Back to work and struggling!

[sozzap]

Hi everyone first ever post on Mumsnet despite spending many hours on hear reading and being well out of the baby stage. Am just after some words of support really and I know what I'm going through is very common but hoping you can send me some thoughts and experiences which will help me through the fog. Before I had kids my career was everything to me was very successful earning a 6 figure salary, managing a big team blah blah. After my first maternity leave just finished in early 2011 I went back to the same company in part time project role which inevitably ended up being made redundant. I took another 18 months off as was pregnant again and went back to work again about a year ago to another job in the same field which I ended up being a disaster for many reasons and I resigned after 6 months. I quickly decided a change of sector was the right idea and as always seems to happen sailed through the interview process and find myself yet again in an exciting job in a new company which I started a week ago. So what's the problem - despite being outwardly confident I am suffering with massive self doubt and missing my 2 girls to the point where it is consuming me and I am constantly in tears. I seem to have forgotten all the positives from my earlier successful career and the fact that I seem to interview well and am just left feeling that I can't function in an office environment anymore. I feel like I am totally torn between being the high flying career woman I once was and the SAHM I so enjoyed being. I miss my girls terribly and a huge part of me feels like just chucking in the towel even though I've only been there a week. Just not sure I can cope with the tears and soul searching every night (and neither can my husband!). So not really sure what the question is was just hoping for some words of encouragement that I am not the only person that feels this way and that it will get better. I am not a quitter but just feel like curling up into a ball and crying at the moment.

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

Holding your hand.

I think it takes at least two weeks to get vaguely used to a new job and for it not to be horrible so I'd definitely stick it out till Friday and then reevaluate.

What does your DH think? Would funds allow you stay at home with your DDs? Is there some kind of work you could do from home instead?

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

Of course you are not a quitter! And life is too short to be miserable. If you would be happier as a SAHM, you can financially make it work, and your DH is supportive then you can do that, you have to put yourself first.

[123bucklemyshoe]

Sozzap would like to pm you but don't know how!

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

123 click on inbox, then new message, then type in OPs user name.

[DizziDoll]

That is a pretty crap way to feel Sozzap. You are amazing though. Not only have you had a great career, you have also raising 2 wonderful girls who obviously mean the world to you.

From your OP, 2 words stand out to me: 'exciting' and 'guilt'. I get a feeling that you do want to work and putting a lot of pressure on youself to be the high flyer you were and supermum at the same time. That is a lot of pressure.
There is a middle way, you just need to find yours.

If you have the funds and the job just feels totally wrong, then I think you should consider giving it up. If you like it but feel guilty; stick with it and work on getting the balance right. A coach can give you the space to do this. I have worked with Amanda Alexander and she specialises inworking mums.

I am myself embarking on training to become a coach in January, at which time I will be looking for people to work with for a much reduced fee so send me a message if that is something you'd like to think of.

Good luck!!

[Hermione123]

This sounds like me, I think all working mums feel guilt, guilt about not being there, guilt that we're not as committed to our jobs as we used to be. Give it 3 months. Put a moratorium on worrying about 'the future' for that long, and try and worry about work at work and home at home. Take stock at that point about whether the kids are happy, you're happy etc. I've had to start two new jobs since dd was born and it's really hard to make a good impression when I have to put dd first, go home on time, take sick days for her etc. part of the guilt is probably anxiety about your job performance and not feeling validated at work. Give it more time before you chuck it in. Hard to do, I am constantly mentally on the verge of quitting as desperate for someone to tell me I'm doing a good job :(

[123bucklemyshoe]

Thank you!

[ElizabethJonesMartin]

Keep at it. IT is very early days. Longer term most women who work full time never regret it and their children can benefit from it. It gets a lot easier as children get older too.

[sozzap]

Thanks everyone another tough day and lots of tears I just need to be sensible and stop piling on the (self inflicted) pressure!

[EATmum]

I would definitely say that time back at work helps with a sense of perspective. Give it a couple of months before you make any decision. Despite the angst, it is possible to get a balance between the person you were and the person you are now.

[Cheekymonkey71]

You are not alone! Working mums feel guilty they're not giving their children their full attention and guilty their not giving their job their full attention! It's a juggle but it's a means to an end. I assume you have to work rather than just want to & if it's a job you love then that's 1/2 the battle. It will get better if if I could give one tip is to make sure the time you are with the children you make it quality time & not bring the job home, too much- good luck!