What next?

[Thatssofunny]

Hi.

Was hoping someone might be able to tell me what the next steps could be, since the GP didn't seem to be terribly forthcoming with ideas when talking to DH. We've been ttc for what seems like ages (well, officially since January 2013,..but we've had unprotected sex for the past decade and nothing's happened).
I've had my Day 21 tests done, which came back clear. DH has had SA, which was also fine. There doesn't seem to be any reason for this not happening. I did get pregnant last year, but had mc at 5 weeks. Had scans and several blood tests back then, too, but nobody mentioned anything strange. Apparently it was all very healthy in there, circumstances considered.
So, what now? What next?
I'm getting really fed up. DH thinks we just need to give it time,...but...I'm not getting any younger here!!

Thanks.

[Shellster52]

Wow, it certainly seems like something isn't quite right if you have been having unprotected sex for a decade!

I got medical assistance at age 34 to conceive our 2nd child but the initial proceedings were very slow. I am now 37 and have been trying IVF for the last year and a half. Didn't realize IVF would be a slow process, taking several attempts with rest periods in between. Now I know and after having now read the statistics on IVF/age/eggs with genetic abnormalities, I wish I had of started the IVF process sooner. So I totally agree with you and what seems to be your gut instinct when you worry that you are not getting any younger.

I am in Australia but most people I chat to on here are in the UK and it seems to be about a 2 year process to start IVF under the NHS. So no harm to go to the GP and get the ball rolling.

Must be so frustrating not having an answer as to the problem. Don't know if this is relevant to your situation but for my hubby's initial SA, we went to a general lab. The results came back as normal. The Dr then suggested doing an SA at a different lab which hubby did 2 weeks after first SA. I thought the Dr was just wasting my time since first result was normal. Dr didn't explain at the time that the second lab was an 'andrology lab' and the results are much more accurate. So I never bothered to go back for 2nd SA results and spent a year thinking problem was with me before running out of ideas and going back to get second SA result. This is when the Dr explained to me about the andrology lab being more accurate and it turned out the results were highly abnormal (sperm are missing the acrosome cap that contains enzymes to enable it to penetrate the egg. So two SA's two weeks apart showed very different results. Now feels like a miracle that we conceived our first son as natural now seems impossible after 3 years of nothing. Anyway, now I always like to recommend couples go to an andrology lab to save them being frustrated not knowing what's wrong like I was for a year, so that's why I mention it.

IVF seems to provide a lot of insight for people. For example, some women do IVF the first time and even though the sperm and egg are in the same dish, the sperm just don't bind to the egg and none of eggs fertilize. So it can provide answers as to what is going wrong when you don't know what's going on inside while trying naturally.

Just realized I am probably freaking you out with IVF talk as it is probably a new concept to you. I was totally freaked out at first but now after a few attempts, I have fully embraced it as our only hope. Personally, I think that there is absolutely no harm in going to the Dr and at least see what the next steps are towards getting some medical assistance. At least going through the process might make you feel better like you are taking practical steps instead of just waiting each cycle with the frustrating you are feeling now.

[Heels99]

Ask for a referral to a fertility clinic op as your gp is not being helpful. Ten years is a very long time. Good luck

[Thatssofunny]

Thank you very much for the responses, Heels and Shellster.
Shellster Sounds like you had quite a journey as well. I hope the IVF works out for you soon.
I'm not sure what kind of lab the results were sent to, it was at our local hospital (same on I went to EPU for last year). It was already a struggle trying to get DH to give up his swimmers this time...he's very unhappy about the idea of a repeat performance.
The mention of IVF doesn't actually worry me and I had started to look into it. My GP brought it up during our first appointment, but is a bit cautious with it. She suggested referring us to the fertility clinic when we hit the two-year-mark. (She's aware of the time before that, but we aren't really counting it, since we didn't dtd very regularly during that time...due to issues on my part, which I have now sorted out.)
Both my aunts needed help with conception, so it's not a terribly new consideration for me. (We are considering adoption at the same time, but I'm a bit unsure about our chances. All our family are quite far away...and DH isn't the most social person ever. I also think the LA want couples to be sure that they are over the idea of having birth children before taking them on...)
Will see whether next appointment with GP reveals anything. I had planned to have children before I was 30. Now I'm only hoping we get it sorted before I turn 40. This is all taking forever...

