am scared....

[bridget001]

hello everyone

i have posted on mumsnet before but am not really a regular...

i really would like some advice from some hs mum', i really realy want to hs my son he is 6 and in primary 2, i dont have any problems with his school, but i always wanted to hs my kids since before i even had them, i've been doin alot if reasearch about it and reading hs blogs etc and i really want to do this but am scared?

am afraid of

1. not enjoying having my kids round me 24/7

1. my son not enjoying being round me 24/7

1. my son missing school and what it has to offer

1. failing him in his education

i feel confident enough its more or less my own fears that are stoppin me, i was hoping that after the xmas hol i would dereg him and start hs him, i can that this would be better in the long run for us all but still worried

can anyone offer any advice please, i would really appreciate it.

thanks
bridget

[lindenlass]

1. Hopefully you'll soon make some nice HE family friends who you can arrange to child-swap with sometimes for a break. Do you have family who'll have your children for you for an hour or so a week?

1. Unlikely - most children love being with their parents (unless their parents are horrid of course - something I doubt if you're considering HEing him!). I guess it may take time for you to get used to being with eachother the whole time, but how does it work in the holidays? It'll be just like that!

1. What does school have to offer that's so good? Nothing IMO!

1. You'll do a whole lot better than a school would if you want to HE him - children learn so much just from chatting to someone a lot and he'll only be able to do that if you HE him. My children are way ahead of what they would be in school for their knowledge of the world, and also happen to be way ahead in literacy and numeracy too (my DD1 learnt to read early for an autonomously educated child but that's just her) and we do nothing structured at all! Believe me, we really do just live life and I frequently worry that I'm not doing enough, but I clearly am as they know loads. I truly believe they'd know far less if they were in school, and also may even have been put off learning completely. My DDs switch off if I ever do start trying to teach them things - they learn far better when I stay well out of it!

My advice would be 'get thee to some HE groups' and make some HE friends to build your confidence - it's only through spending a lot of time with other HEors over the last few years that's given me so much confidence in HE even though, like you, I planned to HE from before my oldest was born.

[julienoshoes]

"'get thee to some HE groups' "

Hear Hear!
That is exactly what I would recommend too!
See if you can meet up with other like minded people and chat about these concerns.
I'm sure they will put your mind at rest and help you think through your options to resolve your concerns.

Also why not join the Early Years Home Ed support list? You get a lot of support there from folks who have been in exactly the place you are right now!

[bridget001]

hello again

thanks very much for the support an advice, am in northern ireland i dont think there is a he support group but i do have a friend in belfast who is hs her lot so i could meet up with her hopefully, i will join the early years list and get myself some more books.

i think i probably will do it now would u believe am feelin sorry for his teacher in case she thinks it cuz of her and its not i might pop down to her for a chat, the school is over the road am worried that when he hears the kids out at break time he'll want to be at school, and i will feel that am doin it all for nothing...

not having a great kids day they seem to be whingin alot to day what do u do on days like this when u just want to run away from them all...lol...

anyway thanks again

bridget

[julienoshoes]

HEdNI There you go!
I'm sure if there are home ed folks nearish to you, that would be the place to find them!

and you may also be interested in reading Not Sheep a blog by a home ed mom to six lads in (I'm pretty sure)NI.

"what do u do on days like this when u just want to run away from them all"

Personally I'd run-but with them!
On a day like today I'd have taken them outside to the woods/park/hills/beach and run around and used up excess energy-and when sitting down for a rest, we'd have been chatting about anything and anything. In our house it is all to do with the coming festivities so maybe we'd have been collecting holly/ivy/mistletoe or anything we could make into decorations.
We usually would talk about the changing seasons and the winter solstice is a good topic right now-what it is, what it means.

Then probably have come home and had soup to warm us back up, maybe home made, with everyone helping. Or maybe straight from a tin while we all flopped in front of the TV to recover and warm up!

That's one of the beauties of home ed, enjoying the seasons and the outdoors whilst the sun is shining and everyone else is cooped up in a classroom!

[WTSS]

im scared too. dd is only 2.5 but i have recently realized that she is the only 2.5 yr old i know (and i know a lot) who is not in some sort of nursery or preschool already.
i have her down for a place at a nursery for when she turns 3 but am not sure if i'll bother - am thinking of getting loosely involved with the local HE groups so she has some friends there when the 'where is she going to school?' questions start. i've met a few people from there already and they all seem very friendly and approachable.

still, i feel quite nervy right now. maybe because its coming up faster than i thought. i'd would really appreciate any thoughts to remind me that HE is a good idea and that I can actually do it. Bridget001's list are my fears exactly.

