I have just recommended this forum to a friend and have a question

[KatieDD]

Why do people against HE post answers on here.
I do not get it at all, if I was against bottle feeding for example I wouldn't click on the bottle feeding forum and stick my 2p worth in there.
I've read some of the threads which I was hoping my friend would find useful and on most of them is somebody stating how much they loved school and it worked for them, well good for you but why the need to harp on about it on here ?
I'm worried that some brilliant advice is overlooked because the negative comments are first on the page.

[Runnerbean]

I know what you mean KatieDD.
I often feel tempted to visit the 'Primary' threads and question,
"why do you send your kids to school?"
"don't you worry about 'socialisation'?"
"What about GCSE's?"
"Don't you worry they are missing out on the real world, shut in a classroom all day?"
"I wish I could do it, you are all very brave",

I could go on...... and I'll duck the forthcoming onslaught...

My best advice in the vulnerable beginnings of HE is to NOT visit MN but go to one of the many supportive yahoo or google forums and join www.education-otherwise.co.uk .

[AbbeyA]

I never even post on here if someone is asking for advice about how to deregister a child or about specific questions on HE, in fact I never look on the HE section.
However if I look at the messages in the last 15 minutes section and something comes up that is more open (like the one with a MIL against HE thread)then I have a go. I think that it is important to give an opposing view.I also feel it necessary to redress the balance if people are slagging off schools or giving the impression that John Holt's study of American schools in 1958 is relevant today (educationalists were reading them-and taking note 40 years ago!).
I like the debate but have come to the conclusion that people who HE have to put up with critism on a daily basis so are over sensitive on the subject. It always gets nasty which is never my intention. However if you post on a public board you have to expect all views. I think it would be very unhealthy to have it as a purely self congratulatory board.If you are secure in your decisions and know that you are doing a good job then it really shouldn't worry you.

[KatieDD]

But if I said the same about Breast feeding to somebody who's tried and ended up on formula, there would be a bloody riot (and I wouldn't btw).
I'm sorry like Runnerbean said there is plenty of opportunity on the other forums to wind up people having a bad time with the school system and yet they wouldn't dream of it so why is acceptable to do so on here, just seems odd to me.

[Doodle2U]

Katie, it's a forum and forums spark debate. When posters get rattled, the debate rages but quite often, that leads to some great posts which are useful, which might not otherwise have been written.

[Saturn74]

KatieDD, perhaps your friend may be interested in this group?

uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/homeeducatingmumsnetters/

[AbbeyA]

I like debate! Life would be so boring if we all thought the same! What ever is wrong in someone having an opposing view! I have actually learnt quite a lot on this HE board. I am not going to name names but there are several regular posters who are anti school and very firmly on the side of HE,I can tell from their posts that they do an excellent job and have mature, well balanced children. I would be happy for them to have my DCs, equally there are some very narrow minded people who are quite unpleasant and I wouldn't want them anywhere near my DCs!
It is so sad that you are only supposed to agree with people. I had no idea that bf/ff was such a touchy subject, being far beyond that stage. I made a fairly mild pro breast feeding comment and NEVER again!!

[nlondondad]

On debate in general:-

Debates on bulletin boards often get more heated than they would face to face, bear that in mind. if a posting annoys you, skip it.

On Home Education

The reason people get worked up about it is:-

Education is a very emotive subject

Anyone who home educates implicitly challenges those of us who dont and makes us wonder if we have done the right thing.

I suspect that the converse is also true for those who home ed!

[AbbeyA]

Very true nlondondad. I think that you have it in a nutshell!

[AMumInScotland]

I think there's a problem because education is something that everybody has some opinion on, whether they have children of school age yet, or just remember what was good or bad from their own school days. So a lot of threads here will get responses from people on that basis.

Some posters do get upset about it, and feel they're constantly having to defend their choice - luckily there are lots of other HE only forums and email groups, and I think it's a good plan for people to join those to get positive help about HE. My view has always been that it's good we're visible on here to let people know that it's a valid choice - it was certainly very helpful to me when I first looked into HE to find that there were discussions about it in a forum full of "normal" mothers. I would have been very hesitant joining in an HE forum when I first wanted information, and in fact I still haven't joined any despite HEing since last summer!

Like a lot of MN, I think anyone who posts here does have to expect a range of responses to any query, and be prepared to take the useful points from them whether they are supportive or challenging.

[Blandmum]

and sometimes posted activly ask for a range of view points.

