question you need to answer is would you cope with another mentally and financially

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happy2bhomely · 23/01/2013 10:56

We have two boys aged 12 and 2, and two girls aged 9 and 4. We are expecting another baby in May. I also turn 30 in May. We have reached our limit, but if we had a bigger house, more money and DH could reduce his hours-I would push for 6! I love having a big family. I'm the eldest of 5 girls and always knew I wanted lots of children.

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3monkeys3 · 23/01/2013 11:14

At the moment I only have 3 - 2 boys and a girl (girl in the middle) - I would consider a 4th, but that would be my absolute limit and it's more than likely that we will stop at 3. The things that limit me are mode of delivery (have had 3 sections and would require another) and the size of our house (2 bedrooms, with plans to extend then move, but time frame is a good few years and we're already a bit cramped). Financially, we would be ok but it would make a difference to our lifestyle - I had no holidays as a child and resent it as I feel my parents prioritised having a big house over pretty much everything else, so it is definitely something that plays on my mind. Also, there are other self imposed, selfish limits like my age - I am only 30, but having given over the latter half of my 20's to having dc I am keen to have more freedom in my 30's - and going back to work at some point too! Wanting my body back is a factor too - I am now in my 6th year of non-stop pregnancy and/or breastfeeding (was still bf previous child into each subsequent pregnant, and ds2 is still bf at 17 months) and can't remember how it feels to not have someone else dependent on my body!

Having said all of the above, I still haven't totally ruled out a 4th - I think about it a lot still and dh reluctant to go for a vasectomy at the moment, despite being keen to do it in the long term, so I guess he is still not 100% sure either. I really love my family the way it is and fear messing around with it - I worry about ds2 if we were to have another boy, we would have to have a much bigger age gap than the gaps we have at present (13 months and 22 months) and I would worry about hypothetical dc4 being left out all the time because of this. I have given it a great deal of thought, but still find it hard to be completely definite - I suppose it is the same for everyone when they go beyond the average 2 dc.