So i'm 38 and been trying to conceive for 15 months. I have children whom i conceived very quickly and easily, the youngest 7 years ago. My husband who is 12 years younger than me has no children of his own. He's a brilliant Stepdad though. A year ago i was advised by my doctor to go on HRT as i had an elevated FSH level of 20 which the doctor said was borderline menopausal. I ignored her advice as i was in the early months of trying for a baby. Here we are 15 months later and still not conceived. My most recent FSH level was 11.2 which the nurse at the NHS infertility clinic said was 'reasonable'. The nurse doesn't seem to think i'm in early menopause. She says it's likely a hormone imbalance and because of that it will take me longer to fall pregnant. I saw another doctor a few weeks ago who thinks i'm in Perimenopause, the transition stage to menopause. He advised HRT. For the past couple of years i have been having menopausal symptoms, occasional hot flashes at nighttime, palpitations, mood swings, anxiety and vaginal dryness. I'm currently using vaginal HRT cream for the dryness, which is helping. Anyway, back to the infertility clinic. I should be having an HSG on my next cycle to check my tubes are not blocked. Hope my period comes on time as the last 18 months they have been irregular, (another menopausal symptom). After the HSG i have an appointment at the end of November at the clinic to have a scan and possibly be given Clomid which the nurse said i could have as long as my FSH wasn't above 15. I know i haven't long to wait for the appointment now but i just keep thinking, would i be better off to just forget trying to have a baby and just accept menopause and start HRT and move on with life and try to be happy. Or do i pursue the baby idea, as i would so dearly love one. Am i really likely to conceive with Clomid while in perimenopause or am i just wasting my time. I'm so very torn. Clomid is the only treatment i would be given on the NHS as i already have children so if it doesn't work i will have to quit anyway. I can't afford to go private. I'm so lucky to have been blessed with children but i would so love to give my husband a child of his own. All this stress though is affecting my health and wellbeing. I just don't know which way to turn. My husband says he isn't bothered about having a baby, but then being just 26 he would say that. What happens in a few years time if he decides he really wants a child and then dumps me for a younger woman who is fertile. i'm sick with fear. I have my own health to consider, i could be putting my health in later years at risk by not starting HRT now. Or maybe i shall just give the Clomid a go in the next couple of months and if i don't conceive, start HRT in the New Year. So want a baby and just so sad. Wish i could just get pregnant naturally and easily like i did before. Just had to have a vent on here as i'm a messed-up Mummy wishing to be a mummy-to-be once more but getting caught out early by that bitch called menofuckingpause!
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In a dilemma..do i give up and give in to menopause or do i try to have a baby ?
14 replies
erilou38 · 25/10/2013 18:57
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