Tired, fed up and turning into a dragon

[cookiemonster100]

History: TTC for 2+ yrs, been through all the tests, had laparoscopy in Feb which diagnosied endo grade 4. One tubed blocked but they have fixed, albeit temporay.

TTC for so long, with friends popping out their 3rd, montly mointering of the right time to you know what is turning me into a dragon. Poor DH can't do any right, and just gets in the neck all the time. I feel permantly down in the dumps, and have no interest in seeing friends etc. I end up spending loads of money to cheer myself up which is now just getting silly. I feel like I am going crazy!
Anyone else going through this, or do I need to have a word with myself?

[milk]

Do you have a summer holiday planned?

[raspberrytipple]

I can completely sympathise, I have times when I completely lose control and cannot get anything level in my head. The smallest things become mountains that I can't get around, everything anyone says hurts my feelings and I just want to make people hurt like I'm hurting and sadly, as DH is the closest to me it's him that my frustration comes out on. I also spend money to alleviate my emptiness and, as I have done in the last few days, I 'control' anything I have control over because I can't seem to control my ability to have a baby. It can be small things like closing my FB account because everything everyone writes pisses me off, or causing an argument because it will give me the opportunity to shout. I'm not really angry with the person I argue with but if I'm angry and arguing with them, I'm not angry and frustrated with myself at that exact minute.

All that said, I am not too bad at the moment, DH and are I very happy, he is a wonderful man, we have lots to look forward to and we are making progress with our infertility journey so there is lots to be positive about.

February isn't too long ago, get on the shag wagon and hopefully soon the lap will work it's magic as I've heard it does for people ( I had one 4 weeks ago nearly, I had mild endo and my right ovary was stuck to something, my tubes were clear though).

Please never forget you are not alone, what you are feeling is understandable in such a horrible situation. Hopefully in a few days/week you will feel more positive again, that's usually how it happens with me, I have a down week then I pick up again for a few weeks. Best thing I ever read was someone saying that infertility is something you live with day in day out and it is as stressful as grieving for the loss of a loved one so you need to allow yourself some 'down' time. She coped with it by saying 'right, from 900 a.m. - 10.00 a.m. I am going to allow myself to cry like a baby, scream shout, be completely overwhelmed by it then as soon as 10 a.m. comes, thats the new day. I tried it for a week and it helped, I hit the one week mark and actually felt better for it, I had my time set aside in the evening when I'd allow myself to be sad and soon found that because I didn't have to fight myself to stop feeling sad, i felt a lot less pressure to be 'on form' the rest of the time. I don't know if that makes sense but it gave me a bit of control and it helped me. xx

[raspberrytipple]

wow - sorry for the essay!

[cookiemonster100]

Rasberry, thanks for your kind words. Yep its true good days and bad days. I like the idea of allowing yourself time to actually cry and then start a fresh. I might try that next time.
We went away for a night away last min deal and did us both the world of good. We also had a good chat which has helped.
Wishing you well on your journey xx

[HaveALittleFaithBaby]

Yup, totally get this. Last week I was an evil cow as I got my third pregnancy announcement of the week and AF :( and started cycle # um 32?! Ttc is so tough when you have difficulties. What's helped us is a few things - I take a magnesium supplement to help with hormonal balance, post on MN - I'd recommend joining an ongoing thread - there's the hut of gl/doom in infertility here or I'd recommend the BESH thread in conception. The current BESH thread is a Eurovision theme! I find it helps to know I'm not alone as the announcements come in! It's always good to make holiday plans, gives you something to look forward to. If you struggle to get in the mood, we've found massage very effective. Nice and relaxing but also provides skin-to-skin contact which sometimes gets us in the mood - key thing is we agree before the massage it's not a guaranteed prelude to sex so we don't wind up arguing if it doesn't happen!
Please do consider joining a long running thread for support, I'll link my favourites: the hut of gl/doom and the BESH threads. Apologies if they don't work, I'm on my phone. Obviously have a look round in conception too, it's just those are the ones where I've felt at home!

[cookiemonster100]

Hi all,

Me again. In the past 24 hours the following have happened

1. My cousin has announced she is pg
   
2. Someone on my team has announced she is pg
   
3. Dh cousin has just had their baby.
   
4. And what can my mother say..."why don't you have a baby"? Wtf!
   

Grumpy. Fed up. Tired.
Just needed to offload, ( sorry if I sound bitter, am happy for them all just wallowing if my own self pity)

[nellie02]

Oh cookiemonster, sorry to hear you've had a shitty week. How are you doing now?

You have my full sympathies for struggling to cope with pregnancy announcements. It's awful isn't it.

Does your mum know you're ttc? Is it something you feel you could tell her?

[QuiteRural]

Cookiemonster, that really is crappy. Give yourself time, then shake it off. I really hope it will be your turn soon and perhaps you could have a moment with your mum to explain what's going on.

I've been reading the lovely support in this thread and I though it doesn't always help, I do get your pain. I'm 2 years ttc and had laparoscopy 4 weeks ago, and trying to shake off the pain and act normally. I know my bf is putting of telling me she is pg for the 2nd time. The spending money thing is something I keep trying to keep quiet and thought it was just a phase. I bought a travel cot this week - wtf!

Hormones are shitty. Telling your DH "we have to try tonight" is shitty.
The pressures you put on yourself are shitty.


You're really not on your own.