[julienoshoes]

Hello WTSS. In our local group families come along with young children from early on, so the toddler gets used to the idea that it is perfectly normal not to go to school and so they will know lots of people who don't-and who have great fun!

I think your fears are normal. Asa society we have it drummed into us that going to school is normal and the only way to socialise and to leanr. Finding out there is a home ed community out there doing things differently is like 'Alice stepping through the Looking Glass' it is bound to be scary at first.

Chatting with others at the same stage may well help.
The local group would be a great source of help -and try the Early Years HE support list, I suggested. Chat to others and they will tell you how they have overcome those fears.

[julienoshoes]

Also have you read some of the books and websites about home ed?
There are thrads here on those lines-I'll go bump the for you.

[bridget001]

hi

well at least am not the only one then, that blog was great but she doesnt say if she is in ni i think i'll email her and ask, thanks alot

my main worry is that ds1 has been in school for a year and half what if he misses it has anyone experienced this?

thanks again for the support

[twisha]

hi i started he-ing 3 wks ago, been thinking of it for years, what made me do it?

1. firstly, my 2 youngest 12/13 were being totally isolated in secondary school,and being bullied at break, so i took them out, i wasnt going to send them to be hurt.
2. i have been teaching my other children (4 of them) in the evening to catch up on things they didnt understand and that the teachers didnt have time to help them with as they have about 30 others to try and deal with aswell.

3.you bring your kids up to be nice,polite and well mannered, they go to school and become different kids after mixing with others who's parents couldnt care less.
4.they have a good learning capability but its stunted at school because they take sooo
long to cover every item.
i am so glad we decided to get them out, we have had the children 24/7 and its great, no more worries about whats happening at school to them, and if a teacher can be bothered to do anything, and the amount of things that they learn in the course of a day is a lot more than you'd imagine, everything becomes a topic!

[bridget001]

hello ladies

twisha thats brill that you have started already, can i ask you how did the school react to u taking ur kids out during term, did any teachers try an talk u out of it, i dont like to be looked at as if am a bad mother and i bet i'll get that look lol from the teachers

why do i feel as if i should apologise to his teacher for taking him out is it normal to feel like this they probably going to think am mad

so when i deregister should i just do a letter drop it in and not send ds1 ro school or should i meet with the head and explain to her what am doing and maybe pop down to his teacher and have a chat and say thanks etc

am i over worrying this

i asked my son again today about it and he seems to really want this which is a huge surprise to me as he never really had much to say for or against school, i wonder does he understand fully i even said to him will u not miss break time and dinner time and he said no infact he wants to do some writting today

has anyone ever had a child who missed school how did you handle that??

thanks everyone again

bridget

[onwardandmerrilyupward]

It's such an unknown step Bridget. But I think it's wonderful wonderful wonderful that you are asking your son honestly "so, do you want to go to school, because if not you needn't" and he is able to say "well, actually, no, I don't really want to go".

Personally, I think a lot of children just get on with going to school because noone has ever presented to them the alternative of living a different way. But if offered the chance of not going to school, they'll jump at it. And I think a lot of children let their parents believe they love school, because the children think that is what the parents want to hear (and they are probably right).

All you have to do to deregister is drop a letter off at the school instead of your son one morning! (get a receipt for it at the school office, so they can't "lose" it) If you want to pop in and see the teacher and say "thanks so much - it's nothing personal" that might work -you could do it on his last afternoon at goinghome time. I wouldn't go and see the head myself - they have no emotional connection with your son and are massively invested (£££ if nothing else) in keeping him on the register. If anyone tried to dissuade you it would be the Head.

[bridget001]

hello again

well its decided now he is goin to be home educated, i just placed an order for some ks1 work books and reading books although i plan on not being too strict so to speak but would like him to do reading every day and practice writting and math it came to 60 pounds which i thought was ok money is tight right now but this stuff should last him a while lol

can i as for those who have he a 6 yr old what subjects did u do each day did u timetable different subjects on different days, i dont plan on following a particular curriculum or making him work a set amount of time each day but he will do some stuff i hope lol.....any advice on how to get myself started

thanks

bridget

[bridget001]

me again

i probably should of asked before i ordered stuff but is there any particular place that is good for books, i ordered from schofield and sims does anyone know of them or has used them

thanks again

[streakybacon]

Schofield and Sims books are very good, I'm using them for my 10 year old. You can get them cheaper at Pickabook. I use S&S to look at the pdf files and work out which levels to buy, then get them from Pickabook. Free postage over £15 too .

