Career Meltdown After Kids

[sozzap]

Evening all just after some support/encouragement/advice/opportunity to vent really. Pre kids (eldest 4.5 and youngest 2.5) had high flying marketing job, youngest head of department in big FMCG company, 6 figure salary, fast track management scheme etc etc. After my first maternity leave I returned part time to a project role (minister without portfolio!) which resulted in me being made redundant after 6 months back (large pay off, was pregnant again so not the end of the world). After another 18 months off took a job at a local company in a similar field but was a complete disaster (for many reasons)!and resigned after 6 months. Had another 6 month break and am now working 3 days a week for a charity which on paper obviously sounds perfect but in reality is not giving me the challenge and stretch that I need from a job. The problem I am wrestling with is that all the roles I've had since I've had kids have been really sub optimal and much more junior than what I was doing pre kids. I've always been really committed to my career and excelled at it but having had 3 jobs post DD1 none of them have worked out and am starting to wonder if it's me not the jobs that are the problem. All the above sounds very practical and straightforward but in reality it's causing me real problems am constantly wrestling with the career and 'status' I once had vs. the sitting at my desk doing work I can do with my eyes closed. On the one hand I know am very lucky to have a 3 day a week job which isn't challenging and doesn't require long hours or much brain power but on the other hand I am constantly thinking about what might have been and wondering if I am on the scrap heap? Anyone else feeling the same or got any words of wisdom? Fed up with the constant battle in my head/sleepless nights and general feelings that my career has disappeared.

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

Have you thought about agency side?

Less flex in some ways as client focused but easier to be part time and agencies can really flex for the right person.

You get to immerse in interesting client challenges but in parts not the full job.

[TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle]

I have no advice but I'm in the same position. I went back full time after dc1 also to a project management role... It was so dull and soul destroying, especially as I was sat one desk over from the large, critical team I used to manage....

Anyway, I've dealt with it by getting pregnant again and have just started mat leave again. I've no idea what I'm going to do after this mat leave but I'm not going back to that job... I either need to commit to my career and start climbing the ladder again or bail on it and be a SAHM, it's too hard to sit at a desk every day and do nothing useful whilst someone else is raising my family.

Good luck with your decision, whatever that might be.

[frannie2013]

Hi, I don't think i can help apart from saying i think the same is about to happen to me. i'm 29w with DC1 and have a 'big' job. i'm planning on taking 9 months off (though OH says - don't plan!!!) so can't expect the same job back and the one that we are currently discussing - assuming that they will let me work from home 2 days a week and 2 long days in the office which they seem open to - is not bad at all it just feels like i'm going to get screwed over...
perhaps something to think about would be to keep the job you have - which does have its benefits - till the kiddies are a bit older and then network like mad and get a decent job? i know someone pretty well who did that recently and it has worked out well for her. her OH is a stay at home dad though which might make a difference.
also i think we can be our worst critics. though i do remember my younger self feeling quite frustrated when the mums in the office got very flexible working arrangements, could phone in whenever their kids were sick etc and leave us others to do the work. how i wish i could apologise now!!!
in my current job i never mention baby brain, being too tired, forgetful etc etc as then i think it confirms their suspicions that pregnant/new mums are not able to work... also my bump is a big enough reminder!!!
i do think there are a lot of women out there in the same situation as you though so just do your best, as that is all you can do. good luck x

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

I would say to really try hard to find something now though - you are 4.5 years away from the 'big' job - which in marketing means a fair bit of change (though not as much as people would like to say!). If you leave it much longer you will struggle to ever be judged on the bigger job and will only be considered for the ones you are over experienced for.

Are people where you are aware you are ambitious and want to move up the ladder? Any chance they think you are happy coasting for a while?

[matwork]

I feel similar frustrations... Would love up pushing my career forward but feel it's impossible without sacrificing family life which I don't want to do. Yet I don't want to take a local job as I've worked hard to get where I am and enjoy it (plus not sure I could cope with the local work mentality vs the London work mentality I'm used to). I do to want my career to stagnate but with a 1.5hr commute each way and only wanting 3 days pw I don't think I'm in a position to do anything but stagnate.

Wish DH was rich.

[matwork]

I do not want my career to stagnate...