Does anyone homeschool with hyper/aggressive child?

[mumtoboys]

My son is 3 1/2 and his behaviour at pre-school is really getting me down. He is hyper and aggressive .. hitting and pushing and worse. Today he was awful apparently. I'm considering home schooling because he's so much better at home .. really calm most of the time and quite gentle with his younger brother. I'm worried that he's getting into a pattern of behaviour at pre-school and they're talking about getting him assessed (not sure what for). It's also really upsetting me and I'm worried each time I pick him up.

He's supposed to start school in September but I'm worried he'll turn into a problem kid and his behaviour will escalate. I feel pretty powerless to do much when the bad behaviour is at pre-school whereas at home I can be quite on top of any unacceptable behaviour and make sure he's occupied to prevent it in the first place.

He's very bright and inquisitive and really quite lovely when he's calm.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How do you make sure they still learn to socialise properly with other kids if they're at home as this is obviously going to be his problem area?

[SummatAnNowt]

You would end up getting out with other home edders and thus your child would end up socialising properly and better because you would be there to guide him and/or tend to his needs if he is getting overwhelmed or whatever his triggers are.

Obviously given such a disparity in his behaviour pre-school does not seem suitable for him right now.

You wouldn't be homeschooling with a hyper/aggressive child, but with your calm and gently boy.

[mumtoboys]

I should add that he's only calm at home because I'm quite strict with him. 3 warnings and then naughty step for any bad behaviour. Still not an angel but he hardly ever gets into that hyper, silly mood he gets in a pre-school because I can see it coming and nip it in the bud.

[cornsilk]

Maybe he's not ready for school yet. You could try him again when he's older.

[julienoshoes]

agree with SummatAnNowt
If you are home educating your little boy, he'll be as calm as you say he is.
He'll be able to socialise on his own terms and at his own pace.
If it gets to much for him, he can withdraw and you can deal with it in the way that is best for your child.

Where abouts are you mumtoboys?
It would be worth finding other home educators locally to you and maybe go along to one of their meetings to chat and put your mind at rest.

Some of the children in our group aren't able to cope with large numbers at such a young age and do much better in small groups or in one to one situations. This is just as valuable social contact as with big groups. He could move on to bigger groups if/when he is ready and when he is interested enough.

If you do decide to home educate him, I'd look around for small suitable groups and give up the preschool completely. Some countries don't do this type of schooling until the child is seven with no seeming detriment to the child long term.

Even if you don't home educate, I'd consider whether your little boy is ready for preschool. He is only 3 1/2 and education isn't obligatory until the term after they are five.

[streakybacon]

I've just deregistered my Aspie son (10) three weeks ago and finding it quite difficult at the moment. He's still recovering from the stress he encountered before I pulled him out and that is making his behaviour more unpredictable and he is very difficult to manage. He has always had a history of anger and aggression, plus the hyperactivity you mention in your ds. However, I do believe he's on the way back down and we are seeing spells of 'old ds' coming back, more and more each day. I truly think that his anger and aggression have always been linked to stress and anxiety and as those are being lifted now that he's no loner in school, and he begins to recover, so his aggression falls as well.

Some children take longer to get to grips with social skills and throwing them in the deep end and expecting them to cope is not the best way to go about it. If your son isn't ready, and he doesn't sound as though he is, working at home at his own pace, with social opportunities chosen and monitored by you, will probably be the best thing for him. I've done loads of social development work with my son but it's all been largely undone in a few weeks by a negligent school - you need consistency to develop such children and if school do it their way it may conflict with what you know your son needs.

Don't rush him. Do it his way.

[mumtoboys]

Thanks for the supportive comments. I feel so frustrated because his behaviour at home has been getting better and better as I've been firm with him/ built routines that work but it seems to make no difference whatsoever at preschool.

Think I'm going to have to pull him out but I'm feeling a lot calmer now I'm coming towards that decision.

[Fava]

Hi mumstoboys,
I have taken my 7yo out of school two weeks tomorrow! He has never been an easy child but Nursery turned him into a monster. It seemed that the only social skills he was learning were negative ones. At the time I thought it was to early for him to go to school and now I know it was! This week alone, educated at home, my son seems to have had a massive social growth spurt and for the first time in his life he has made friends. If I could turn back the clock, I would take him out of nursery at the first signs of trouble and wait 'til I think he's ready for formal education.