1 KIT day done and 6mo doing settling in week - the tears have started (long)

(13 Posts)
UsedToBeAPixie Sun 03-Mar-13 22:09:13

Compressed hours not really an option to be honest, I have clients that require my attention each day. Ideally DH would take DS some days, he's very keen and I think in the future it may be an option, but at the moment he never knows when he's working one week to the next and so can't guarantee which days he could do. He needs as much experience as possible to get started in his new career (it's so difficult getting into a new industry), so I don't want him to miss out on the opportunity he has.
Fingers crossed he gets settled by the time I pop out DC2 and he can save us some money by not having to put 2 in childcare full time!

Chunderella Sun 03-Mar-13 10:50:31

Sorry to hear things are so hard. I take it you've considered all options for DH working his start up round doing some childcare too? If if were a possibility for DH to eg work in just mornings and evenings and have DS home in the afternoons, or work 5 days a week with 1 at weekend, that might make you feel better about leaving him. Or could you and would you think of doing compressed hours?

Stressball Fri 01-Mar-13 20:02:15

Thanks for the update! Glad he's settling, reassures me in a weird kind I way that my little lady will eventually be ok... Left her for an hour today, swear she cried the whole time, but they said she settled then started again when they moved to the music room! I of course balled pretty much the whole day, poor customers In costa must have thought I was unhinged!

Thankfully DH is around for a while before being posted so he will be doing the nursery bit whilst I settle in with my work routine. Shes Starting half days, 3 days a week for a couple of weeks to settle her in gently, then working up to 3 full days and mid April 5 full days.

I'm struggling to let go, but I guess that's natural. Maybe I'll win the lottery this week and not have to go to work Monday! Fingers crossed!

UsedToBeAPixie Fri 01-Mar-13 09:40:43

Thanks for all your messages ladies, it is getting a little easier each day. I'm still getting a bit teary if I think about it, but it's no longer uncontrollable!

stressball - I do keep reminding myself of that very fact. You're right though, it's small comfort!

Whippet - the breastfeeding cuddle does help a lot. Although, he's started "talking" with my nipple in his mouth when he's full - so glad he doesn't have any teeth!

I've done another few KIT days (my cover resigned, of course!) and it seems things are the same (not great) and morale is a bit worse. I get the feeling that the expectation is that I'll act as some kind of Mary Poppins figure and come in and fix everything pretty much straight away hmm It's very flattering but probably not going to happen - will I care as much with the lure of thinking about DS all the time?

On the other hand it seems that DS is really settling into nursery. He's eating everything - huge amounts! - stuff that we hadn't even contemplated giving him: tomato risotto, shepherds pie, fishy pasta, Tuscan bean soup....!!! I'd only really got round to a few veg sticks/fruit purees and and some rice cakes before he went.
He's playing a lot more than at the start of the week, rather than just wanting cuddles and is taking little naps (traitor - I have to push him in the pram for hours!). He's all smiles for the carers in the baby room when we arrive and has been treating them to some "singing" apparently. Part of me is really jealous, but mostly I really pleased that he's having fun. He's always pooped as well so he has a little nap on the way home, meaning he's more alert to play with mum&dad before bed.

I just need something exciting to do at the weekend now...

whippetwoman Thu 28-Feb-13 16:27:11

Hello. I feel for you too UsedToBe I really do and Firsttime, Pixi2 and Stressball. I am also returning to work on Monday and I am in tears at the thought of it. I will also be BFing first and last thing. I am just so, so sad to leave DS who is 8 months old with the childminder. I will be in every day working 30 hours a week so will be picking him up at 3 or 4pm depending on the day. He is so clingy atm and I know he will be sad. He was there to settle in yesterday but wasn't too happy by the sounds of it. I am hoping to reduce my hours a little bit but really can't pay the mortgage, bills etc unless I do 30 hrs. Sad.

Stressball Thu 28-Feb-13 14:01:01

Totally feel for you, I'm the same! Final settling in day tomorrow, then back to work on Monday blush

Dreading it, she screamed the place down today and nothing but a mum cuddle would settle her (dead chuffed with herself and smiley when she was sat on my knee!)I'm sure as others have said it will get easier... I just hope work wasn't how I let if 10 months ago! Had a KIT day but was just chatting and sorting out my laptop... Get the feeling it's going to be as mundane as before though! Still, should be thankful I have a job in this current climate I guess, doesn't make it any easier though.sad

Firsttimemum2012 Fri 22-Feb-13 22:22:34

Hey I returned to work a month ago, 4 days a week, when DS was 6.5 months old. Its a very stressful job and there has been a lot of change in staff during my time away so I am finding it difficult.

I have found that I have some really good days when i enjoy work and feel its the best thing and some days when I miss him like crazy. I would agree with JBrd to take one day at a time.

My HV said that it's about quality time not necessarily quantity. I have been trying to make sure I am back for bath time and bedtime and on weekends we always do something fun, swimming, soft play, etc which is what keeps me going rough the week.

pixi2 Thu 21-Feb-13 14:01:02

Oh the trauma. I do remember it. It's hell. I feel for you. I cried non stop for two weeks.

