No second chances - TTC No2 for 23 months - & CBFM questions

[merryscottuk]

Not really sure where to start but I know I need to get into a community of people who are going through similar things and can understand.

Long story short, I've had two pregnancies - both in 2009. One miscarriage at 9 weeks and one healthy boy born in 13th June 2010 (for which I am very grateful for).

We have been trying to conceive No 2 since May 2012 with no success. To date, I've had hormone tests twice (normal), an HSG (which didn't work but my tubes spasmed), and a laparoscapy and dye test. My husband has also had two SA which were fine (high levels of sperm but with a small (3% apparently not significant) of funky ones. All my tests have been fine - there's apparently nothing wrong with me. I'm 35, healthy weight (ish - could lose a few pounds) and don't smoke.

I've been getting progressively more and more anxious about this and very depressed. I see a counsellor at the infertility clinic every 2 weeks and have been on Setraline anti depressants for 6 months now which help a bit. Days like today I just feel like crying. My little boy keeps asking for another baby and asks me why I can't get one in my tummy. My husband is reasonably supportive but is getting more and more frustrated with my "obsession" as he calls it. My marriage is definitely suffering. My need and instinct for another baby is overwhelming.

My question I guess (when I get to the point!) is surrounding the Clearblue fertility monitor. I started using it this month (only used cheap sticks in the past) and this month I have had high levels of fertility since day 9 and still do today at day 21 - but no peak. I've also started spotting today so it looks like my period is early (this rarely happens - I'm usually a 28 day cycle to the minute).

Has anyone else experienced this? How can I possibly have had a high fertility rating this morning and yet be spotting? Surely my oestrogen will have dropped in order for me to be bleeding? And why haven't I ovulated this month? I haven't had a peak reading so I guess that means I haven't had the leuteal surge.

At my wits end. We have an appointment on May 1st as that's the two year point. I know they're going to talk about IVF and ICSI and I'm dreading that for two reasons: 1. the money (we will be self funding) and 2. I don't think my husband will agree to it.

I can see this picture of me holding another baby starting to really fade now

Would love to hear from others going through something similar and any advice and experience with the CBFM.

Thank you xx

[blamber]

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. I can only offer some experience with the CBFM. So you don't have pcos and normally regular cycles? Then the monitor will mostly likely work for you. In the manual it says that in the first month you may get all highs and no peak. This is because the monitor is getting to know your hormone levels. You should get a peak next cycle. In addition, some women never get positives on their OPK at all but still ovulate, but this is quite rare (the never getting positives thing).

Just keep going with the monitor! I have found it really helpful and even though I have PCOS it has worked well for me. I found it very accurate. Good luck!

[merryscottuk]

Many thanks for replying Blamber. No I don't have PCOS and am regular (although occasionally I start spotting/bleeding a week early like now)

It really is one of those "unexplained fertility" cases.

I didn't realise that the monitor needs to get to know your hormones, thanks for that. I bought it second hand and only downloaded a basic manual online. Either way, we have "gone for it" this month but I've started spotting today at day 21 so a BFP is pretty unlikely. I'm suspecting I have a short Leuteal Phase and hoping that the monitor will help me establish that. Then I can push for a Clomid prescription....

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I do not think that you are so much unexplained (unexplained is no diagnosis at all, what this means is that they have failed to find out what is wrong) as have not been adequately investigated enough. Any test result done over 6 months ago should be discounted; you both need up to date test results and there could well be ongoing male factor issues if your test results to date have been okay.

Clomid is usually prescribed by a consultant as its quite powerful stuff. It should only be given where there is definitive proof that ovulation is not happening regularly.

I would stop using the monitor as its not helping and just adding to the overall stress of the situation. Spotting as well should be investigated to establish the underlying cause; its often not serious but it should be checked all the same.

[naty1]

I would look at the costs of ivf. 4-6k per go and decide if you can afford 2 goes. Or if you would be willing to stop. It can take a go to get the levels of drugs correct.
Success is less than 50%.
Its quite a commitment of time 1/2 day for the operation several scans etc and planning appointments.
Hopefully clomid or IUI might work for you
I can see it must be hard if you never anticipated only having 1. We always knew it was very likely after having icsi to have one. But hasnt stopped us trying for another. Unsuccessfully.
Did you have a thyroid test?
The monitor could well work, itll just depend whats wrong. Also it should help to feel youre doing something

[blamber]

Spotting and a shorter luteal phase doesn't always have to be problematic for conception!

[keeponjuggling]

Sorry you having such a difficult time. I don't really have anything I can add to the other comments, but didn't want to read and run. I'm also TTC No. 2 to no avail. DC 1 took a year to conceive so I knew in my heart it could take a while. But I think there's always a small part of you that is hoping you will be one of those (lucky) people that falls quickly second time around!

I really hope your appointment goes well, and your DH goes in with an open mind. I have heard the CBFM can take a few months to get to know your cycle, so maybe stick with it a little longer - unless its stressing you out. In which case maybe best to leave it for now? Good luck!

[Tinkleybison]

I haven't got any advice, but if you're still looking at this thread OP I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one who feels so low about this. In a very similar position to you and finding every cycle a grind - I have at least one point ever month (usually pmt related) when I just sob about it. It's definitely affecting my mental health. I wish I could find a way to be more accepting as i know I'm very fortunate in lots of ways, but it's colouring my perspective on everything

[WworthMummy]

I sometimes want to hurl the CBFM through the window! Been TTC for over a year after my last miscarriage at 16weeks - stopped using the damn thing in Nov after I decided all it was good for was a ridiculous argument about exactly when we should be having sex but weren't!!

Since starting up with the CBFM again just this past month I've had a period on day 19 of my cycle with no ovulation per the monitor (no peak, no high). Pre November, it / my body was working fine - maybe the machine is just sulking after 3 months of neglect :)

I know my body can do it (4x pg, 1x healthy baby) just not reliably and never to order!! And I'm 35 now too so time is not my friend.

I'm in two minds about whether the monitor actually helps, or just stresses you out even further. My SiL swears by it; my sister loathes it. I like the whole 'peeing on a stick I'm in control' illusion...but it's had limited results so far! And a number of 6am arguments ;)