I'm scared

[Stillhopingstillhere]

Hi
We've just been for our second private infertility app following dh's sperm analysis. His morphology and count are normal but his motility is only 20% so they have recommended icsi.
Bizarrely the consultant said that a natural conception was still possible. We have a ds conceived first cycle but have been trying for dc2 for nearly a year.

The consultant said we had about a 35% chance of conceiving if we went with an icsi cycle. It's so scary though. I'd have to have a general anaesthetic for the egg retrieval and because I'm diabetic would have to have an overnight stay. All the complications of the drugs are scary.

I don't know what to do. I have this nagging feeling that the icsi won't work. I have a feeling that we will have no more babies but dh says I'm just pessamistic. I'm not so sure. We would have to pay for the icsi privately and could afford three cycles.

Is Ivf really awful? I'm really really scared. I don't even take paracetamol or antibiotics. Pumping my body full of hormones just seems wrong. And I know this sounds awful but it feels worse because my body is seemingly working fine, it feels wrong to mess with it. That's sounds awful but it's how I feel.

I'm 31 by the way. Is it worth a go icsi wise? I keep deciding I'll definitely try it and them deciding I definitely won't.

[mrsden]

I was worried too about the physical side of Ivf but honestly it was fine. I was on the short protocol so only had to do the stimulation drugs. I had no side effects at all. The egg collection was also fine. It takes less than 30 mins so they use either ga or sedation and only a very light dose. Transfer is just like a smear. The emotional side is far, far tougher. Our round was unsuccessful and I hit an emotional low that I've never experienced before when I realised it hadn't worked. What I'm saying is don't be put off it because of the physical side, but you do need to think about how you will feel if it doesn't work. For us it was an easy decision to go for it because its the only way we can have a child and without it we will never be parents.

[mrsden]

Just to add that one year of trying isn't really that long. Also, you're still quite young so maybe you don't need to decide just yet and can try naturally for a bit longer. We waited for three years before doing Ivf, by then we knew that as it hadn't happened in that time it was very, very unlikely to happen.

[Stillhopingstillhere]

I suppose I'm worried that we could try for another year and the age gap will be getting bigger between ds and any future child. If we conceive any future child...

The consultant basically said "how long's a piece of string?" When I asked him how long it would likely take to achieve a natural conception. He said it could be next month, it could be years. Or never I guess.

Although we could do icsi and still not end up with a baby.
Are you trying again now mrsden?

[mrsden]

We're going go try again in October. We will give it three rounds and then will have to have a serious think about whether we will do any more.

It would be nice to have a crystal ball. Perhaps you could it another six months or so. Has your dh tried all the usual stuff to improve sperm? No tight pants, no hot baths, no long cycle rides, no laptops on knee. Cutting out alcohol and smoking, taking a male conception vitamin? It might be worth a try if only motility is the problem, has he had two samples or just one? I wouldn't make any decisions about Ivf on the basis of only one SA because samples do improve.

[Stillhopingstillhere]

Two samples. Both showed a good count and ok morphology but motility has been 20% both times. Apparently even the fastest ones don't swim that fast!
He's on wellman and pine bark. He's been taking it round about three months, he's been very stressed at work so we are wondering if this has caused the problem. I can't believe it was like this when we conceived ds.

A crystal ball would be great. 35% is still not great odds, but realistically probably much better than our natural chances.

It's all so difficult isn't it? I didn't appreciate how lucky I was with ds but I certainly do now.

[mrsden]

35% each cycle gives you very good chance if you can afford three cycles. Please don't be scared about the physical stuff, I'm the biggest wimp and I surprised myself at how easy it was, it can be daunting beforehand but once you're in the middle of it you get swept along and it goes so fast. Good luck x

[Stillhopingstillhere]

Thanks xx
I am a total wimp. Not about doing the injections because I'm used to that at least but about the side affects. If I read there is a chance of developing a certain side affect I can basically convince myself I've got it. So I'm most worried about OHSS. I don't know whether I should just not read about it...but then if I do get it at least I know what to loo out for!
Can't win!

