Shall I go back to work? Help!

[puddinggal]

Hi. I gave up working when I had my ds. My dh works full time and we live on his wage.

I am not sure whether I should be going back to work to earn some money. I thought we were getting by - but when I was discussing money with my sil she was horrified on how much 'spare' cash we have.

It works out that after everything (which includes a loan, paying into shares (£50), credit card, insurances, driving lessons, nappies, all bills, mortgage, food) we have £100 spare cash left over.

This means that for home improvements (we are doing up our house) we have to save up and do things gradually - rather than when I was working - just going out and spending in big sums.

I thought that we were luck to not just break even - but to have a little bit over - but am I kidding myself?? Looing at how mortified sil was - surely we are not on the breadline? One of my friends is on benefits and barely breaks even.

I hope that this makes sense. Please advise on whether I should be out earning money, am I being selfish depriving my family of a second income? I thought I would spoil my ds with love - not money - is this just hippy thinking?!!

thanks

[puddinggal]

BTW - when I said £100 left over - that is a month.

[mothernature]

Do what you feel is best for you and your family not for other's, if you can survive on dh income and still have some left over then I think your doing fine, speak to your dh and see how he feels about it, when your children are in school and are no longer as dependent upon you, then think about going back to work, but only if you feel you need to..LOVE is greater than money, children remember being loved more than how much you have in the bank... (In my opinion anyway.)

[Helsbels]

agree with mothernature - only you can tell. I work p/t 3 days and ds goes to nursery - this works for us. He likes nursery and has lots of friends - I like work - I could not stay at home all the time - it would drive me mad - but that is right for ME. My mum stayed at home with us and we were happy, secure children with not much money but my ds knows I love him and we can afford to go on holiday, go out etc. Sit down and think about what you really want, for me it was not a difficult decision and I think that if it is that hard then you already know the answer {{{{}}}}

[jac34]

I don't think you are depriving your family at all, if you want to work fair enough, but don't be influenced my other peoples opinions. Also, remember if you did go back you would have to fork out for childcare, so how much would you be left with then, and would it really be worth it.
Dh and I both work P/T to look after our DS's, it's a situation were very happy with, we don't have very much spare cash, and like you,have to save up for things we do to the house, but that seems about right to me !!!

[Easy]

Puddinggal

Is it really any of your Sil's business how much cash you do or don't have at the end of each month?

If you are happiest at home with your children, then that's what is best. If you were on the bread line then it might be different.

But some mothers find they get very frustrated after a while at home, and need to work to feel more fulfilled. So then they like to work, and feel heir relationships with their family are better for it.

Don't let other people pressurise you into feeling you should be someone else. Do what makes your family (and you) happiest.

PS I wish we had £100 spare each month

[Sonnet]

To echo everybody else - do what is best for you and your family...Your children are young for a very short tme and if you can afford not to work and you are happy at home then my advice to you is to stay at home!!
Enjoy life and your children - it is you they want and need NOT expensive toys/lifestyle

[roisin]

Hiya puddingal! Loads of good advice here. Do what seems right for you and your family.

And congratulations on having £100 spare cash left over ... I was chatting to a friend recently - both full time professionals with low mortgage payments - and she was saying how they were struggling to get by, and also how much the children resent her working full-time. Loads of people will spend up to (or more than) their income, irrespective of what that income is.

If you're happy where you are - stick with it. I stayed home with the kids until they went to school full-time; we did have to make some sacrifices, but I don't regret it for a second.

People have all sorts of reasons for going back to work, and it is a very personal choice. Don't let your sil, or anyone else, impose their values on you.

[twiglett]

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[handlemecarefully]

I don't think its a lot left over, but frankly if you can manage on it (and you have been) its not any of your SIL's business, however well meaning she is. I don't think you should go back to work on this basis - only go back to work if either (a)you want to, or (b) can't afford not to.

But you seem to have been able to live on one income so why shouldn't this continue? How does your dh feel about it?

[Bozza]

£100 a month doesn't seem much to me to have as spending money, for clothes, holidays etc but thats just to me. If you're happy with it fine. And I think the previous sentence is the most important in this post.

Personally I work 3 days a week. Think we could just about get by if I didn't but that would mean no holidays, getting rid of second car, fewer other treats etc so would be quite a sacrifice. And this way it works for us. We empty the bank account every month. Thats the way we are. So in order to save anything we have to put it away at the beginning of the month. So we have an ISA for purchasing the next car which could be used as rainy day money and keep the car longer, a life assurance account and a savings account which you use to save for DH's golf membership and house improvements etc. You are obviously more self-disciplined than we are.

[zebra]

I think puddinggal is saying they have £100/month left over even after things like clothes -- she means that that's the long-term increase in their savings not allowing exceptional things like home-improvement (and probably holidays, too). It's £100/month more than we had all last year, but at least we have other savings; most people I know have virtually nil savings, far as I can tell.