PCOS - boyfriend doesnt seem to understand, please help!

[kerryxlou]

Hello all,

This is my first-ever post so apologies if in the wrong section etc!

I am almost 24 and have been diagnosed very recently with PCOS after sadly suffering a miscarriage (I hadn't known I was pregnant and wasn't actively trying). It was also discovered that my kidneys are substantially smaller than they should be, meaning I have very high b.p. After a very frank but helpful talk with my Dr, I was basically told that although it's a good sign my body was able to start a pregnancy, in the next few years it would only get more difficult and I would be more likely to need drugs/ivf.

After having had a week or so to digest this I raised it with my boyfriend; we have been together over 3 years and living together for almost 2, and he is coming up 30 in the next few months. We are both in secure jobs, and I said I would rather start trying now, as I'd always wanted kids within the next 3-4 years max anyway. However this completely freaked him out, with him saying the Dr said we had a good few years yet to even think about starting a family. He stressed he does want children, but doesnt want there to feel like there's a ticking clock.

Any advice at all on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated as its gotten me really down

[samandkat]

I have turned to my fella to help answer this one
From me dont push your man to have a child even though time seems to be running out
my fella said the same and take everyday as it come and if it happens it happens but if not IVF is not the end of the world granted its costly but its not impossible

[kerryxlou]

Thank you for that! Any and all advice is more than welcome :)

[pinkapples]

I had the same only I knew I had pcos and so could tell my dh as soon as we decided to go the other way and look into treatment as it did take us 4 years, countless treatment a miscarriage and 2 ivf's (currently 23 weeks preg) before we fell

All I'm saying is think about it long and hard and if its something you really want I would consider all your options and make sure your partner has his say as it may happen again naturally but it also may not x

[Kafri]

hey.
This exact situation caused me and my DH to split up for 12 months a couple of years back. I knew from being a teenager that I had PCOS and there 'could be' problems.
When it came to the crunch, DH freaked out and said he had decided he didn't want children. Kids were always a 'certain' in my life plan so I walked away in order to give myself time to meet the mr right that did want my children, or to at least try anyway. (Don't panic, I was planning on moving on from DH, getting to know the new Mr right etc - not just finding someone down an alley and trying for a baby, lol)
Anyway - DH did some thinking over the 12 months we were apart and decided that actually yes he did want kids in his future and if we were on a timescale then having them earlier than he originally thought was better than not at all.

So, fast forward a couple of years and our 12 week old ds is sleeping upstairs after successful IVF last Easter.

Anyway, through all that rambling, what i'm saying is TIME. not leave him for 12 months, that's a biit drastic

Oh just to add, DH was 30 when I left for 12 months.

xx

[Siri1]

I hope you can give him a bit of space to think about it. I have pcos but after a good few years of TTC naturally (immense fun) we turned to ivf. I think my DH wasn't actually ready for kids mentally until then...
It did take awhile but I didn't want anyone but him as a partner. You need to let him know that you are with him coz u want to be with him - not just a sperm donor. Let him know you are prepared to wait, but only you know how long you are prepared to wait & that is something that he should be prepared to compromise on too.