M I L "your playing god with his life"

[BeNimble]

...because we're choosing HE rather than school.

any comments?

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

Ignore it. The world's bigger than just one opinion being right.

[NoBiggy]

Beyond the obvious one that it should be "you're"?

I understand what she means (I think), it's why I wouldn't consider it. If it goes wrong and the child ends up maladjusted and unemployable it's all your fault. Scary.

If you've got the nerve, skill and confidence, then, fantastic.

But I can understand people being worried.

[edam]

Well, she's clearly not impressed! Thing is, as the parents, you do get to make big, important decisions on behalf of your child. Like how to educate him or her.

[gagarin]

Your MIL is prob just upset and worried and it's come out as aggressive.

Sit her down and ask what her anxieties are - or to make it less confrontational you could ask her to write them down. Then you can answer them and explain in detail.
Most likely are the usual - social isolation; learning to work as a team with other children of the same age. Or that progress will be slow.

As a grandma she'll have your DCs best interests at heart and is prob worried you are making this decision for yourselves rather than your DC.

But don't get into a row - ask your DH to do the discussing if things get personal.

His mother - his problem!

[gagarin]

NoBiggy......good spot there!

BeNImble - prob best to hire outside advice from MNers for grammar lessons

[edam]

Or that he won't get the qualifications he needs to follow the career that he eventually wants, or to go to university etc. etc. etc. This must come up all the time for home edders, there must be loads of ideas on the boards about handling family opposition.

[cornsilk]

Explain what your reasons are for HE to her. (What are they?)

[theAfkaUrbanDryad]

Sorry - nut pmsl at your MIL. You're playing god with his life"

What, like giving him life in the first place??!

[BeNimble]

your/you're bug me when i read other folks stuff... just didn't register tonight! derr.

"I understand what she means (I think), it's why I wouldn't consider it. If it goes wrong and the child ends up maladjusted and unemployable it's all your fault. Scary."

but if you put them through school the fault isn't yours?

either way (home ed or school) i reckon i'll have done a bad job if i end up with a kid who holds me totally accountable for who he turns out to be.

exactly theAfka... somewhat OTT i thought.

[NoBiggy]

Well, plenty of other people have a hand in it.

I see what you mean, but, see, in my business we have a three stage design process. 3 people do basically the same thing. The idea is, everyone makes mistakes, but you hope that not everyone makes the same mistake.

So if I was in sole control of my child's education I'd worry that I'd make a mistake somewhere, and there'd be no one to check, no balancing viewpoint.

That would be my concern (for my child, or I imagine my grandchildren eventually). If that's what she means by "playing God", having all the control.

I do find the whole HE idea fascinating, and I really can see merit in it. For me it would be such a massive leap of faith. I couldn't do it. I'm sure I couldn't.

[SmugColditz]

The3b answer is

"Yes. I am his mother. Amd that means it's my right."

[Christiania]

My God there are some unsupportive views on this thread

Benimble, I can't believe what some people are saying, how insulting, and to pick you up on a very simple grammatical typo past midnight is a bit petty imo. You lot should be ashamed of yourselves!

I think I would feel awful if someone said this to me - mind you I've had a fair few unsupportive vibes myself about the same thing, which I a still considering rather than doing just yet.

It makes me very angry and there are many arguments for unschooling society, so I think you are very brave and wise to take a decision such as this - particularly with all the prejudice out there, as so ably demonstrated by some MNers tonight

I would say build a thick wall inside your head to her hurtful comments, and try not to be swayed - it can seem like a daunting decision, but that doesn't make it the wrong one and who here can cast aspersions on your level of ability to teach - the teachers I've encountered are not infallible in terms of apostrophes by any means.

In other words, privately tell her to sod off, because it is none of her business and might well turn out to be the best decision you ever made

[julienoshoes]

I know many home educators get hold of the book called "Free Range Education" Edited by Terri Dowty, where 20 different families talk about home education and how it has worked for them. There are all types of home educators represented there-the very informal/autonomous home educators and the more structured ones too.
My mother tells me it helped her to understand.

The problem is, that most people have this stereotypical image in mind when they think about home ed-I know because I had it too before I deregistered our children in desperation!
They believe that the children sit all day long at a desk/kitchen table, being taught lessons by mom and cut off from society.
Most would be absolutely astonished to find what a great supportive community of home educators there are out there.
Someone somewhere mentioned that finding the home ed community, is like Alice going through the 'Looking Glass' and finding a whole new world through there!


I took my mom along to a home ed meeting a couple of times and she began to see for herself the mass of children of all ages playing with no gender/age separation situation. She got to talk to other home educating parents too.
She also got to meet more and more HE youngsters at our house and found them to be confident, well educated and lovely to be with.

Some families choose to say that they will HE up to the age of say 7 and then review-meaning Granny gets a time to see their education develop and is more confident when you say, "we have reviewed it and we are going to continue". This was never an option for us as we rescued our children later from school and they were adamant that they were never going back!

