Take him out of school or wait and see?

[ringaringarosy]

Sorry title is rubbish.

I have 4 kids and another on the way,eldest is 5 and in yr one.

We always planned to HE,but for some reason when ds1 got to that age where he would be starting school i decided to give it a try,i think because i was pg with number 4 and probably a bit tired and wondering how i was going to do it,as soon as dc4 was born i felt so much more normal and kind if wished id just seen it through.

Anyway,ds1 liked reception,it took him a while but i would say by april this year,the last term,he was at the point where he was looking forward to going,before then it was always a bit difficult and i had to coax him to go.Ds2 is now in reception and seems to like it too,

However,ds1 is not impressed with y1 at all,everyone has said its supposed to be a gradual thing changing to ks1 but he has really noticed it and just seems generally unhappy.

There are tears every morning,he seems angry all the time and is being quite rude and aggressive.Other school mums say its his age but i dont think it is.He has a best friend who he adores and i think that is the only thing keeping him going at the moment.

He doesnt seem to enjoy anything,he went to football club and enjoyed it,the last two times hes cried when i got him ans said please dont make me go again i hate it,hes like that about everything at the moment,doesnt seem to enjoy anything.

Im not sure what to do,dh is very pro HE and actually quite anti school so i know what he would say,but i dont want to take him out and regret it,or take him out then have him cry because he misses his friend.Also ds2 seems happy there,im not sure what he would want to do.

I hate the way school dictates our life,when we can and cant go on holiday,what they can and cant eat for lunch,wether they have a late night or not,i miss our old life but im worried i have rose tinted specs on.

Obviously with so many under a certain age its hard to do one on one stuff,and i have to admit to liking the break i get,i get to sleep in the day with the baby!Not sure what to do....

[ommmward]

Think really carefully about what sort of HE you'd do - autonomous/structured/semi-structued. Think carefully about how it would interact with your commitments to the younger children.

Make sure OH is on side.

Then present it to him as an option, with your idea of how it would be. Maybe get him to list all the things he likes about school and all the things he thinks he'd like about not going to school. Things he'd miss out on if he didn't go to school; things he misses out on because he does go to school. Obviously you scribe for him - he doesn't have to write it all down (Sheesh!).

Revisit your idea of how the HE would look based on his ideas of what HE would/should be like.

Then look at it with him and with his father. Listen to him. Make it clear that, if he comes out, then he won't get to chop and change - agree a timescale (like, he could go in again after Christmas if he likes, or go in again next Autumn).

I give your next child down a month, tops, before they ask to come out too :)

[ringaringarosy]

thats great advice thanks,just did the list,he said things he likes are going on the computer and seeing his best friend.he said things he hates are church,prayers,assembly,sitting on the carpet,kieron(big boy who is quite rough with him)football and the fact it takes so long(the school day).

he said if he were t home he would play with his baby brother,go on the computer,read,play in the garden and fix stuff :-)

[ommmward]

And what would he miss from school?

what does he miss from school when he's at home?

You might just have to arrange lots of weekend/holiday playdates with this best friend...

[ringaringarosy]

He said he would miss his friend,that was it really,he wondered off and did me a lovely picture of a dinosaur skeleton!

He only lives 5 minutes walk away so staying in touch would be easy as long as his mum was up for it,i know things can get difficult.Plus he is going to find another best friend at school when my sons not there isnt he?

Ive been talking to my mum about it,she doesnt really see my children much,maybe once or twice a year,she thinks its an awful idea but i knew that from before,she thinks its not normal for kids not to like school and that there must be something wrong with him.....it cant just be me that thinks most kids dnt really like school?all of ds1s friends say they dont like it,the way i see it is that some kids really just arent suited to that system.

[ommmward]

The important thing with your DS's friend's Mum will be to practise talking about your decision not as "we think school is awful and most children hate it" but "Oh, I think school is wonderful and an excellent fit for lots of children, but Jimmy was just hating it, so we've decided to take him out and see how he gets on learning at home for the rest of the year. Would you like a biscuit?"

[ommmward]

Your mum, lady, is not the person having to force/jolly/cajole a weeping child every day of the week. Might be worth reminding her of that.

And find out about the HE socialising in your area. Ours is mostly done via facebook now, and there are organised things going on every day,and also just people saying "I'm going to park X tomorrow, anyone want to join us?" That's a good way of heading your mother off at the pass.

[ringaringarosy]

Thats a good idea about finding something out of school they could go to.She did offer to take them to swimming lessons when there are some available,and there is a football club on a saturday he goes to in the summer at weekends he could go to too,we talked about football after school and he said he didnt like it because he had been at school all day and just wanted to go home,he did like the football he was just tired!