So frustrated with partner, am I being unreasonable?

[Glabella]

This is an AIBU, but I'm feeling pretty crappy and can't face posting there. We've been trying for 18 months, and are starting to go down the route of fertility testing etc. I have possible endometriosis so it's likely to be complicated.
DP was given his referral and cup for SA 4 months ago but has still not done it! They won't start my tests before they have his results, which means that I am in a lot of pain each month with the endo, which is getting worse, and I can't make an decisions about treatment or surgery until we know the situation fertility wise (if it is male factor then I could take hormonal treatment for the endo while we save up for ivf)
Last night I snapped and told him that I'm not having sex with him until he does his sperm analysis, since he has to be abstinent for a few days beforehand and won't discuss when he plans to do it. I know it's scary etc, and infertility is miserable for both of us, but this is ridiculous.
So now he's not speaking to me saying I am withdrawing intimacy and being unfair, and I am really upset that he doesn't seem to be taking this seriously. He says he really wants a baby, is a really lovely man, has been very upset by our repeated negative tests, so why is he being so crap?

[Flexibilityisquay]

YANBU, but I suspect he is scared of what the results might show, hence the delaying. Have you tried talking to him calmly about it? At the moment he is saying one thing, and doing another in that he says he wants a baby, but he is doing nothing to make that happen. It sounds like a conversation is well overdue.

[Shellster52]

Glabella, don't know if it's any help, but without being able to give an answer as to why he is being so crap', I feel not so alone after hearing your story. My man has begrudgingly gone through the process of sprogging off in a cup' after telling me that he is 1 of 7 siblings and 'there's nothing wrong with him'. The test showed 100% abnormal sperm, and yet when I tell him we need to both be committed to IVF and would he mind taking his supplements without whinging, he still tells me there's nothing wrong with him and 'I'm barking up the wrong tree!' It shows that they really must feel this inability to impregnate their wife is a reflection of their man hood.

They say men are practical, so I thought this would apply to infertility and they would be practical and go though this simple wanking process to get a solution. But nothing is further from the truth and I am glad to hear that I am not alone in struggling with men on this issue. Your story provides me some comfort in dealing with my irrational man, so I thought I would share mine in the hope that the same applies to you. They really must feel like this is a failure of their manhood. How can we push the issue to get them tested without making them feel like its a pass or faii?

[birdofthenorth]

Yanbu, and I would have snapped after about 4 days let alone four months, but he's probably terrified. I think you need to pair your message about the urgency with lots of reassurance that you will love and fancy him just as much whatever the condition of his sperm, and that you're in this together regardless of whose biology is in any way lacking. And you obvs need to follow through with lots of love and tenderness if it turns out he does indeed have any issues.

[Gemerama82]

YANBU - I'd go nuts but then I'm not the most reasonable person. They only have to abstain for 48 hours before doing the sample also.

My DH had a sperm test a month ago and it showed concentration of 7 million and 100% abnormalities. I am hoping it's just a duff one and the next one is better, or ideally I get a BFP first! They have to do 3 sets of test, each 3 months apart before they can say for sure if the guy has a problem so it really is best to get moving with it sooner rather than later.