Annie, funny how the ex- volunteers who stay here all seem to be women though!

The good thing about visiting my family is that they really don't understand Hebrew, so the DC's are forced to answer in English. So far, it's only been "yes" "no" and short sentences from ds, (dd wasn't taking yet on our last visit) but eventually that has to change, I hope.

Ah... homework... yes that is ONE occasion where it's just not possible not to speak at least some english.....

And friends coming over...

pillowcase, my dd turns 13 next week and is not only properly speaking Swedish but reading the classics in Swedish and contributing to online forums in Swedish

it still doesn't seem wrong to me to speak to her in English from time to time

particularly as I am the person who also helps her with her English homework and does her drama practice with her (I'm a lovely Romeo, I am )

and discussions with her friends are also more involved and complex than they were when they were little

I think you just fumble through when they're babies, and because they don't answer back, it may seem strange to onlookers. Of course in the situations you mention eg with teachers in school, I think it's necessary to carry on the conversation in English. However when the kids are properly speaking Swedish and you speak it all the time, then it will simply seem wrong to speak English, so even if you have to in one situation, you'll soon revert back to Swedish.

My dcs are french/Eng speakers and we live in France. When their school friends are here and I'm asking what they want to drink I'll ask it in French, but if it's a more complicated request, I'll ask the friends in French and my DCs in Eng. It just seems more natural.

However the 'street cred' thing is not something to ignore. I'm frequently heard speaking English to dcs in shops and then the assistants will assume I speak no French.

Incidentally, like Pitchounette, I have never found anyone to be offended by dcs and me using Swedish either, though it's a language that it's pretty well guaranteed that noone will understand. And my dcs are not in any way embarrassed about it; not even the near-13-yo. So I've been spared that.

It's more about the practicalities, when you are dealing with a horde of children rampaging through your house. Or at parents evenings, when you are discussing things with your child in front of the teacher who also needs to understand; or when you are helping older children and their friends with homework- and they are all contributing to the discussion.

But I am still completely relaxed about speaking the minority language when we're out and about, and certainly not worried that it will damage their street cred (I'm afraid my take on that would be, 'stuff your street cred!').

June, I agree with Cory. It is possible to stick with just one language when the children are little (I would say 3~4yo if they are sociable, perhaps 6ish if they are not keen on having friends over).

I've had that situation with my dcs when they were toddlers. I asked them in frecnh and was expecting them to answer in english to that person. It might be asking a lot from them actually but that's what they have always done with me and DH so were quite use to it. It has happen that they have said thank you in french (merci ) but no one has ever been offended (They actually found it quite cute).
I suppose it depends a lot on the language (a lot of people have tried learnt french at school so 'Merci' is a word they know where it would be more difficult to do with let's say croatian) and how you/people around feel about you speaking your own language in their presence. The balance isn't always easy to find as I know I also need to 'protect' my dcs french iyswim.

Aplogies for hikack - Shelinka, I'm an ex-volunteer too. Scary how many of us there are! . I have a nodding acquaintance with Yokneam; a good friend lived there for a while (anothe ex-volunteer) and I lived in Haifa for a year, studied there for 3 years.

Every year we go to Israel to visit DH's family, and are immersed in Hebrew while we're there, so every year we hope DD1 will start speaking it, but no joy so far. I think next time we go we'll get DH's family to pretend they can't understand her when she speaks English....

I remembered the kind of ituation that prompted my question.
Some english speaking gives something to the baby and I want to say to the baby "say thank you to x". Seeing that I only speak French to the baby I wondered wether to say this to the baby in French or in English, since baby does not speak and this is really directed to the english speaker.
(I know I could just thank the person directly...)

thanks for the link to the thread, I'll have a look!

Shalom Annie! We're in Yokneam, I work in Haifa. I have a few friends in the same situation here too - ex kibbutz volunteers mostly.

I know what you mean about the dc's understanding everything but not speaking. The DC's understand everything I say, and will happily watch DVD's in English, but getting them to speak in English is like pulling teeth! I keep telling dh that we need an extended holiday with my parents in the UK, so they can just be immersed in English. It's as if they need a switch in their brains flicked!

I think sticking to one language at all costs must be a lot easier if your children are all very young or if you don't have much contact with other children

just to take one example: ds is having his (very belated) birthday party on Sunday: we will be invaded by about 10 excited little boys, none of whom understand a word of Swedish

the party will include party games, a treasure hunt led by a ghost (!) and an ice hockey game tournament

it would be very awkward if the party game rules had to be explained twice, first to the guests or then to ds, or if the ghost had to moan first to the others in English and then in Swedish to ds; and that's before we get to the difficulties of having to double-referee the ice hockey (a very fast-moving game), translating every utterance so that nobody thinks the referee is treating them unfairly