Having mini melt down today , need some help

[slumped]

This may seem a right ramble , but I just need to get it out. I have my own business, and have a little childcare for my dd23mths. We dont have the finances to pay for any more time than 4 hrs a wk for her. I have a large job on at the moment, my 1st real big one and Im about 8 weeks into it and im feeling very drained as I have to get so much done with little time for rest and a break from it. I cram in so much in one week , and try and do a lot in the mornings whislt she plays or when shes asleep in the afternoon. I also do more at weekends. Dd also gets dragged all over for appoitnments.

Im not sure if its that my Af is due or that its all just piled up on me , but im just getting into an emotional state about getting everything done and well. Ive spent the morning crying my eyes out and my dd just comes and rubs my arm and says "mummy crying" and then she laughs cos I think she thinks Im laughing. Which makes me feel awful that shes seeing me get like this. I dont seem to have /make any time for friends and socialising , (nice mummy things like going to the park), or even some time to get my hair done or have a massage.

Im forever having to pour over spreadsheets(mainly cos I dont find it easy and have a lot of money to manage for the job) or on the phone chasing qoutes and final prices. Ive got tons of letters & cheques to send out(Ive even had a chasing money letter today which really set me off).I have no energy or time to do it, I have dd at home all day today. IM exausted but dont have the energy to work on any solutions. IM not sure why ive posted here , havent for some months now. Im not sure I even want solutions , just somewere I can may be talk to others feeling the same and can commiserate , give encouragement.

I know Im getting run down as my hairs going lank and I have this tense dark look about my face.

I spose Im also upset with myself for not coping,(I had a much more intense responsibilty in previous career b4 dd), but its such a great opportunity and I will be so proud when its all complete, but Im dreading all the next stages.

[fqueenzebra]

awwwww..... don't really have anything to say but I hope you don't feel ignored. Is it a bad phase you're going thru or completely persistent chronic constant problem? If your DD isn't upset to see you upset then I wouldn't worry about her seeing you upset sometimes. Kids need to see that adults suffer the range of emotions, too, and that we keep going regardless.

[TracyK]

whats your weather like? Get your dd out to the park and just get some fresh air. Its nice and breezy here today - so hopefully you'd get some too to blow the cobwebs away.
When is the next time dd is in childcare? book an appt for hairdressers for then. is dh/dp around to help? mum/sis etc? could take dd for a couple of hours?

[slumped]

Im hoping its just a phase really , but think its been building(or ive allowed it to build). Your right may be on monday when she goes to childminder I should just spend the time for myself and get my hair done!. But I always feel bad then spending money and doing stuff for myself, when Im spending money on her chidlcare.

[fqueenzebra]

i have the problem, feeling that we don't have enough money for me to pay for childcare while I get things done for me (or even for the family). But in my case, though, I can get SO much done (jobs) without any of my children along, that it's quite well-used time.

My plan when I stop working is to still send my kids to childminder 4-10 hrs/week. Some of that time I will use for 1-to-1 time with the other children (helping out in playschool & in school). I am even thinking of sending the baby to childminder an extra 2 hrs/every other week just so I can give my 3yo some 1-to-1 time. We don't have any family other support, so i am managing to shed the guilt for having a little "me" time every other week. I won't get it otherwise. Paying for childcare so you can have a little time to yourself just seems an inherent part of becoming a parent.

[TracyK]

Yes - it'll only be a one off one Monday - so don't feel bad about it - AF will have subsided by then?? and you'll feel better??
ps if you need anything done on excel that I could help with - I'm free most days 1-3pm

[slumped]

TraceyK thankyou for the offer of helping, my sister has kindly taken over my bookeeping and finances the last couple of days. Im hoping this may ease some of the strain , but she needs to time to re work all my confused charts!!

Despite this Im in a right state still and ive allowed it to happen. For some reason Ive allowed the client to completely take the pee out of me and expect far more than they are paying me for , despite them knowing that I am completely overwhelmed by it, (they knew me socially b4 taking on the job, so think I owe them a huge debt of graitude for taking me on!). This is a new venture for me so I was inexperinced to set out ground rules from the start and its now all ambigious what I do and dont do for them. Its so overwhelming some days , especially when I know I have umpteen things to sort and people to call and chase and no one/no money to take care of dd. Im not sleeping well or eating well, Ive lost weight and Im in total knots all the time. I just so want this to all work out. I have another 2-3 mths of the job . So its a double edged sword : on the one hand it will make any smaller contract seem EASY , Im learning invaluable lessons , but theres a price to pay and thats my sanity!!! Im overly conciencious about every step and find it hard to let go of things. I used to be very into holistic therapies and meditation , but i cant seem to calm or still my mind to relax fully.

[ThePrisoner]

Re. childcare - do NOT feel guilty about having "me" time if you are paying for childcare. It's important that we all have some "time out" from our children, and if paying for it is what we have to do, then do it.

Does your client know how hard you are working? If so, can you backtrack a bit and extend the contract so you are working less hours?

[slumped]

My problem is I plan do sit and watch a film or lay in bath , when dd goes , but then I get these compulsions to; make one more phone call, check my to do list, etc etc.

