Joanna Moorhead article in Wednesday's Guardian about firstborns

[marthamoo]

link to article

This made me smile yesterday. Especially the bit about having 12 albums of photos - 8 of which are of her first born. This holds true in the moo household too. We photographed every single aspect of ds1's existence - have photo's of first smile, first injury (holding a cardboard sign with an arrow to point out a miniscule scrape!), first taste of baby rice (well, I videoed that), chicken pox, ds1 eating, ds1 sleeping....

Ds2? Well, the Moorhead article says it all really!

Interesting that first borns are supposed to be more successful in life - I had heard that but wasn't sure if it was true or just a rumour put about by firstborns (of which I am one).

So...thoughts? Do second and subsequent children get overlooked/treated differently? I think in my case ds2 has been but I think it's kind of healthy. Ds1 was so scrutinised, and mine and dh's relationship with him was so intense. He's turned into a very sensitive, shy little boy (maybe he would have anyway). Ds2 just got thrown in at the deep end and is a much more happy-go-lucky, get stuck in, outgoing little chap.

[Tinker]

Not read the article yet moo (will in a bit) but family placing is interesting. "They" say a 7 year gap or more = 2 only children. Mine have different fathers so I fear the first one will get pushed out a bit.

My eldest is not shy though and that's with a me and her only intense relationship for 5 years.

And how is 'more successful in life' defined? My brother (oldest) is (possibly) financially more secure but me and other brother have the conventional (and not so conventional) family life.

[marthamoo]

True, Tink, it depends on how you 'measure' success, if indeed such a thing is possible. In the article it's defined as



Now I studied longer than my younger brother and I have a degree and he doesn't. But he's a high-flying, well-off, career type and I'm a SAHM (so I do work full time, I just don't get paid ). Emotionally though his life's FUBAR (messy divorce, subsequent angst ridden relationships) whereas mine is..ooh I hesitate to say sorted, but on the surface at least, more settled.

So out of the two of us, which is more 'successful'?

[marthamoo]

Hausfrau - I'm a first born and my parents have an album of photo's of my younger brother and none of me. I convinced myself I had been adopted - turned out that my baby photo's were all on slides and that's why I hadn't seen them!

[Fennel]

I am dutifully slogging through making the scrapbook and taking as many photos and noting developmental milestones for dd3 as for the other two. so she doesn't feel neglected when she's older. but as I'm not really interested in when exactly she gets teeth etc I do sometimes make up the milestones in her scrapbook.

[Fennel]

Hausfrau that's a good idea.

i really didn't manage to make an exciting pregnancy diary 3rd time round. my entries (about once a month, maximum) kept reading "Just like the last two times..."

[marthamoo]

I have a journal of ds1's development - which has really morphed into a "funny things he says" book. Poor ds2 has nothing except a few scraps of paper tucked into ds1's (like a list of the words he could say at 14 months etc.) He's going to have a complex isn't he?

[dolbear]

1st borns rule the world and 2nds are always trying to change it
I read somewhere

[Tommy]

I'm 5th born - don't recall many photos of me as a baby at my parents' - will investigate asap

[suedonim]

Ds1 must be the only firstborn who was less photographed than later children. We didn't have camera then (1975) and he's six wks old in his very first pic!

Interesting about the seven yr spacing, Tinker, as I have 8yrs between no2&3 and 9yrs between 3&4. Now dd1 is going to uni next month dd2 seems very much an only child. She's the only child at school without a sibling to play/argue with etc. Mind you, First-Class-Honours-Psychology-Degree ds2 told us she's been the most difficult child for us because dh and I are neglectful and complacent. What it is to be young and know everything, lol!

[troutpout]

Mmmmmmm I have definatley run out of steam with regards to documenting every little moment.
I have albums and albums of Ds..if you shot each one as a frame you'd have a non stop movie...
'Look here's ds eating a banana...oh and look he's finished now and is eating some yoghurt...oh and here comes a breadstick'
Dd..bless her... I sort of filled in the baby book after the event..just so i could put the damn thing away ..and..couldn't remember when she got some of her teeth ...so just made it up
Couldn't leave it blank could i?..otherwise she'll hate me when she's older.
Can't help but feel that Dd benefits a bit from not being so constantly under our scrutiny anyway (although...yep i admit i def don't do as much with her either) ... But we were suffocating the poor boy with all that intensity. We used to 'stare ' at him constantly dh and i. Some how...it wasn't 'healthy'
And i think a lot of it has to do with the individual child surely?...(she says ..trying to justify her obvious neglect of baby no2).
I was no6 out of 7 anyway...and i have the most qualifications...the others all left school at 16... i stayed on took 2 years out and then went to Uni.
Sooooooo....Ahem...Yep...i'd say it's def down to the individual child

[wordsmith]

Yep very hard to keep the momentum going with the second (and subsequent). I have about four 60-min camcorder tapes of my kids taken over 5 years, but lots of photos. It's easier now I've got a digital camera, you can just delete the crap ones.

A friend of mine had 40 camcorder tapes of her DS by his 3rd birthday. She videoed virtually every sneeze!

[fsmail]

I am second born and did notice a difference and therefore have over-compensated with DD (2nd). DM always thought I coped better and therefore let me get on with things which was good in the long term but a bit upsetting at the time. Interesting that my DM and older sister both first-born put their first borns first too. Is that something that follows? I was more succesful in work (competitive you see) than my older sister although she did better academically. However, I read that more entrepreneurs were born lower down the scale because they are forced to think differently to the eldest who takes the more traditional route. My younger sister is definitely more like that.

[spidermama]

So true. But IME first borns feel the pressure more, so perhaps it all evens out.

I like Joanna Moorhead. She works from home, with four kids running around downstairs. Respect. I couldn't.

[Tinker]

Have read it now. I was the 3rd and the only one who went on to HE. My mum was teh 7th of 8 and the only one who went on to HE. I don't think I'm representative really. Loads of pics of my first because just me and her. Lots of 2nd because she's my partner's first.

[melissasmummy]

As the last of 4 children, I am the most sucessful.

Didn't gain much in the way of GCSE's but since have trained to be a Qualified Dental Nurse & Qualified Receptionist.

Up until 2 years ago (dd's birth, I took half day off work for hospital visit & had to have her there & then) I worked for 15 years, none of my siblings have done this.

I don't think it has anything to do with when you were born, just how hard you work, what type of friends you fall in with & how determined you are to succeed!

[melissasmummy]

Incidentally, my older bother, the firstborn....

Failed dismally at school
Never worked a day in his life
Has 5 children that he doesn't see
& is in prison for minor offences!

Don't really think he did so well!

[blueteddy]

My ds1 has 2 albums, 2 baby books & a whole photo box full of pictures.
Ds2 has one baby book with a handful of pictures in & a few photos at the back of the photo box!
Ds1 was pandered to by everyone & is very lazy now! He is also a very anxious child.
Ds2 was left to get on with things more & is far more confident, he also tries to do far more for himself already (he is 2)
I think it is because you don't have as much time or energy once you have more than 1 child, but it doesn't mean they are loved any less!

[Gobbledigook]

Never mind all that - I almost blubbed at the closing sentence!!!

[expatkat]

Like Melissasmummy, in my family the first born (me) turned out less "successful" than the second born.

[QueenEagle]

My dd's every movement was recorded and lovingly placed in photo albums pretty much along the same lines as you moo.

Now I'm on #5 and I haven't yet put a single photo of him in an album yet and he's 8 mths old

[Tortington]

i never phtographed anyof them very much. i was pretty poor at baby stuff all round. so no one got preferential treatment.