I think three cycles would be my limit mentally as well as finanically. It's as much time as I want to put my life on hold.

[DumSpiroSpero]

Is ICSI your only option? My friend and her DH both had fertility issues and were offered 3 attempts at IUI initially with ICSI as a backup if it failed.

The statistics aren't great but the fell pg first time and she's 37. Due in about 6 weeks .

Just wonder if that might be a gentler option for you to consider to start with, especially as time is perhaps a little more on your side?

[Stillhopingstillhere]

They recommended icsi as even the post wash sperm weren't swimming very quickly!
The consultant said he's seen conceptions naturally with much worse results than ours... But he said the low motility does lower our chances and will take longer.

Dh sees it as a "quick fix" which worries me a bit. He seems overly optimistic, possibly because he won't be the one actually having to put up with taking a million hormones. I keep trying to have a sensible discussion but I'm not really getting anywhere. It's not something I want to rush into. Dh seems to think it guarantees us a baby, I keep trying to remind him that it is far from that and that it is emotionally traumatic as well.

[ceara]

I will challenge mrsden for the title of biggest wimp going around medical stuff, but agree completely about it not being so bad physically once you're in the midst of the cycle. I think the fear of the unknown is the worst part.

I had some medical reasons of my own for worrying about GA/conscious sedation and so had my egg retrieval with local anaesthetic and painkiller. A few UK clinics do this as standard (one of the Care clinics, for example) and it is normal in the Netherlands. It wasn't as bad as it sounds and it was fascinating to be present (mentally as well as physically) for the whole procedure and afterwards be able to remember the start of your eggs' journey. Being able to get up straight away, with no grogginess, was a bonus too. Maybe these options are worth exploring with your consultant?

[fairypangolin]

Like the other posters have said, trying for nearly a year is not that long. You are relatively young and apart from the motility there are no known obstacles to naturally conceiving. I understand your concerns about the age gap between children but a bigger gap has its advantages as well.

I fell pg on my first cycle of IVF in January. We already have a DS and there were no reasons why we would not conceive again naturally but because of my age (39) I was advised to go for IVF now rather than wait until I was in my 40s. I was put on the short protocol where they don't artificially shut down your hormonal cycle in advance of stimulating it. This has much fewer side effects and I was injecting for "only" 12 days or so. I have high AMH so there was a high risk of OHSS and I was given only a low dose of Gonal F- your clinic should be able to do the same for you if you are at high risk.

Really it is the emotional burden of IVF rather than the medical side of things that I found the most difficult. It is definitely not a quick fix but that is because of the pressure put on the results from one cycle.

My clinic offers either GA or sedation with painkillers and I opted for the latter because I did not see the need for GA. It really wasn't that bad and was over very quickly. I don't see why GA is the standard in the UK for EC because it is honestly not that much worse than many other procedures such as an HSG.

[eurozammo]

I'm having natural IVF. I have the same view of drug taking as you and was worried about. And then I started on a conventional IVF cycle, had a bad reaction to the drugs that make you menopausal (depression and anxiety - not things I usually suffer) and so walked away from it.

You can have ICSI with it if necessary.

The downside is that you just get the egg you produce naturally, rather than the many the drugs would force to mature, so you may need more cycles.

I currently have a query out with my clinic to see if I can be awake for the next egg collection, as I have a bad time coming round from the sedation and with only one egg, it should be over in no time.

Not that many clinics do it though, as the success rates are higher with the drugs (more eggs=more chances). I know of CRGH and Create in London. I'm sure there are others, but I decided to go with Create and so stopped looking.

[fairypangolin]

BTW hi euro and ceara! euro - I am puzzled too as to why your clinic would want you to undergo GA for retrieval of one egg? I had 7 retrieved out of a lot of follicles and that only took about 20min.

[eurochick]

It's not GA, it's sedation (but I was completely out). It's their standard protocol, but I want to see if I can avoid it again.