My friend has just had her first round of IVF and it didn't work
I want to support her and say the right thing but need advice. She is 5 years older than me and has been trying for a baby since late 2011. DH and I started trying at the start of 2012 and we would talk about baby plans together and wee on sticks to check ovulation and chat about it all the time.
I got pregnant first time and although I know it was hard for her (lots of her friends/family/colleagues have young babies or are pregnant) she was really pleased for me and she was the only person I told before 12 weeks. I went on to miscarry at 13 weeks and she was really supportive, and really helped when I got pregnant a few weeks after miscarrying. I was anxious through the first trimester but she was always there for me.
Now I have a 6mo DD and I so want her to have the baby she longs for. I don't have childcare so can only see her with my DD. Will this upset her now that her IVF has just failed? What should or shouldn't I say? I want to support her but know there isn't anything I can really do. We're not best friends but I don't really have many friends so she is probably my closest friend so I want to get it right.
She will obviously have further IVF but I don't know if I should be encouraging her hopes or not? If IVF fails and she wants a child that is biologically hers, she would need to look at surrogacy. I would potentially consider that as she would be an amazing mum but I'm not in a position to atm as we want another child and I think I would get too attached to her baby if I hadn't had all the children I want but then it would be selfish of me to make her wait another 18mo/2yrs if I could help her sooner. I would never suggest it anyway but I mention it to demonstrate how much I want to help, and that if she asked I would give it real consideration (with DH's approval).
Please give me some guidance. Sorry if I have said anything out of place, or that upsets anyone; I know infertility/surrogacy are emotive topics.
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Infertility
Failed IVF
6 replies
JammieE · 11/07/2013 13:28
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