Heading for a meltdown

[lightsandshapes]

Please help me as I think I am heading for a meltdown. After a year of blissful maternity leave with DS one, I think I'm heading for depression. I have worked 15 years to get into quite a good job as an academic on £40,000 pro rata (on half of this at mo). I have gone back part time, whilst DP watches baby. He works the other half at a school in nearby. The thing is it looks good on paper but I think it is doing me in trying to combine the two. DS doesn't always sleep through the night and especially seems to know when I need to sleep for work. ds is crap at getting up so i dont ask. I feel like I'm not giving hundred percent to my job because of sleep deprivation and I feel like my playfulness has gone as a mother. I feel like I'm failing on all counts and feel guilty and distant with the baby recently, when before I was so attached and bonded with him.

I do have a coaching qualification so starting my own business might be an option. I feel like I'm in a lose lose situation. If I give up the job it might be hard to get another one and I have worked hard to get where I am. I will also lose perks like a trip to Canada next year on sabbatical.If I don't give up the job I'll miss precious time with my baby that can never be repeated. Please Help sort my head out as I a heading for depression and anger, having been blissful the last year. An added stress is dps messy ways in the house. Her certainly doesn't do half, although he is deluded he does [hmmm]

[catlover83]

Hi there,

You could be me! I dont have solutions, but a great deal of sympathy.

Some thoughts: the sleeping may get better. It has for me,in general over the course of a year, though my dd still has an unnerving ability to keep me up all night just before a full day of teaching. I have been known to weep before going to work (v professional).

Do you know others like you in your institution? I wish i had more sympathetic parents around at work....

Is there anything between giving it up and being so miserable?

Does your institution do staff counselling? I am having some now for the same reasons as you, and she hasnt said anything i havent read on mumsnet, but I get an hour a fortnight to tell the truth in person and to hear another perspective.

You sound angry with your dp.

How would it be if it worked? What would it look like?

I think I am trying to think about making space for me in the day. So that's trying to achieve enough at work without being the yes-woman, trying to fit something for me into the week (yoga) and trying to slow down to the pace of my dd when I am with her (rather than mind racing about work, house as tip, xmas gifts to buy). I dont yet achieve this, but did have a nice hour playing horsey the other day. But i do worry about losing the precious years while diddling away at work doing oh-so important research that will never really matter to me in the same way.

You are not alone!

[IndigoCat]

You are not alone! I feel I am right behind you! All I would say is dont do anything drastic re. Job.

Can you take some a/l and plan to use the time to sleep or just relax at best maybe a night away? Somehow as op said try and build in some you time. Yoga, exercise or reading/ journal time alone daily.
Are you taking vitamins? I find berocca helpful (when I remember)
For me I feel it's about improving the quality of how I'm spending my time and time with the kids.

Re. Coaching could you make a plan to transition over the next 12-18 months. Building up a client base and preparing the business? Hitch would be less pressure.

Getting more sleep would make a difference for you, can you commit to going to bed at least two early nights a week? Giving you abit of a reserve if you do end up, up with little one later at night. I hope this helps

[orangeberries]

I would take all the advice on here and I would add to try and sort out the short term issues before taking on the additional pressure of starting a new business, which would require even more energy!

The sleep advice is very good, I used to go to bed at 8:30 most nights when my children were little!! It did help with exhaustion levels. Also worth checking your iron levels, they can really dip after birth. These can make you feel exhausted.

Another bit of advice is try and take 1 month at a time - things change so rapidly at this stage, before you know it you will start to feel stronger and may change your outlook on things.

With regards to missing out on stuff - you are not really, you work part-time and you are still spending loads of stuff with your child - also they are getting time with their dad which is not something many children get to experience.

I know it doesn't help you right now but really it is worth holding on (see other threads on here) as things change dramatically when they are a bit older and even now my youngest is 3 life is much much easier in so many ways!!!! Good luck, you can do it!

[Mumfortoddler]

I'm now two years back into working, DS is three. My biggest pieces of advice are:
Let the house go a bit, your sanity and your relationship with your family are more important. Its ok that the house isn't spotless. Climbing the Laundry Mountain too regularly will send you bonkers, so focus on clearing the back log once a month. Your family won't remember you for your cleanliness but they will treasure you for the bank of memories you create for them.

Re work, I also have an intensive job (CEO, must be bonkers) and yes kids have a knack of bad timing when it comes to being awake all night prior to a big day. Just try and plan out big days in advance, don't leave things to last minute, and rely on a second brain, whether its some reminder cards, a Powerpoint, or a notepad with key points you need to address during a teaching/training session or meeting.

Things do get easier, just focus on babysteps, don't look too far ahead and bit one chunk off at a time...!! x

[Bettyonholiday]

Op, I was going to post something along these lines, and then I saw your post, I know exactly how you feel. I have 2DC, 3 and 16 months, and have been back at work for 5 months working 3days per week. Like you , I think I am spreading myself too thin and not being successful In either my job or at home. Making it worse for me is that at work I have absolutely nothing to do at the moment, and in trying to be pro-active have made a few mistakes and made myself look a bit . I have found this pretty stressful. I think when you have time on your hands it's as bad as being flat out!!

I also feel like I'm wasting my time and should be at home with my DC.

It's so hard!!! I haven't got any solutions, but you are not alone, as I and other posters have said. I wish I had an alternative career up m sleeve but unfortunately I have never worked out what I really want to do. Maybe one day!


Good luck!

[lightsandshapes]

Thank you for these comments guys, Christmas I've told myself I will review everything. Colleagues not being that supportive at the moment, including one childless female colleague sending me emails with bold red capitals in them! Think I'm heading towards the giving my job up for now route.... Am I mad??? Dont want to feel a failure, but lo needs me way more than my job does I think.... I dont know how other women make this work.