[onwardandmerrilyupward]

I'd take from now till the New Year to do NOTHING at all "educational" to be honest. There's a process called "deschooling", where your son just needs time and space to come out of that sort of insitutional mind set.

And then in the New Year, you can do anything:

full blown National Curriculum with work books to support it all

or just have some work books so you are sure you're covering the basics of maths/reading/writing and for the rest of the education, just follow the interests of the child and have fun conversations about everything under the sun and improvise crafts and whatever else

or do the completely child-led style, where you don't even insist on workbooks but have a lot of "purposive conversations" where a child asks questions and you just take the conversation from there.

Get hold of the Alan Thomas and Harriet Pattison "How children Learn at Home" - it's a really reassuring read about how much children learn when we let go of goals and targets for them!

(I'd say with the work books, you're likely to find that it goes in fits and starts, with a week where it's ALL about workbooks and then a month where the child isn't interested at all. Personally, that's a flow I go with, but I nkow some people like to have more routine in their lives than me!)

[twisha]

hi bridget, the school never bothered to say anything!!
the only person who said anything was my older daughters (15) teacher (word rapidly got round the school!!)who said he that "these" might help, giving her 2xks3 work revision books, 1maths & 1 science, but not to let any1 know he'd done that, and wished us all the best, he knew what it was like to be bullied as he was himself all through school.
all the best, trisha

[Runnerbean]

My dd's teacher (who was also the dep Head of one of the supposed "best" schools in the borough), thought it was wonderful and said it was the best thing I could do for my daughter!
My LA inspector also told me not to bother sending my younger dd to school either because I was doing such a good job!!

[bridget001]

hello everyone

thats really encouraging ladies, am really sick at the moment and still managed to do some reading with ds1 so am well pleased, i feel more encouraged now am goin down to the school on mon to drop in the letter, i do have a serious case of nerves, i feel like am about the get married or something like that lol thats how nerve wrecking this is, but at least now i know that my decision has been made, i have started to sorta tell people that am he my sons so i guess this is really happening, my dh supports me but i think it did shock him that am goin through with this, i think he'll be proud of me once he see me getting started, he has promised to do 2 days i want kids to learn arabic my dh language and as well to take the pressure of me lol so i can escape on those days lol

anyway thanks again i cant wait till my work books arrive and i really cant wait till six months have passed and all this panic is a distant memory lol

thanks again any advice is much appreciated especially about getting started, i know deschooling is something i have to do but my ds1 is so enthusiastic at the moment he keeps getting out his reading books lol

take care
bridget

[streakybacon]

I think you have to go your own way bridget. I know that deschooling is recommended but I tried it with ds when he came out of school in October and it freaked him out. Like yours, he is enthusiastic about learning and wanted to continue working, so I introduced some learning activity to keep him interested. He also has Asperger's so it was important to give him a structure he was familiar with and we could stick to easily. I guess what I'm saying is that deschooling is the right approach for most Home edders but it doesn't fit everyone. Go with what you feel is right for your boy.

[bridget001]

hello everyone again

thanks streakybacon and everyone

so tonight experienced my first doubts from my family, my mum was like "but i want ds1 to be a doctor or something else like a teacher" lol she didnt really believe me when i told her that ds1 can still be a dr if thats what he wants and oh "are u sure ur able mentally for he" ok i do suffer from depression but am getting treated and am fine at home with my kids lol

my dh was like leave him in school till after xmas i think he thinks that ill get sick of him over xmas and be like ur goin back to school lol so i adamantly told him am dropping the letter down on mon

my ds came to my defence though and im so proud of him he told his gran the whole story about him doin school at home i wasnt even around for the conv and my mum asked him wont u miss school and he said no gran its annoying and my mum asked him about breaktime etc and he ryhmed off a whole time table to her that he gonna have playtime then do some reading and he can play in his garden am so proud of my lil man i never even spoke to him about things like that seems he understands more than i expected

anyway just wanted to tell someone who might understand that lol.....

thanks bridget