8 years ttc no 2 unexplained sub fertility IVF..??

[FairyInTheGarden]

Hi all.
i am 35 dh 38 ds 10 yrs, conceived naturally and by accident whilst on the pill.

Started trying for another when ds was around 18 months and couldn't conceive. Went through hell of a time having tests and was given a go at clomid which didn't result in a pg even though I was producing follicles/eggs etc.
After 3 or 4 rounds of clomid we gave up trying as mentally and emotionally I wasn't coping with the feelings of despair and feeling like a failure.

We decided to put an end to the heartache every month by my dh having a vasectomy. We thought it would finalise it all and that we would move on and be happy with what we had. Except it made me sad.
I suddenly realised it was a mistake so poor dh went back and paid privately to have a reversal done less than 8 months after the vasectomy.

We then just tried to relax and figured if its meant to be it will be, but its still not happened (4 years on from reversal) I'm really struggling with it all. Our son is constantly asking, begging for a brother or a sister and saying how unhappy he is being an only child. I feel such a failure.

We have had crunch talks tonight after son had another melt down about it all and we are now considering trying IVF but we are scared at the cost(we have no savings) and also scared of how I will/won't cope. I don't have any close friends or family it's just me my dh and ds.
Can anyone give any advice, words of wisdom or even give me a kick up the backside if I have come accross as down in the dumps?

PS we are in Scotland, Aberdeen if anyone would like to share ivf stories/support.

Many thanks x

[ChairOfTheBored]

Hi Fairy

Sorry you're going through this - it's really tough isn't it.

DH and I are at the start of what I suspect could be a long old wade through the IVF process. It's a roller coaster, emotionally, and I've learnt you have to leave your dignity at the door, but we do not have any DC yet, so it's something we're both prepared to go through in this hopes it will all be worth it in the end.

My only really tips are to be realisitc about the length of time it will take, and the chances of sucess, and be kind to each other. There have been moments when I have wanted to rage, and DH has got the blunt end of that. It's not his fault, and I didn't mean to take it out on him, but sometimes it's tough not to.

Also, he's learnt that suddenly being confronted with pregnant friends and relatives is something that doesn't tend to end well, and to remember to warn me in advance!

In terms of your boy, I'm an only, and you shouldn't feel guilty - I don't think I am any more spoilt, introverted or socially awkward than anyone else, nor do I feel my mum failed me. My mum made sure I was always surrounded by other kids growing up and she also had a good way of dealing with my 'I want a sibling stage'. She and my DF split when I was young, so another baby was not an option, but she instead invited friends with a very young baby to stay for a few days - a few nights of broken sleep soon reminded me to count my blessings as an only!

[FairyInTheGarden]

Thanks Chair. I know what you mean about the rages and needing someone to vent at.

I have been through just about every friend having kids left right and centre. Most have 3 now all since we had our first.

Its good hearing you are an on ly and didnt mind. I worry though as our ds doesnt have a lot of family and only one cousin who he rarely gets to see. We have a strained family relations so it really is just the 3 of us.

We are new to the area too and he made friends easily but again hot upset cos they all have brothers and sisters and he doesnt. Seeing him so upset really tears me apart and it brings it all back.

If im honest with myself i cant see IVF working for us but cant explain why, just a feeling it would be pointless. I wish it came wiyh a guarantee, the costs would cripple us.

I really hope ivf works for you and you get your bundle of joy before long.

[ChairOfTheBored]

Thank you - best of luck with whatever you decide to do.