I lock my dc in a broom cupboard and scrub her down with brillo pads.

(14 Posts)
IslaValargeone Fri 15-Apr-11 16:51:51

Well actually I don't, but I think one of my neighbours is imagining I do.
I'm newish to HE and only started it when we moved house 6 months ago. One of the neighbours obviously has 'issues' with it, although she has just about managed to keep a lid on her disapproval. Today however she spotted dc playing in the garden, and stopped to talk, asking half a dozen times apparantly, if dc was ok... and was everything alright? Dc thought it most odd. I may just be being paranoid, but I'm quite p***d off to be honest.

DrSeuss Fri 15-Apr-11 17:45:48

And it's any of their business because...?

Either just ignore her, or, if she has something specific to offer, such as a language or craft skill, ask if she'd fancy making a contribution?

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Fri 15-Apr-11 17:49:59

DS's beaver scout leader seems to have much the same idea of HE. I recently picked DS up from camp, to be greeted with 'he INTERACTED with everybody. He JOINED IN'. Er well yes. I don't keep him in a box, you know.
Problem is, I think, that many people think that if you HE you're either a) massively overprotective or b) have something to hide.

musicposy Fri 15-Apr-11 23:17:34

Only brillo pads? You need to get tougher! wink

Our next door neighbours did this for a while. We take the dogs for a long walk over the fields every day where half our estate go with their dogs. We've been asked if we're out because the children are doing science or nature studies (er, no, we're walking the dogs grin ). I think loads of them think a) I'm bonkers and b) the kids are feral.

Who cares? We're having fun whilst everyone else is in school. grin

I think you will get thicker skinned in time as you gradually get used to it. I was very self conscious the first year but am incredibly blase 4 years on.

Saracen Sat 16-Apr-11 07:56:41

Does the neighbour definitely know you are home educating - it isn't possible she's worried that your child is ill or having major ongoing school problems such as bullying?

You could take the bull by the horns and go round to ask her why she's worried about your child. You could pretend that you think there might be some legitimate reason she could be worried, something she knows and you don't, break-ins in the neighbourhood or a nasty strain of flu going round or something: "Dc says you seemed very worried about us. Is there something happening in the area we should know about?" One way or another, you and she might end up having a good chat which would sort things out.

IslaValargeone Sat 16-Apr-11 08:50:41

She definitely knows we are home educating, it came about in conversation and she was unable to stop her jaw hitting the floor
Yes, I think you are right about the perception of home edders being perceived as either over protective or hiding something, the other neighbours have been quite cool about it if not a bit shock after they have met her with comments like "ooh she's very bright, isn't she well spoken...she's a great influence on my kids" etc etc.
I'm obviously going through the self concious phase of a newbie, thanks for indulging me.

IslaValargeone Sat 16-Apr-11 08:52:39

Bit too many perceived and perceptions in the above, I really must follow my own mantra of checking my work before submission.

TickTock123 Mon 16-Jun-14 03:04:22

Yes I can relate to this too, as at the park.,people are all very friendly and happy to be getting the children to play along nicely, then the dreaded question arrives, I say home edd that does it, break free in my face from where we were chatting,and remove themselves, five benches away from where We were, once even called their child to come away from mine,
I was so upset,
I had on occasion that the father said that ok as long as you know what to teach them?
Leaving as he said it not even giving me time to collect my child and run after them to say well intact, up until now this is exactly what I was doing, but being paid for it in my job
I still get cross, and family don't approve
It is a very ignorant subject, even before I did it, I knew vey little about it, it does need to be Borden widen thoroughly in our horizon

TickTock123 Mon 16-Jun-14 03:05:10

grin

Sigyn Mon 16-Jun-14 08:32:54

yk, this makes me cross.

We're home educating, in a nutshell, because we moved and there were no school places. Prior to that my kids were in school.

Having been a "normal" parent, I can see the difference with which we are now treated in the playground and that annoys me. HE is something that generally comes up, after the kids have been playing, and I've noticed that withdrawing thing too. Now it might be that my kids are weird and learning they are HE'd gives people a "oh of course" thing but - my kids have only been out of school about a year so if they are weird, well, its not all the fault of HE grin.

