HE, Pre-school & Aspergers

[BarbaraManatee]

I've been considering HE since before my DC were born, having trained in nurseries & a primary school & been completely put off. I was already quite anti-schools based on my own experience but doubted it further when I saw it from an adult's perspective. The older my DS1 gets, the more I think it might be the right decision for him - he doesn't often engage with other children, will just stand & stare while things are going on & seems to live in his own little bubble. I suspect Aspergers for many reasons, not least because I've recently come to recognise it in myself.

He's 3 in October so we need to make a decision about pre-school ASAP. Part of me really doesn't want to send him because I've seen how some children respond to it, I've seen the quiet ones be over-looked & left to it while the adults deal with the more challenging behaviour & I've seen what the parents are told at the end of the day. I saw the same things happening in 4 different settings, most of which are held up as examples of 'good practice' in our area, so I know it's not just one bad experience. On the other hand, if I suspect Aspergers then maybe it's a good idea for him to go just one or 2 sessions a week so they can get to know him & assess him from a more objective POV. It would mean we wouldn't have to go through the GP or HV who both know my concerns & have been spectacularly unhelpful so far & insist that there's "not much they can do at this age anyway".

I don't know what to do. Send him & see how it goes? Don't send him on principle? I'm scared that if I do send him then certain people my parents will think I can be persuaded to send him to school as well & I'll end up wandering in to that because it'll be the easy option. I'm just as scared that I'm only planning to HE because of my issues & I'm projecting on to him & I'm going to end up ruining his life because my teenage years were miserable! At the moment all our friends & family are being fairly supportive but I get the feeling it might be just a smile-and-nod approach in the hope that we'll either change our minds or they'll tackle it when it comes to applying for schools. The local schools are ridiculously over-subscribed & the only one we'd be likely to get in to has a bad reputation & a friend moved their daughter within weeks of starting there because she was so miserable!

Umm... Any advice?!

[VikingLady]

Can you push to be referred to a paediatrician for assessment/dx? You say you have recognised it in yourself - have you got a dx?

Frm people I know (including me) who have got a referral, it goes better with GPs and HVs if you have some objective proof of your suspicions. Maybe print out a list of ASD traits in toddlers and use that, with ticks next to all traits your DS displays? There is an online test too which has a score and description you can print out and show to a GP. If all else fails, can you see a different GP?

But HE-wise, you don't have to HE him forever. He can enter school at any point. Would pointing that out to people busybodies help? You could always lile to them and say you were just goiing to try it for the first year! (That's what I plan with DD)

Good luck!