E-MAIL TESCO HAVE JUST SENT ME RE. HORSEMEAT. To laugh or cry peeps, that is the question...

[StoicButStressed]

Just received e-mail with arse saving statement personal customer letter from Philip Clarke, Tesco CEO. Whole mail is below, please note that all/any emboldening and any accompanying comments/Q's are mine and I take full responsibility for them...just as Tesco clearly is......

My fav bit is the 'Here's my promise'.... Go on, brace yourself for the amazingness that's gonna be coming our way:

we will set a new benchmark for the testing of products, to give you confidence that if it isn't on the label, it isn't in the product. I think he means like we (pretty reasonably?) did have?
====================================================
Food Concerns
OUR RESPONSIBILITY AND OUR PROMISE.

Dear Stoic

Nothing is more important to Tesco than the trust our customers place in us. Stoic ROFL as that is just such utter BS - that's BULL btw, not HS (Horse shit). What is more important to Tesco (et al) is the profits they make from us l'il trusting customers, no?

And that trust depends on the quality of the products we sell. No shit Sherlock?

Since we became aware that a small number of Tesco processed meat products have been contaminated with horsemeat, we have been working flat out to get to the bottom of the issue. Ah, thank you Phil. Vehee vehee kind of you - in fact a big 'ol YE-HAH to you for that.

While tests continue (err, you mean there's yet more to come Philikins?), today I want to make a clear promise to customers and to tell you about the rigorous processes we have put in place to prevent this situation happening again.

Here's my promise: we will set a new benchmark for the testing of products, to give you confidence that if it isn't on the label, it isn't in the product. And that will be backed up by an industry-leading commitment to enable you to find out much more about what's in the food we sell and how it's produced.
Let me tell you some of the things we are doing immediately:

I have asked my team to review our approach to the supply chain, to ensure we have visibility and transparency, and to come back with a plan to build a world class traceability and DNA testing system. Now that's a jolly good idea Phil? Tad late though as think the horse has bolted now?

We are building a new website, which will enable our customers to see the progress we are making with our testing programme, and which products have been tested so you can be sure of where we are in the process

We pledge that over the weeks and months ahead, we will open up our supply chain, and give you more information than any retailer has before to enable you to make informed choices about the food you buy for your family. (Like I thought I WAS informed when I checked labels religiously you mean Phil?)

And I am determined that no customer will lose out as a result of the testing process we are going through, so from Saturday 16 February if a product is tested and then withdrawn from sale, we will provide you with a better alternative for the same cost. You can find more details at your local store. (Ok, now you're just scaring me Phil, as what you are saying is you are pretty certain there are products on sale right NOW that will come back at subsequent date as contaminated?)

This is just the beginning: I am clear that, as the UK's leading food retailer, it is Tesco's responsibility to lead on this issue. Our priority right now is to complete our testing programme as quickly and thoroughly as possible, because people need to have confidence in all Tesco products. In addition, we are looking in great detail at every aspect of how products are sold in Tesco and at how our relationships with our suppliers become more transparent and collaborative. (So Phil hon, you mean you'll both stop squeezing the shit out of your suppliers and also have a vague clue what it is you're selling us?)

Where changes are needed, we'll make sure they are made. And let me be clear that this doesn't mean more expensive food - it just means doing things the right way, and accepting nothing less than the highest possible standards in the supply chain.

My absolute focus is on giving our customers complete confidence that every single product on sale in Tesco is of the highest quality and contains exactly what it says on the pack. It's what you expect of us, and it's what we demand of ourselves. (I think what you're trying to say there Phil is: 'Or else we are screwed as our LFL sales will plummet; ditto profit; ditto shareholder dividends' - correct? Yes, I thought so.)

Yours sincerely,
Philip Clarke
Chief Executive

Fuck off and give me my money back.

[McBalls]

Got that email earlier too.

How to string a pile of words together whilst saying nothing of any real value at all.

[Corygal]

Tesco is just trying to avoid giving customers the refunds the law says they should get.

[Corygal]

Neigh, neigh and thrice neigh Phil - that don't work.

[Trills]

They have a full page ad in The Times saying basically the same thing

[StoicButStressed]

Mutt - poss even a simple "sorry" in there somewhere?

[McBalls]

Thing is, what is there to say?

This is a shit thing to have happened, we will do our best to stop it ever happening again?

Beyond that its all self-serving twaddle. Wish the had a correspondence preference choice to indicate that am in no need of lengthy arse-covering emails.

[JakeBullet]

I got it too Stoic......I think you should return it with your annotations

[StoicButStressed]

Jake... Nah (neigh even...). I think I should pull together an army of equally royally pissed of MN'ers to march with me as I ride a horse Lady Godiva stylee to Head Office and deliver it on scroll so he can keep it for posterity

[ommmward]

They've lost me. I've found a local farmers' co-op who'll do home delivery cheaper than Tesco, and they know precisely which animal the cut of meat I'm buying came from. They do local veg too.

[StoicButStressed]

ommm - serious Q: how did you find them. I've been trying but haven't found much local other than heftily priced 'artisan' type stuff..

[ommmward]

I put the name of the nearest city and "local food" into google, and found myself on a friends of the earth website with links to lots of 'artisan-y' stuff, but also with links to a couple of places that are just local, not organic, free range individually hand reared carrots.

You could also look at the 5-a-day veg box company - don't know how national they are, but they are non-organic local produce and they do meat as well (and they know the butcher and he knows the meat yada yada).

Local butcher's van? My mum has one of those and, again, he knows which fields the lambs he is selling were grazing in. Not organic, just local.

Farm shops? Or are they too overpriced? Your local milkman might have contacts?

[ommmward]

I've got friends who've opted out entirely and just raise their own pigs. But they have great big tracts of land punching above my weight socially

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think you're being unkind. The problem is not just Tesco supply but is cropping up all over Europe, affecting retailers and manufacturers alike. Against allegations of covering up and staying quiet, it's right that the companies involved have the guts to stick their head over the parapet & communicate what they are doing to set things straight with customers. Food fraud is a serious problem, the big retailers have done more than most people appreciate in order to raise standards, and whilst this is an appalling state of affairs, I don't think vitriol at this e-mail is justified.

[Beaaware]

Dear Mr.Clarke,

Re: My health

I think the least you can do is to offer to pay for every customer who has purchased one of your contaminated beef products to have a blood test to confirm if we have or have not been contaminated with 'Phenylbutazone' or any other equine drug which is banned from human food chain. Sod the meal refund, I want to be reassured that Tesco's has not given me or my family meals containing horse drugs.