Hello. 1st post on HE..

[catnipkitty]

Hi

My gut instinct is to HE - I agree with all the theories and reasons why it is a good thing to do and love spending time with my girls and hate the thought of them spending so much time in school and away from me (my eldest daughter is due to start reception next sept) I have read a few books on the subject too...but there are a few 'problems'. My husband isn't at all convinced HE is the way to go plus we would really struggle financially if I didn't go back to work. I'm also concerned about my own sanity and lack of adult interaction...

Any words of wisdom gratefully received.

C xx

[terramum]

NAK so will have to be brief!

What are your DHs specific concerns about HE? I'm sure we can help find some arguments to counter his?

Re the financial issue? How are you managing atm? A lot of SAHPs & HEers do make sacrifices to be able to live on the one income, but there are ways of minimising your outgoings like downsizing or moving to a cheaper area for housing. Going green/eco saves a lot as well depending on how far you take it.

I wouldn't have thought social interaction would be an issue for you tbh any more than it would be for your children - HE children have parents you know

[CharlieAndLolasMummy]

Income can be an issue, no way around that. There are lots of ways to cut spending for many people though, and plenty of threads on them-I'd have a real think here.

I see HEing as a lifestyle choice for me. I don't expect to HE AND have actual holidys or new clothes or whatever. I personally think that its well worth it, if I had stayed in work, odds are I'd be a higher rate taxpayer by now and we'd be doing all sorts, but for me the cost would have been too great.

Social interaction is not a problem IME. When the kids are little in particular, HE groups tend to work like parent and toddler groups for slightly older kids.

My kids ARE little but I'd have thought that when they get older, you'd have the time to actually get out and do classes and so forth in the evenings/weekends.

I also believe very storngly that you MUST take good care of yourself, give yourself proper time off, etc etc. HEing is bascially a job, but a 24/7 one.

[catnipkitty]

Great, thanks for your replies. I can understand the point about HE being a lifestyle choice - we bought out house with a mortgage based on 2 full time and equal salaries in greater london and have been coping (=savings being used up) on one salary for 4yrs since our 1st child was born. if I didn't go back to work we couldn't afford to pay this mortgage (we live pretty frugally now and spend very little, hardly drive car, never buy new clothes, toys etc) so would have to move out of london, away from family and friends. My husband would find it difficult to get a job away from london...blah blah blah. cannot really see how we could manage to HE. Hubby is definately not convinced enough about HE to make such huge changes and not sure I am either.

Anyway,thanks for reading.

C x

[ineedapoo]

I am considering HE DD in reception DS due to start next year. I would love to work at their pace and see them learn and enjoy it good luck

[terramum]

Would you consider moving to somewhere you DH could commute into London from? That way he wouldn't need to find another job. Depends where he works I guess but very doable if you move somewhere that has good rail links. Also means you could theoretically pick somewhere that had a good sized HE community & would be able to make new friends easily.

The other alternative if you don't want to move & you both need to be earning is one of you working from home, or one of you getting a part-time job & the other a full time one & juggling the childcare or use childminders maybe? Much easier to fit work round HE than school IMO, simply because it doesn't have to happen between 9am & 4pm

[CharlieAndLolasMummy]

oh god yes I hear you there. That is bascially exactly the situation we were in when ds was born. We'd cleverly just moved and mortgaged ourself to the hilt just before he was born .

There are ways round this. Eg you could flexi school (have your daughter in part time). You could work evenings etc. Terramum makes some good suggestions.

Most HErs are skint, tbh. Most of us are living on one income in a two-income society, but plus also-HEing does, for my family at least, have certain expenses that I don't think are so vital when you have with kids in school. Am thinking the endless arts and crafts stuff, books, games, educational trips, etc. YES I expect you have these when you have kids in school, and YES they can be bought pretty cheaply BUT-I think we just need more of them, really. Theres little things like providing more meals (assuming you'd get free school meals at school), more heating, etc. When you are near the bone these things can add up.

OTOH it does mean that there is a money saving mentality in the HEing community. There are normally lots of resource sharing opportunities, if you fancy the the big get togethers, they tend to involve camping or youth hostelling, etc etc.

So I'd be willing to bet that it CAN be done for you! BUT BUT BUT I think the real problem here is that your dp isn't really on board. And am not sure what to say here really, why do you think its a good idea and he doesn't? Would he consider just keeping your dd out for one more year and reassessing in september 09?