[Heels99]

Honestly op speed it up, get the gp to refer you now, don't wait another year, everything moves slowly in the world of fertility, it took me five years to have four Ivf cycles. Get pushy, explain you have had unprotected sex for ten years. If you dont have time on your side you need to move this forward. I mean this kindly, the whole thing takes a long time and waiting another year before you even get a referral...??? You may get pregnant naturally in meantime in which case great, but what gp makes a nearly 40 year old wait two years?! Get a different gp if yours won't help.

[Shellster52]

Glad you have another appointment with GP for follow up. I agree with Heels. We are both on the other side of IVF and know the slow process; made even slower when the first doesn't work and you have to try a few times, all the while your fertility is decreasing from age 35-40 at double the rate it did when you were 25-35. I took the same meds for IVF last month as I did a year ago and got a worse response so I can see how one year has decreased my fertility. I hope you can ask your Dr not to wait a few more months and to get the ball rolling.

[NoCupcakesOrCocktails]

Thatssofunny I agree with Heels and Shell, you need to go back and say you want the referral done now. NICE guidelines states you should have a number of tests through GP and then be referred to fertility specialist. You still need a day 3 blood tests, routine bloods to check fbc, thyroid etc, a chlamydia swab and a pelvic ultrasound. Your GP should be able to do all this for you. Once you get to see the specialist you should then get your tubes checked for blockages with a HSG or Hycosy scan.

If your GP is being difficult I would ask if there is someone with gynae interests at your GPs to see instead and take a copy of this with you www.nice.org.uk/guidance/CG156

I had a similar problem as my GP wanted me to wait 2 years when the guidance is to refer after 1 year. I'm so sorry to hear about your mc. I really hope you will be one of the lucky ones that gets ironically pregnant just before your appointment! Good luck

[PistolWhipped]

You need to act NOW. I am 43 and gave birth five months ago to a baby conceived usig a donor egg with my husband's sperm. I'm not saying this is the option you are going to end up taking but I simply refused to consider my own eggs at this age when contemplating IVF. My point is you are running out of time.

Your DH needs to get a grip for a start. It is not a case of his sperms being perfectly viable just because his SA came back 'fine'. Further tests are needed to assess the sperm's fragmentation - a massive factor in couples who both appear to be 'fine' when tested. Your womb needs looking at up close (a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy do the job and are a marvel). Don't be afraid, I'm not saying you need this surgery immediately (or ever), but a decade of TTC resulting in one miscarriage paints quite a picture. However, having sex only rarely could well result in no pregnancies in a decade, especially if you ovulate at odd times in your cycle (why aren't you charting your temperature and tracking cervical mucus and ovulation?) Please ask to be referred to a fertility specialist now. I wish you great success.

[naty1]

You do need to DTD regularly as over a couple of days old sperm are not such good quality. As per the instructions when you do a sample.
Things that cause miscarriage can also cause infertility like pcos and thyroid issues.
I started ttc at 29 and had DD at 32.
Ivf and tests do takes ages.
What was the issue with aunts? As thyroid and pcos both run in families.

[Thatssofunny]

Thank you very much for the answers. (I'm not quite getting to 40, yet. ) At least now I know what I need to ask GP for when I go back to see her. There are so many different test... I hate being prodded and poked with stuff. Oh well. This should also convince DH to engage a bit more (if I have to go on another potential date with the willycam, he can donate some more swimmers...).

I honestly don't think we had enough sex in that time before to get pregnant.I'm quite dry down there and it hurt like hell. I've sorted that by using preseed, though, and it's not an issue anymore. We have been catching up...

Pistol I used to chart my temperature, but my cycles are very regular, especially since the mc. Ovulation tends to be on cd18/19, with my LP being 11 days long.

naty1 My aunts don't ovulate and don't have periods. I don't have that issue, although I mentioned it to GP. According to her, that's not something that would affect me. (My mum, on the other hand, just needs to look at a man's underwear to fall pregnant.)

[Shellster52]

Good luck Thatssofunny. Hope the Dr gets the ball rolling for you. The fact that you have started this thread shows that you are looking for answers, so it might feel good if the Dr can start the process of ordering tests and referring you to a specialist so that you can feel like something practical is being done. Get used to the poking and prodding - I am about to embark on IVF 8 and am well used to the dildo cam now!