Starting homeschool for 12 year old

[PermaShattered]

A simple, to the point question: how hard would it be for both me and for DD to take her out of school and homeschool her?

[bobbysgirlfirst]

Not hard IMO.
you send in a dereg letter (as long as you live in England or Wales and your child goes to a mainstream school) and your child doesn't go back.
You find HE groups local to you, take time for you both to deschool and find the way HE best works for you two.

We autonomously HE our three all the way from dereg aged 13, 11 and 8, all the way through their teenage years until they chose to go to college and then onto university level.

sending unhappy children to school is very much harder than HE IME

[wib69]

In my opinion not hard. We have just done it with our 11 year old after missing nearly all of yr7, so felt had no choice as she wasn't being educated anyway. Told me last week shes learning more at home than school. :) Education is compulsory, not school. There are many home ed sites on the net and probably some he groups on facebook that you can link into and meet up with. We are just at the start of our journey into he fortunately my dd seems to take direction from me fine, so atm we do semi structured routine, ie; 2 hours formal in morning, then interest based in afternoon. The first week we tried to follow the school day, but was exhausted, so have modified as needed. I'm also learning with her, which cant be bad. There is a yahoo group that deals with exams etc if your worried at all, but not all he children take all exams.
Hope this helps.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Hello OP

It is as simple as bobby suggests. Just send a letter into school, hand delivered or recorded post and then you can leave when you like.
We gave 2 weeks notice and left at the end of the school year, but you can do whatr suits you.
Most people find their own way of supporting learning, personally, we take a semi structured approach.
A couple of hours per day seems to be sufficient for many and you don't need to follow the NC if you choose not to.
There are H.ed groups about but some people including ourselves don't attend as usually busy elsewhere.
My dd kept in touch with a few friends from school and plays with them regularly.
If you want to ask anything at all there are lots of experienced H.ed parents who can help.
Has your dd had a bad time at school?

[Martorana]

Easy - if the child wants to too. . But I would try, if possible, to resolve any issues with the school first both for closure and for not burning bridges ......

[Wolfiefan]

Yes. See other Thread by OP. If your child is getting into huge trouble at school then I think you need to work with the school and resolve the problem.

[PermaShattered]

thanks all. Martorana and Wolfie, we're trying to do this but DD seems to not take any of it on board. So difficult. Just keep thinking, where are we going wrong?

[morethanpotatoprints]

I don't think you are going wrong tbh OP
Some children don't suit school, some schools aren't good. As H.ed is a legitimate form of education I never understand all the comments about working through problems with teachers and HT.

It's as though some people seem to think H.ed is only a viable option if school doesn't fit. Whereas, in reality some people choose this direction irrespective of any school.

It makes sense if they aren't happy at school to H.ed, it really is as simple as that and requires no resolving problems with the school.

[Martorana]

However, HE is not the automatic solution to any problems at school either.

[morethanpotatoprints]

H.ed children don't have problems with school.

[Martorana]

Absolutely.

But the solution to a problem with school is not necessarily to HE. Particularly when you aren't sure what the problem is.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I have just seen the other thread and it seems that all is happening to relieve the problems is sanctions. Imo punishment is not the way to deal with a clearly distressed child.
Leaving school and taking away the pressure will allow her to become herself eventually and find her own interests.
It may be a while before she herself fully understands her problem or issues, at the moment she seems to be fighting the system. Take the system away and she will no doubt sort herself out with help from her loved ones.
All school are able to offer is punishment.

[PermaShattered]

but they praise as well. End of term trip for those who earned the privilege, for instance. And a few weeks ago the head of year told DD that if she could get through the whole week without any trouble she would take her completely off report. So it's not just sanctions.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Perma.

That is awful, its either a school trip or not and of course its a sanction.
I went through similar with my ds2 he has aspergers but didn't find out until just before leaving school.
I'm not suggesting your dd has this, but she clearly has problems that need working through, not punishing all the time.
I feel sorry for her even though to some it may seem like she just has bad behaviour.

[Martorana]

Hang on- are you saying there shouldn't be rewards for good behaviour?


OP- what does your daughter say about school- does she like it/hate it? Are there subjects or teachers she likes?

[maggi]

My ds was getting himself into huge amounts of trouble at school and nothing we did made any difference. There were meetings, there was police, there were thefts, bullying, fighting, anger, violence to us; it was a crisis. He had 2 issues which were not going to be solved by being at school. (skip next para if not relevant to you)

Dyslexia - he could only write 3 lines in an hour. Yet he had the knowledge so was in top streams where he was expected to be able to write reams. Other children noticed and mocked him. Teachers didn't understand and punished him.
Flat footed - he couldn't run very far or fast. He also seemed to randomly fall over as his overworked ankles gave out. Obviously another great source for children to mock him.

The day we took him out of school, he was a changed child! For us, HE really was the miracle cure. Now we only receive compliments about his behaviour. Staff from ds2's primary school have urged us to think about HE for ds2 instead of secondary school because they can see what an exemplary young man ds has become. (This was whispered to us out of the HT's hearing)

[Saracen]

It's inarguable that home education is a simple, immediate and 100% effective solution to school-based problems. In some cases the results are stunning.

Of course home ed isn't a miracle cure for all children. Some kids have underlying problems which will be expressed elsewhere if not at school - though even for them, the removal of a major stressor from their lives can help significantly. But given that it IS a miracle cure for some children and that it's so straightforward to try out, I don't know why it shouldn't be the first resort rather than the last resort.

Are there practical obstacles that would discourage you from trying it out, OP? Would you have to leave your job, or might your dd lose her place at an oversubscribed school which is your first choice? If not, why not just let her have a break from school for the rest of the year and see how she gets on? It really may be as easy as that.

[PermaShattered]

Thanks all, for comments. I've just posted a long missive on the other thread (I'll get the link) I don't think home ed would solve the underlying problems and that's something we've got to get to the bottom of.

Practical obstacles: we have four children and i run my own business. So it would be v difficult. But my children come first. I'd rather have no work and little money than have a child suffering in the wrong circumstances.

[PermaShattered]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/2078527-At-the-end-of-my-tether-no-sanction-harsh-enough-for-yr-7-DD

[Saracen]

Yes, that does sound difficult. The home ed might help your dd though, especially she dd wants to do it. Apart from anything else, it would send her the huge message that you would move heaven and earth to try to make her happy.

Depending how you want to do it, the education side of things does not have to take very much time at all. It's more a question of childcare, of being available to keep an eye on her, especially if her recent behaviour means you wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised much. Siblings are not always the obstacle to home education which people anticipate, though I do realise that it all adds up to you being a busy person! Is your business one which could be scaled back for a while to enable you to try HE, or is that not practical?

[maggi]

I've read other thread and you say that problems were only in yr7.

Have you thought about these:
*eye test - fuzzy vision at primary can be compensated for by the child but at secondary the workload is so much greater, eye problems can cause headaches = grumpiness, or behaviour to avoid reading/writing
*hearing test, as above, could be covered up at primary.
*energy drinks - (my ds used his bus fares to buy these every day) the high caffeine causes all sorts of aggression and unreasonableness and SLEEP problems.

[NettleTea]

Skimmed a little of the other thread. Have CAHMS become involved - is it worth going private for a diagnosis?
Just the sleep/melatonin thing rung a bell or two for me
Also my DD is in yr 8 - textbook child at primary, all fell apart at secondary - being investigated for various under CAMHS but nothing definative yet. Has become very confrontational with authority and refused since October. PDA has been suggested, and she ticks alot of the boxes.