It will get better. I was the main breadwinner and never thought I would be a SAHM. But dh found a better job which has helped tons.

UsedToBeAPixie Thu 21-Feb-13 13:56:26

Thanks both!
Unfortunately money is the biggest issue as DH took voluntary redundancy when DS was born and is now changing careers. It's been great for him to be at home, and great for me to have some help, but it means practically zero cash while he starts over. To be honest, even if he was still earning enough I think being a SAHM would drive me nuts too! I spend all day trying to get him to sleep or trying to entertain him while I fail to get something done... I know I'm really lucky with having a bit of leeway at work, I just hope that I don't bring my grumpiness home too often.

I'm going to make a list of productive things I can do tomorrow as he's doing a whole day, so at least I'm not moping around feeling sorry for myself (which is what my intended nap turned into today).

I'm still going to BF first & last thing for a little while so at least I still get those cuddles - and it's the weekend soon gringringrin

JBrd Thu 21-Feb-13 10:49:25

Yes, I have - or rather, I started a new job after finishing mat leave and quickly realised I didn't like it. It's agony!

To be honest, I think it's hard to leave them in childcare wether you like your job or not! But of course, leaving the lo to then go and do something you don't enjoy is worse, you have my full sympathy!

I had hoped to get pregnant again quickly as the 'easy' way out of the bad job, but just had a mc at the beginning of the year, so that plan didn't pan out.
I have now started to look for a new job, as my current one is just not right, and I can't put my life on hold by relying on getting and staying pg. I don't think that I could be a sahm (apart from the financial side of things, it'd drive me nuts), but if I have to spend my time apart from DS, I want to do something I actually enjoy. So I've decided to take the plunge and find something else.

But on the positive side, I can promise you that leaving your DS does get easier! You almost have to wean yourself of them a little bit when they start nursery, after spending every single minute with them during mat leave.
Take one day at a time, try and keep busy at work, if you can, and then enjoy the oh-so-sweet moment when you go and pick him up/see him back at home at the end of the day! Honestly, some days that's all that keeps me going smile

Good luck!

crispsarenotoneofyour5aday Thu 21-Feb-13 10:43:19

Hi there, didn't want you to go answered and here to hold your hand. Mine are both at a school now but I still remember the trauma of handing them over to someone else and just feeling that it was the beginning of them moving apart from me (drama queen - moi?). Unlike you, I didn't mind my job and was very busy so my feet barely touched the ground when I got back which helped keep my mind from dwelling on the fact that someone else was getting the cuddles and smiles and it was still hard so it must be doubly sore for you. It sounds trite but I would try and take comfort from the fact that you are in a well-paid job with flexi-hours that enables you spend time with him. I am also the breadwinner but didn't have that luxury so saw mine for barely an hour a day during the week and they grow SO fast (SAHD so they had plenty of attention at home - just not from me during the week) ... Make a list of priorities for you from your working environment and then decide whether the pros of the jobs outweigh the cons - for me take home pay was THE most single important factor so it was a question of put up and shut up!

Oh - and it will pass, the first few weeks are the worst and it does get better - especially when the little dears b*ggers start legging it off into nursery without a backward glance smile

UsedToBeAPixie Thu 21-Feb-13 10:28:22

No one?

I've just been and dropped him off again, for 4hrs this time. Every time I think about it or someone asks me how it went, I just well up sad
I think I'm going to try and have a nap - it's exhausting!

UsedToBeAPixie Wed 20-Feb-13 17:41:06

As it sounds! Just a bit of hand-holding required :'(

DS is 6mo and we're on day 3 of his settling-in week at nursery. I love the nursery and when I did my hour there with him on Monday the other babies were clearly happy and having a lot of fun (although crawling/walking so a bit older) - so I know that he'll be fine once he's settled in. It's just that I'm going back to work full time and this is the "beginning of the end" really.

Yesterday he did an hour on his own and I went to a cafe nearby. It was a bit more like I had a little break, so had a lovely posh breakfast (with both hands) and read some magazines (without someone trying to rip the pages out for me...). Today, however, was a completely different story. He did two hours by himself so I had more time to sit and ponder, and ponder I did. Tomorrow is 4 hours and then Friday is a full day - and then it's full days from then on in, which is the bit I can't get over. So of course I just sat in the cafe for 2 hours trying not to cry (failed).
Of course I knew in theory that he would be in nursery every day and I would be at work, but now it's almost a reality it's bloody heartbreaking!

To make it worse, I did a KIT day on Monday and discovered that the situation at work is exactly the same as I left (very bad staff morale etc). I'd hoped that it would have improved, or that perhaps there would be a different role available for me, but neither is the case. It's quite depressing.
Changing jobs not really an option - it's very well paid for the market (I'm the breadwinner), they've granted my flex hours and it couldn't be more convenient for nursery/getting home.
Already working out when I can reasonably start trying for DC2!!

Anyone else putting a tiny one in nursery to return to a job they're utterly fed up of?

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