I do think, there's a lot of concern about HE and abuse (unfounded, from what I can see). I really do not think that's helped by non-HErs not wanting to engage with us or our kids. Abuse thrives best where people are marginalised and disaffected, IMO.

Now most of us are not marginalised or disaffected of course, but a lot of people seem to think we are, so rather than running scared and snatching their kids away lest they catch something, wouldn't it be better to engage?

Saracen Mon 16-Jun-14 09:13:26

Sigyn and TickTock, I'm really sorry you have had bad reactions from people. That must be really upsetting.

Maybe it depends where you live? I've never had anybody stop their kids playing with mine on learning they were HE.

I doubt it is because they fear your kids are weird. It's more likely they are worried their kids will ask, "Why do I have to go to school?" The simple answer which many parents fall back on is "Everybody has to go to school", and the existence of home education undermines that easy answer. Confident parents who are willing to give the matter some thought will be able to come up with a better, more honest answer such as "I think school suits you better than home ed" or "I can't afford to give up work so we need the free childcare". But many people just aren't ready to question what they are doing and explain it properly to their children.

maggi Mon 16-Jun-14 12:30:31

Just to put the other side of this discussion...
Our HE group has been camping this weekend. It was a quiet site and our large group of children was noticed. The other 2 sets of children camping nearby were quickly included into the group and the adults became chatty with us. But the comments we got were "how polite the children are", "how welcoming they are", "how fit they are", and my favourite, "You can really see the difference compared to school kids".

Hurrah to the differences in this world!

Sigyn Thu 19-Jun-14 15:28:33

"I doubt it is because they fear your kids are weird. It's more likely they are worried their kids will ask, "Why do I have to go to school?" The simple answer which many parents fall back on is "Everybody has to go to school", and the existence of home education undermines that easy answer. "

I dunno, not sure I agree. Most non-HErs seem secure in their decision. I don't think they are generally running scared of their kids asking awkward questions (isn't that basically what kids do?)

When I was a non-HEing parent, happy with the my kids' schools, I really wasn't threatened by HErs. Really not. It wasn't something that, at that time, I wanted to do and it wasn't something I understood really. But if my kids had asked me, "why do we have to go to school when x doesn't?", my reaction would have been twofold. First, is this a question born of curiosity? Are they simply asking why different families do different things? Second, is there something they are struggling with at school, are they unhappy in some way? Are there things about HE that they find interesting, or that we might want to try? Do we need to schedule less at weekends-do they want more downtime? Or more-are they seeing specific exciting things that they want to do? Do they want more time with us? Etc. Finally, ultimately, I am really comfortable explaining to my kids that different things do work for different families and that people are different. In other words, just as HErs do, I would have approached the question of their education creatively. I think most of my friends would ultimately have done the same.

My social butterfly girls really have struggled with the cliquey-ness they've encountered in HE groups (haven't seen much of this brilliant integration, I'm afraid!), but get on brilliantly in Scouts and Woodcraft Folk, so on top of this being seen as "weird" in the playground really does not help them (we're newcomers to the area-people tend to assume we've been HEing long term, not that its a temporary thing). They've already moved schools once, before HE, and have lived in different parts of the country, so they really are pretty used to joining in a new group, and I'm used to encouraging them to make new friends. I think the difference is pretty simple. Youth groups actively encourage groups to break up and welcome new kids, whereas in HE groups, its luck of the draw as to whether anyone will even let you play, the parents don't step in, and most kids here have known each other most of their lives. I'm totally willing to accept this isn't typical and that we've drawn a short straw, but its hard, and is the big reason we probably won't continue HE after our next move.

Howstricks Thu 19-Jun-14 15:35:08

If only neighbours would take a bit of notice in what was happening in front of them a few more children could be saved from quite horrific abuse. I agree, pop round to see her and maybe even make a friend...she could end up championing Home Ed! Be glad that she cares enough to be bothered.

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