I've always liked the idea of having 3 or 4 children, not 100% sure why. I have always liked the aliveness of gatherings with my extended family (loads of cousins). I have one DS who is 18 months and I have adored getting to know him so far and each new stage of his development, which makes me very keen to get to have future little people to get to know. I also (as an adult) like having a sister, even though we're not particularly close, so would like DS to have at least one sibling.
But a few things are pulling me the other way. DS was always a terrible sleeper (did really well last night, 7.30pm-4.20am before he woke - normally he still wakes a couple of times for a BF - but when an hour and a half of trying didn't get him back to sleep after that we got up) and I barely hold it together sometimes. I can't imagine how I'd meet the needs of older DC if my subsequent DC slept as badly - we're intending to home educate so wouldn't even get the break of school. I also hated pregnancy, and fear another miscarriage when I think of getting pregnant again. I also have a hobby, I don't want to out myself so will be non-specific, but it has a longterm goal that I may or may not meet in my lifetime and it has to take some delays when DC are very young.
I guess my problem is I like both lifestyles! I was my biological father's only child, and it was lovely having the devoted attention, the financial ability to go on daytrips etc. But I feel like DH and I would miss out on so much if I don't have a brood. I'm not sure life and our family would feel 'complete'.
Tell me what you love about having 3 or 4 children?
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What are the positives of having 3 or 4 kids?
Kaida · 15/01/2013 07:24
I have a six year old, a three year old, a two year old and a 3 month old. My first was a terrible sleeper, and the birth was really traumatic etc, so I didn't really want to do it again... but we always wanted four so I allowed myself a bit of time afterwards then we tried for ds. He had reflux, and I had post-natal depression after having him, it was really hard going and I found the change from having one to having two quite chaotic. 2 years later we had dd2 and she was a dream, apart from not sleeping. Then in September our fourth, another girl, arrived, and we moved house three weeks later as we were fast running out of space. People always seem to want to 'borrow' our children e.g. take them out with them to e.g. cinema, or come to visit to play - as there are so many of them and at different ages and stages, so people seem to like that!! They entertain themselves so much of the time, with elaborate games involving all of them. Its like having three other friends round on a play-date.
From our point of view, I just couldn't imagine what it would have been like if we'd have stopped at two. They say you never regret the children you have got, just the ones you haven't... The dynamics are great - each child has a different relationship with each sibling, and there are so many combinations for doing things, either all together, or in smaller groups. (At Christmas though it was a bit daft to think each child would buy a present for each of their siblings and parents, 30 odd presents later that I'd basically had to choose, buy and wrap... 
.
Its always noisy, always busy, always bordering on chaos but dh and I wouldn't have it any other way. On a practical level the work is never done - washing, cooking, cleaning... am sure it is like that however many children you have, and I know there are far bigger families out there!! People always cite holidays, cars and houses as big obstacles. We might have to get a bigger car in the future, we've just moved house because we had a teeny three-bedroomed house and literally no space. But children can share, you can always find holiday options and the fun far outweighs the negatives that other people can always come up with. I have a friend who was outraged that I wouldn't be able to afford university places for them all... what will be will be is my attitude. We'll either be earning/saving more, or we'll have to make decisions at that time based on our circumstances. People manage.
Everyone said Christmas at our house was going to be great this year, with our final family member here - and it was. It is really great - if you let your heart decide, then you'll never regret it. If your head focuses on the work/financial aspect, you might talk yourself out of it!!
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