For parents of small children the ONS report held no real surprises - it's basically a list of all your friends' baby names put in order of popularity. (Not actual popularity - that would be a list worth reading.)
But where do we want our name choices to appear on the list? What is the optimum positioning? Did you choose from the top, middle or bottom? I reckon, where you want to be in the chart says more about you as a parent than the actual name you choose.
Selecting a top 10 name says 'I want my child to be popular and easily understood.' But there's a major drawback - if your son or daughter shares a name with half the class, there's got to be some way of differentiating them. People start throwing adjectives around for clarification.
It's already bad enough being constantly referred to as 'Harry's Mum'. When there are two Harrys and you become 'Y'know, Angry-Harry-who-pooed-in-the-dressing-up-box's Mum', being in the Top 10 doesn't seem too appealing. So, if you're in the throes of baby-name picking, ask yourself this: is your teeny, tiny, perfect little baby likely to grow up and poo in a dressing up box? (the answer is yes, by the way.)
On the other hand, deliberately selecting a name that is not in the Top 100 says 'I want my child to stand out from the crowd.' Again there are drawbacks, not least that your child will spend many hours of their life spelling and clarifying their unusual moniker.
While Hereward and Tethys waste entire days explaining Saxon legend and Greek myth to 'Steve' in a call centre, Oliver and Amelia have used the extra time to master the flute. Who's outstanding now?
The third path is to aim for a name that charts, but not too near the top. A good, solid choice. Classic but not trying too hard. This basically says 'I want my child to be popular but not common.'
Personally, I'm a huge fan of aiming somewhere the middle. Mid-table is where all the old fashioned names fall. Mid-table is home to Violet and Esme taking tea in the drawing room with Freddie and Stanley.
But, a note of caution - and here I speak from personal experience. Choose one of these names and you will no longer be able to watch Who do you think you are? or Downton Abbey without a shit-load of tissues. Old fashioned names are brilliant, until you discover what happened to old fashioned people.
Fortunately, this new generation of Ivys and Arthurs will be spared our upset when they revive the lost names of our parents' generation. Their children's names - Pauline, Sheila, Brian and Kenneth - will conjurer up memories of TV sets with only three channels and Fray Bentos pies, rather stories of the war and the workhouse.
If this all sounds a bit stressful, there's one thing it helps to remember: no matter what name you choose, be it classic or kooky, at some point you will find yourself screeching it down the supermarket aisle after a 3-year-old doing a runner with a packet of Haribo. And it will sound awful, wherever it charted.
If you've an infant in the offing, and could use some more insider info, come to Bumpfest, Mumsnet's one-day event dedicated to all things birth and baby-related. No fuss or fluff - just the expert advice you need. And a lovely lunch, treats and try-outs - plus a goody bag packed with lovely stuff for you and your newborn.
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Guest post: Baby names - what do our choices say about us?
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MumsnetGuestPosts · 18/08/2014 12:57
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