[AMumInScotland]

Yes, we've had posts which actually said "please give me all opinions on all sides" - and then had complaints half way down about "why do people come on here and say negative things about HE?"

[Squack]

I don't post on here anymore.

I know that we are doing the right thing for us. I'm not interested in arguing with anyone from the school system, horses for courses.

I do always appreciate martianbishops comments however

[Blandmum]

thank you sweetheart, that was very kind!

[AMumInScotland]

I'm happy to argue with anyone about anything, on HE or any other topic, so it totally doesn't bother me, but then I'm in a position where my family are not hassling me about the choice to HE, I'm confident in the decision we've made, I'm happy to deal with any officials from the LA or whatever, and I can see the pros and cons of both HE and school.

[AMumInScotland]

Oh, and I appreciate martianbishop's comments on HE threads too - she always gives a useful point of view without being judgemental

[AbbeyA]

Yours seems a very balanced viewpoint AMuminScotland. I feel that if you are confident in your decisions then you can enjoy the debate.
I may seem anti HE but I can see the pros, and for some children it is all pros. I only come on here to put the other viewpoint when school is viewed as toxic to all children with the assumption being that those of us who send our DCs to school are damaging them.
I supply teach so I have intimate knowledge of a lot of schools. I am lucky because I choose, I only teach at schools that I like.(All state schools) There are dreadful schools but there are wonderful ones. HE is the same-it covers the whole range from excellent through good enough to dreadful.

[AMumInScotland]

Well, despite the fact that DS is legally HE, I count myself as an imposter in some ways, so I probably come at HE from a very different viewpoint from most! HErs can usually be divided into those who chose it for "Philosophical" reasons either in general or because of their child's personality or needs, and those who chose it for "Emergency" reasons such as bullying, school admissions issues etc.

We are neither - we just stumbled into it when looking at the available options when DS was having to change schools, and decided we could do a "Pick & Mix" education which fitted his needs and interests much better than any school we could find a place at. So he is studying for iGCSEs through an internet school in the mornings, and following his other interests in the afternoons.

It's not what most people think of when they imagine HE, but so far as the legal side is concerned, we are definitely home educating!

[AbbeyA]

I don't think that you are an imposter!
I think that asking how to HE is like asking how long is a piece of string! There isn't one size to fit all. I don't think that you would get any 2 HE families doing it the same. No 2 schools are the same, they may be teaching the same curriculum but they are very, very different.

[onwardandupward]

"Anyone who home educates implicitly challenges those of us who dont and makes us wonder if we have done the right thing."

that nails it, I think.

[AbbeyA]

The rest of your quote was:
'I suspect that the converse is also true for those who home ed! '

[onwardandupward]

No, I intentionally didn't quote that bit.

I truly don't think that most HEing parents see the decision of most other families to send their children to school as an implicit challenge to their decision to HE.

Correct me if I'm wrong, other HEers here - maybe your experiences are different from mine.

I think it is to do with the HEers being the ones bucking the trend - there is so much societal expectation that our children will go to school at 4.5 like everyone elses, and that they'll stay in school even if they don't really like it, that by the time we've got as far as thinking "no! this is wrong for our children!" we are hardly in a mental or emotional space to feel that other people continuing to send their children to school bears any relation to how our own children are best educated.

It's a bit like nursing a toddler in public. The nursing mother is not even remotely doing it as a criticism of the non-nursing mother next to her, whatever baggage the non-nursing mother may be carrying. Nor is she anxiously wondering whether actually the non-nursing mother is doing the right thing and she isn't. Her toddler wants milk, and the only important people in making the decision about whether or not to honour that want/need are the mama and the child.

[onwardandupward]

[and this is perhaps illustrated by the fact that you'll rarely if ever see any of us over there in the primary school/ secondary school/ G&T conversations on Mumsnet.]

[AMumInScotland]

I'd agree there - because school is the norm, there is no "implicit challenge" to HE parents. Quite often there is an explicit challenge, when family, friends, and even total strangers criticise the decision, but HE parents already know about schools and have made a definite decision not to send their child, or to pull their child out, so we don't face the same surprise/doubts when we hear about people doing something unusual which school parents often feel when they hear about HE.

But unlike many (being an unusual HEr) I do feel free to pop into the other education topics - sometimes I mention HE, but I also give the world the benefit of all my years of experience with schools

[julienoshoes]

onwardandupward I agree 100%!