I'm so depressed

[Snowcherriesfromfrance]

Two friends have given birth this week.

Our next ivf cycle was delayed at the clinic - rang to start only to be told that due to staff holidays they can't fit me in this month.

It just feels like it's never going to happen.

Stupid useless fucking body. Allegedly our issue is mfi but it feels to me like it's my body that's letting us down. It's me that should carry the baby. Went upstairs and cut this afternoon, it made me feel better and I really want to do it again but I'm trying to reign it in.

How do people move past this?

[Catlover2014]

Hey there, just wanted to say hi and how very sorry I am for what you're going through :(

How old are you and how long have you been TTC?

We've been ttc #1 for five years and after two successful treatments I've mc'd both times. Me and DH are 34.

It is so hard when people around you are starting families and it hurts because you want that too. Hang onto hope, one day you'll have your baby!

Hugs to you xxxx

[Turquoisetamborine]

Snow I think I've seen you on the egg buddies thread. Do you mean you've cut yourself? You need to urgently see your GP, please make an appointment. I've seen some of your other posts and you come across as seriously depressed at the moment.

I know how hard it is with the ups and many downs of IVF. I've been through it and will be going through it again. It is horrendous at times. It really is. Do you have someone you could talk to? Do you get free counselling sessions at your clinic?

[Snowcherriesfromfrance]

Yes cutting myself, not deeply or anything. Not dangerously.

The clinic offer several free sessions but I've never taken them up, it's a fair way to travel and they are in the evening do not hugely convenient. I don't think they'd help anyway, they won't make me pregnant.

When are you trying again Turq?

[victoria401]

Darling, I know how you feel. I used to self harm to make myself feel better too. But all you end up with are scars that make you feel even worse about yourself. Viscious circle. I'm really down about being infertile too and its so hard not to slip back into my old ways. I saw my GP and she suggested getting in touch with LIFT psychology who can do group work, or one to work, to help you. They taught me about negative thought patterns and how to try and combat them. I've also been having reflexology and have got into mindfulness. I now consider myself to be a strong person, ready to tackle anything. It takes time though, its not overnight fix. Its taken me at least a year with these methods.

Another way if thinking about it, you have to be a strong stable person to take care of your future child. Life is tough and unfair sometimes but we only get one and every moment is precious. Take time to enjoy your partner and your life together too. I hope he is supporting you, sounds like you need a very big hug. Pm me anytime if you need a chat yeah? X x X

[Trooperslane]

Oh Camille fuck off!

I've reported you already!

[Trooperslane]

And for snow.

It's totally shit.

Please use the counselling - it helped me massively.

Xxx

[Trooperslane]

... I can also recommend fertility hypnotherapy and acupuncture.

Helped me massively.

Feel free to pm me too op.

Though I should say it worked for us eventually after 8 years, at least 2 possibly 5 miscarriages and 2 ivfs and 2 icsis in case you would feel uncomfortable.

X

[Catlover2014]

I second that acupuncture helps. I'm also doing yoga at the moment and find it helps me to focus my mind and body. Well worth seeing if there is a yoga centre close to where you live.

When I read your post I missed that you've been hurting yourself. That makes me really sad to know and I really hope you can get some counselling to help. You are a special person with lots to offer and things will workout in the end so please don't hurt yourself!

When I was very low I called the infertility network and they were so kind and helpful. Maybe you could call them too? You can find out more here: //www.infertilitynetworkuk.com

Hugs to you

XX

[Turquoisetamborine]

You've had some great advice on here Snow. People don't appreciate how utterly worthless infertility can make you feel. You are a good person though, I can tell. Treat yourself kindly please.

I start my second round next month. Are you going to try again?