5 years unexplained infertility and giving up hope....

(58 Posts)
nohassalls Wed 09-Oct-13 22:01:39

Hello. I'm new here and just wonder if anyone else is or has got to the point of feeling that it's hopeless. I'm 34, DH is 38 ( and beside himself, desperate for kids). Been trying for 4.5 years, clomid-didn't work, IVF with ISCI didn't work, all went swimmingly, put back a hatching 5day blasto, the embryologist was winking at me and saying we're lucky this is best case scenario, and then nothing. BFN. hmm We have 3 frozen eggs, of which 2 cycles of FET have been cancelled as my normally settled cycle misbehaved. Should finally have our FET in a few weeks, but I just feel like it's not going to work. We have a funded IVF coming up soon, but again, it just feels pointless. I've never seen a BFP in my life, there's nothing wrong with us. Humph. Reading success stories on here doesn't even cheer me up, I'm just envious that these couples have been lucky but have no feeling that will ever be me. Has anyone all but given up? Sorry - proper moan-a-thon!

StarzInMyEyes Tue 26-Nov-13 12:27:59

Hey All,
I too have been struggling with unexplained and don't know when will the d-day arrive. Have been TTC for 4yrs and never ever got a BFP. Both of us are 32 with low amh (0.62), good SA for DH but 6% normal acrosome.

Any suggestions? It is so frustrating and difficult to keep going like this.

Thanks.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 14-Nov-13 13:49:49

Eurochick pointed me to this thread and like others said, it's heartening in a horrible way to find others here. I've had 3 failed IVFs with very low AMH so I feel a total failure as a woman. I'm now 39 and reckon we have reached the end of the road at least as far as my own eggs are concerned. DE is our next consideration. I turn 40 in August and I want it all over by then. I can't handle any more bad news (but, I say over, we won't use contraception ever again, so make of that what you will).

I am rubbish at posting on my phone but just wanted to join in the general cathartic release! For the record, I don't think thyroid, immunes, reflexology, acu, yet more IVF or a better diet will get me pregnant. Maybe one month the stars will be aligned, but the false hope can be quite painful. And I share the thoughts of many of you about the good news stories feeling so irrelevant, as they haven't happened to you.

May my next post here be cheerier smile

helterskelter99 Tue 12-Nov-13 21:05:15

Sorry this is brief
Get your thyroid checked
And immunes tested privately as nhs don't really test yet

( 3 mc plus 4 rounds of icsi for our miracle who was worth the wait!!)

ceara Tue 12-Nov-13 20:59:23

Hassalls that is amazing news, I'm so pleased for you. As buggerlugs says, just try and take one day at a time - easier said than done, I know :-)

nohassalls Sun 10-Nov-13 21:45:58

Thanks Rabbit. Very, very surreal! blush

rabbitonthemoon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:32:40

Hassalls that is amazing news smile it must all feel so surreal. Wishing you a non eventful 9 months thanks

nohassalls Sun 10-Nov-13 09:59:54

* strange, not stand...

nohassalls Sun 10-Nov-13 09:58:35

Ohhhhh hopefully a Christmas miracle smile good luck in the meantime with the natural efforts! We read an amazing story about a couple yesterday in the news who on 2nd IVF had triplets, but the twins we're completely natural as they'd left 2 eggs behind on egg collection, and the third was the embie?! So all sorts if stand things can happen when you least expect it. Thanks for your advice, I am certainly taking comfort in the fact we've finally got to this stage. I just never thought I'd see a BFP so that's a start and at least we know it's possible at last. Are you excited? How do you feel during all the injections etc?

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Sun 10-Nov-13 08:44:30

Aa for me - I start injecting on cd21 of my next cycle (xmas day!!!) Still hoping for a natural pregnancy so between now and my next period we'll give it all we can before we have to use protection!

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Sun 10-Nov-13 08:42:43

Nohassals that's truly wonderful news - congratulations thanks

I'll give you some advice someone once gave me - try to stay in the moment, the here &'now. Don't look to tomorrow or yesterday but focus on the today. Today you are pregnant. The advice won't change whether the embie will stick or not but it will help you stay in control and stay sane. thanks

RandomMess Sun 10-Nov-13 08:30:51

Close friends had unexplained infertility and various IVF type treatments - finally conceived naturally after 10 years, it then took 5 years to again conceive naturally. It can happen after all those years of heartbreak and going down the adoption route.

