Just interested to see people experiences around the areas am about to write about. I have to say my head is a little fried at the moment as I can't even seem to distill the problem down. So I thought I'd try and write about it to get a bit off my chest and see if it leads me to a clearer understanding and get some view points from others.
Spent 4 years trying to conceive (blogged about it extensively), went through a range of challenges, two early miscarriages and a sub chorionic haematoma in trimester 2 which resulted in the loss of our middle pregnancy. So three miscarriages and the fourth although we had amino complications worked and I had a beautiful baby boy. Even now am very emotional as I write as it really took a lot out of us, and in the work context am a very successful recruiter who found it very hard trying to hold down a Director level job going in and out if hospital.
So I vowed to take my year out and look after my son and I also thought I'd take a leap of faith and quit my job and pop my career on the shelf. As time went on whilst I enjoyed being at home and getting various lectures from friends and family about how I should stay at home and look after my child (who is a very easy going and active boy) I made some enquiries with recruiters dedicated to supporting working mothers back into the work place. They painted a really difficult picture in terms of cv gaps and I talked myself round to the idea of going back. Financially we would struggle on one wage so I felt it was right, but also mentally a good move for my sanity.
It's been just over three months now. I am finding being back a complete roller coaster. I have two bosses now which is a recent development. We are under staffed. I am under so much pressure and work with quite a few individuals who are not as competent. As a director am meant to be interfacing with clients but I seem to be being dragged around into administrative tasks and yet am obliged to bring in revenue. It's very emotional being back and I am exhausted from constantly being on the god travelling to London once a week, logging on at night as well as in the day and fire fighting. I'm not articulating myself very well but I am wondering why I am so emotional and I care so much about this job. Am damn good at sales and I'd rather use my skills to work as a commercial director for a charity doing something worth while but I don't have the head space to even apply or look at my cv.
Feel better for writing but I can't help but think am all over the place and maybe the pressure of work is too much. At 39 I'd like another child (or at least I think I do, I can't work out my own thoughts sometimes), but I don't know if I'll make it given how hard it was to get my son. I was diagnosed with reduced ovarian reserve so even if I did get pregnant I have a high chance of miscarriage, so is work a good distraction from my fertility woes or is it running me down. I don't know which way to turn and I feel very isolated.
I need some perspectives on this or to hear of other peoples experience and I genuinely am trying to be strong and not wallow.
I'm going insane!!!
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3 replies
HopeTulips · 19/08/2014 13:19
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