But to be honest, it is only time and experience that will change this-when she will begin to see the results for herself and her grandchildren become self confident, well educated people.
Until then, you may just have to say that you are sorry that she feels that way-and then move on.

[gagarin]

Christiana - it was an attempt at humour (in the same vein as pedant's corner) I thought not insulting! Sorry if it upset anyone esp OP .

I think it is a much better idea to get MIL onside through decent debate and discussion rather than to tell her to "sod off".

There are loads of reasons why HE is the right choice for a child - but equally loads of reasons why it is not right for EVERY child.

As much as grandparents can be interfering busybodies they can also be a great support to their children and grandchildren. I do not think it is unreasonable to have a good atempt to get the extended family behind you when you make a choice for HE.

They may be the physics teachers of the future for your home educated child!

[AbbeyA]

I wouldn't actually do it to my DC because it is such a major decision, which is fine if they agree with you when they are older. I can see some point in delaying and not sending at 5 yrs, but by 7 yrs they should have some choice over the matter which at least means taking them to visit a school on a normal working day if you are not prepared to let them try it out. If they express a desire to go at any point I think that you should be supportive, whatever your own views. You have to be very sure of yourself to take the step to HE, I am not so sure that I am always right and I like other people to have imput and my DCs to come across a range of views, methods, opinions and characters.
My mother was Home Educated for part of her childhood and regrets it to this day, she can't blame her parents because it was through family circumstance not choice. I have a great relationship with my mother but if she had kept me away from school and stuck me at home with my brothers I think it would have badly affected my adult relationship because I would want to know her justification and I would be angry.
I don't learn on my own, I need a roomful of people doing the same subject. I need to be taught and I don't want someone felicitating my learning. If I want to learn physics then I would want someone with a science degree who really knew their subject. If you have a different learning style and are self motivated then it may suit you well.
I suppose that I am saying that if you decide to HE you should be sure that you are not set in your ways (doing it purely because you want to)but are child led and are open minded enough to change your mind at any time, or HE one dc and have another at school depending on personality, or have periods in school or out.

[AbbeyA]

I think that in your case BeNimble, you are going to have problems with your MIL because she loved school and has made a career out of it. She was a reception teacher so she is bound to be disappointed that you are going to by pass that stage when she thinks that it is the best start for a DC. If my DCs were to decide to HE if they have children I would try and be supportive but I would be deeply upset (trying not to show it) because I loved the reception class and the infants when I was 5 and I would hate them to miss the experience.

[Christiania]

Sorry gagarin, I understand your posts were fair and helpful, I guess I was shocked at NoBiggy mainly and generalised rather. The 'sod off' bit was meant to say 'inwardly' rather than 'privately' but I tried to alter it and my mouse stopped working, and by the time I'd plugged it into a different USB had forgotten my edit.

Anyway yes I wouldn't advocate openly saying sod off.

Gagarin is right, listen to her - I am in a sleep fuddled haze today.

[NoBiggy]

You must admit, it is ironic that you propose to home educate, but then make a glaring mistake in the thread title. Just a bit of a tease.

And if you're seeing unsupportive views on this thread you've read a different thread than I have.

[NoBiggy]

ANd when I say "you" there, I didn't mean you, Christiania, I meant generally, as in "if one is writing a thread about home educating, and make a mistake like that, one is open for some ribbing".

[pooka]

Don't we all play god in our children's lives to a certain extent? Insofar as when they are young, we make decisions about how their life will be, whether that's HE, school, clothes, books to buy, what they do in during the day, when they go to bed, when they get up.... ad infinitum.

[Tortington]

you are god to your children - rather you be god than the town hall

[AbbeyA]

However it is not just the Town Hall. The education system brings you into contact with all sorts of people. Many a famous person was inspired by an inspirational teacher. If you keep them at home then you alone are accountable. You can take the glory if it turns out beautifully and DC thinks the experience was wonderful but if adult DC turns out not to agree or it all goes pear shaped then it is all down to you.

[NoBiggy]

I'm sure I'm not god to mine, if I were, they wouldn't be so bloody disrepectful!

(Must practise my smiting...)

[FrannyandZooey]

But HE isn't about you at home alone with your child AbbeyA. HE children usually get to spend time with a wide range of adults / mentors - at primary school age, having contact with many more adult role models than school educated children, with only one teacher, do.

[Fillyjonk]

oh yawn I don't think the OP was asking "should I home educate"?

She was asking about how to deal with family

I think most of us have gotten the idea that not everyone would home educate. that is fine. not all of us would send kids to school either.

I second the "we are doing it to 7 then reviewing" approach.

Also, ultimately, the only thing that will sort this out is time. that said, i think it reasonable to sit down with her and discuss how to are going to manage the fact that you have made a decision they really don't agree with. She should not be sniping at you about it, that is not productive and isn't going to change your minds (I suspect)