Big hugs to you all, life is unfair x

nohassalls Sun 10-Nov-13 08:23:24

Hey Buggerlugs. I wrote a reply and posted it but it's never showed up. I had written to say that I'm feeling very shocked and apprehensive to write that the FET worked and after 5 YEARS we got our first ever BFP. Just can't believe it, I was the one who began this thread at the very end if my tether. Very early days of course, so naturally we're being very cautious with excitement levels, basically just entered a brand new world of nerves that many of you must know so well. How was your appointment? Did you get your meds? How are you feeling?

livingzuid Sat 09-Nov-13 20:30:33

Ladies my heart goes out to you we were ttc for two and a half years with bog all. Then a mc at six weeks that broke my heart. My problem turned out to be a severely underactive thyroid. Pregnant now and shitting myself as I am high risk but there is hope I was nearly a lost cause. As well as getting my thyroid medication and my tsh stabilised under 2 I was desperate and tried out Maria Peer's book. She tends to self peddle and product promote but the concept of positive thinking I found very powerful even in my most I don't care any more moments of which there were a lot!

I refused for months to look at fb filled with literally everyone having babies! My best friend sent me a whatsapp to let me know about her second she was so worried to tell me. Please hang on in there you are all so wonderfully brave. It can and does happen smile I wish you all the very best.

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Wed 06-Nov-13 19:03:36

Hey Hassals how are u feeling? Any closer to finding out your cycle schedule? Our appointment is tomorrow and we'll probably pick all the drugs up. I can help feeling like its pointless - having children happens to other people, not me.

nohassalls Fri 01-Nov-13 12:35:17

Yes once dates are in place it helps to focus on something. I assume I'll be doing our funded ivf in a month or so, hopefully ASAP. At least some of us might be doing it around the same time....

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Fri 01-Nov-13 11:54:17

Me too. I will feel more positive when I know my injecting timetable next week. I currently feel in limbo land.

nohassalls Fri 01-Nov-13 11:13:08

Thanks and you're right. I'll make myself a decaf hmm coffee and try to cheer the heck up! FB can be the enemy... today someone literally put up a picture up of a bun in an oven. Hope the darkness goes away soon for us both/all ...

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Fri 01-Nov-13 10:45:03

I was.... until someone posted a birth annoncement on fb <bitter>.

When are you due to test? I know its so so easy for me to say but try to fight the negative thoughts. That embryo needs you rooting for it. It needs you in its corner / on its side as you're all that it has. thanks

nohassalls Fri 01-Nov-13 10:06:42

... And are you having a less dark day today?

nohassalls Fri 01-Nov-13 10:06:03

Just none of the typical symptoms, seems like AF started the other day though it has disappeared again, I imagine not for long tho. Just feeling typical PMT vibes...

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Thu 31-Oct-13 19:47:55

hassels - sorry its not going well. What makes you think it isn't?

nohassalls Thu 31-Oct-13 19:45:37

Think I'm on the brink of some dark days myself. I'm on 10 dpt after the natural FET I mentioned at the start of this thread, and things arn't looking great. Surprise. Weirdly I feel nothing as I suppose that's how low my level if hope is. I'm not even sure I'll feel upset.... Just another level more removed from feeling I'll ever see a BFP. Boooooo. Jeeze megawinge today! Sorry you asked Buggerlugs?

Hi there,
so sorry you're in this position - so hard I know. My dh and I struggled with unexplained infertility for 2.5 years. Didn't get to the ivf stage as we were early thirties.

After 3 years I did fall pregnant... and I think a combination of the following helped (sorry if you've done all this already)

1. this book which talks about getting your body as healthy as possible for conception and having some essential nutrients that are vital for your fertility.

2. Contacted a charity called Foresight who provided tailored nutritional supplementation designed to aid fertility. Had hair analysed and a custom made scheme put together. Also had to avoid alcohol, caffeine, white sugar, white flour and eat organic as much as possible. Pretty hard core, but their stats are good, and also following this prog ivf success rates were 1 in 2.

3. I also had reflexology aimed at fertility.

All of these three, plus the Foresight stuff which also helped us feel that we were doing something constructive, did the trick. It took 9 months on the same programme to fall pregnant second time. Now have two special dcs.

Foresight still going

Wishing you all the best.

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Thu 31-Oct-13 19:21:28

Thought id check back in and see how everyone is?
I'm dwelling and having a 'dark' day today.

seamermaid Tue 22-Oct-13 16:48:39

Anroga - sorry to hear you are going through the same. Did you managed to get some tests at least via your GP. It's a shame that the nhs won't cover ivf for those whose partner already have children. It is difficult.
I believe nhs hospitals that offer ivf privately are cheaper than private clinics. Maybe it's worth looking into? It is true that they say you should plan for 3 rounds but if you manage to get a few embies you might get some to freeze and that could be cheaper as FET is a bit cheaper I believe. Good luck!
I hear you on friends who are all pregnant. On the whole I am v happy for friends but it does get difficult to handle when you have been trying for much longer and good friends around you are getting pregnant as soon as they get married. It's not their fault and I do tell myself it's not a zero sum game but when we are dealing with frustration month after month it gets old quickly.

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