Im not contracted by hours , its more a fee for the work Im doing not the time. Its my fault as I never set up a contract at the begining as Im not sure how to for what it is that Im doing.When I did consultancy for businesses I would charge fro my time, but this is very different side to my business. Im waiting for some courses to start in a couple of months to train me on the gaps in my business knowledge of the trade/service Im offering. So Ive done the best with the knowledge I have.

[slumped]

I think the client has a very good idea of thw work Im putting in, which makes it all the more incredulous as to her expectation levels.

[ThePrisoner]

Is she the sort of person you could talk to about your workload, or is she likely to say words to the effect of "tough"?

[ErogenousJones]

Sonds to me as if you are not charging enough for your time and have allowed you client to gain the upper hand. If your client is putting extra demands on you, then make sure that they pay for it. You are not a charity and while you might be prepared to go the extra mile for a customer, make sure that they pay handsomely for that mile.

Value your expertise. But value the consultancy that exceeds your standard discipline very guardedly and very expensively

[slumped]

well thats the thing , I have told her I need to pass things back to her and that I cant do certain things and shes fully aware of the work load. She even comments on how she couldnt do it herself. Shes my client and social peer so to speak , so its a difficult combo.

[ErogenousJones]

Well, at least you are starting to regain control. Remind her that she has delegated specific tasks to you to fulfill but that without support from here organisation your performance of those tasks will be stifled.

[slumped]

ErogenousJones love the name BTW! Thankyou for your eloquent(sp?) support , Im not sure I totally understand the last comment though!


ahhh great dd has decided to wake up , just wot I need. Her nightly waking at this time doesnt help the cause either .

[ThePrisoner]

I guess I would say that if she is aware of the demands on you, then just do the best that you can without busting a gut. Try not to put yourself down (so much easier said than done, I know).

Hide all your paperwork so you can't see it, and then get one thing out at a time! I hide all my paperwork, and then just panic when I can't remember where it is (only a problem when the tax office reminds me that I haven't given them any money!)

And definitely make your paid childcare time special just for you - NO BUSINESS STUFF!!

[slumped]

ahhh sorry posts crossed erogenoues jones, I was reffering to 1st post.

off topic , but I see another thread relating to dd;s constant night waking at 10-11 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghh.

[ErogenousJones]

It was either that or BitterandTwisted!

[slumped]

ahhh so I need to throw it back to her and imply that if she increases my responsibiltys further then the good work Im doing on her behalf will be diluted.

I never thought of the childcare time to be time for me before !!! Its hard to justify it to dh if its not work time though. Hell just get jealous!

[slumped]

your right about hiding stuff theprisoner! knowing me though , id still go in my little office and find something to work on!

[ErogenousJones]

I work from home slumped and have forced myself to finish work at 17:30 having started at 8:15.

There is no advantage in continuing to work outside these hours as concentration wanes. Start each day afresh and make sure that you drink plenty of water particularly when using your grey matter to resolve any problem.

What do you do?

[slumped]

I dont really wanna say,(despite my love of the industry) , as also changed name to post too keep my whinging confidential from client!

[slumped]

Ok to say Im a bit of a mess is an understatement. I knew I was going into meltdown when I 1st started this thread 5 weeks ago and do you think Ive made things better. NO they have got worse and worse , accidently becoming the project manager has been so painful and its a role that is so involved and stressful that I wish I had said from the start Im not responsible for ( im not sure how its become this way, except due to my lack of experience I didnt set out that Its not an assumed part of my services, especially dealing with nasty contractors who are rude , unintelligent and only worried about their money and not the qaulity of their job.

My little one is still waking us up during the night for up to 2 hours several nights a week. Ive also been trying to go and have some social life. So may be Im trying to do too much , on little sleep.

I cancelled the one pamper day I had booked becasue of the expense , my mum and my dh thought that may be it was to much to spend and wouldnt mean all this goes away , dh said that If I cant garauntee feeling better then whats the point!!!!!!!!!!. he said Id still have to face it the next day. I feel totally unassertive and have got myself to far in deep with managing the project and to add to it I think the client who is using frienship as her crutch to call on me and lean on me for everything.

I have the possibiltiy of taking on a new and Commercial contract rather than a private one , but Im so low and teary and losing self belief and power that Its making me feel sick.I have a sort of intreview this week for it and Im whacked out,as dd was up at 2;40 - 4:30 last night, I also just cleared up from her party at home yesterday. I also dont know what to do about childminding , as withuought this next job I cant afford it , but I can only organise it If I get this next job, but do I want the next job, Im confused and feeling so low and warn out. The client needs my help tommorow and I have to drag dd with me as no one can care for her and shes getting hard work these days. I also have to fit in several other appts for the currant job this week , otherwise the timetable gets affected ooh and to add to that Ive pormised others some other private work Im just seriously overwhelmed and Its affecting so much of my life. Gawd it all looks really mad when I write it down .

[Enid]

this sounds impossible and it can't go on.

I think you need to sort out full time childcare for your dd otherwise you are never going to get all this done. You could sort it out for a few months until you can see the wood for the trees. You must budget your job salary to include childcare otherwise you arent going to bea ble to go on.

[slumped]

I would love to do that enid , but dh says we cant afford it right now , as currant contract doesnt cover it. I can only do it IF I get next one.

[slumped]

thank you for replying