Going back to work full time, DP becoming a SAHD

[WinterLover]

As the title says I'm going back to work full time on Monday. DP will become a SAHD.

DP lost his job last week after being on sick for various things since april.

I got the call about the job today, unfortunately I'm not in a position to turn it down.

I've done nothing but cry since I got the call this afternoon. He keeps saying its his fault, and tbh it is really. At the min I can't look at him. He keeps joking that him and DS will play all day, and that I'll still be doing the 'home' stuff. Thing is I know he's not joking.

Someone please slap some sense into me, I can't see our relationship lasting.

[CMOTDibbler]

Its not his fault, but you need to stop crying and sit down with your dh this evening and sort out what time you will leave and get back from work, what housework he is going to do, what you will organise, and then get on with it. Write it down, do a meal plan, and be clear - 'I will put a wash on in the morning, but you get it out', 'I need to leave at 7.30, so I will get up at 6.30 and get myself ready, so if you want a shower in peace that will need to be at 7'.

[FrightRunScream]

I was in exactly the same position this time last year. DH was made redundant, DD was 4 weeks old and DS was just 3. We realised that I was going to have to go back to work when my period of full pay (18 weeks, I realize that's good) ran out. I cried for 48 hours, but decided not to speak to work until after Christmas. So I know how you are feeling.

I can't say anything. about how it worked out though, as DH got a new job the week before Christmas. But I do know a few families with SAHDs, who get along OK. One does have a cleaner though.

[WinterLover]

Thing is it is kinda his fault we're in this position. He has a short fuse and has 'lost' it many times at work so when it came to him needing help and assistance there simply 'wasn't a suitable position for him to move to'.

Will attempt to discuss who's doing what with him tomoro

[Rockchick1984]

Winter I'm a SAHM but initially didn't have a domestic bone in my body - DH was always in charge of keeping the house clean and tidy while we both worked and I'd just get on with jobs as and when he nagged told me what to do. After becoming a SAHM my DH started making lists for me of what needed doing, and I'd try to get everything done each day.

We discovered the home routines app on my phone after reading about it on mumsnet, basically you set it up so you have a list of daily tasks divided by morning and evening, weekly tasks, and occasional tasks. We worked together to set it up so things like wiping down worktops after breakfast, bleaching the loo, empty the washing machine etc are all daily tasks. Cleaning the bathroom is a weekly task etc. you can tick them off as you go along, and it's fantastic!

It took me a good few months to get my head around everything, but now most days DH comes home to a tidy house, tea started or at least the veg prepared, and he can just relax. Of course there are days where not a thing gets done either because I've been out all day with DS, or DS has been difficult but those days now are maybe once or twice a month, they used to be at least once a week at first!

Just thought it may be helpful to hear how we managed to adjust to the change of roles. I know it doesn't help with how you're feeling about going back to work however at least it may give you some hope that you won't be working full time then all evening too! :)

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

How old is DS? I do think their age dictates what else can be done during the day. Anything over 8/9months, imo, and they are so into everything that you really only get their nap times to do housework.

BUT I.know my 11mo loves being outside so on my days off we pop out for food shopping which keeps her well entertained with all the old ladies in the supernarket cooing over her.

What do you get done during the day with ds - its not unrealistic for him to do the same amoubt as you have been doing.

How ling has he been off sick, and what sort of housework/childcare has he been doing while off to help?

[hairytale]

I work full time and DH is a sahd (he works one day a week and weekend/evenings from home and I work 30 hours over four days).

It's fine as long as you accept they won't do things the way you would, are a bit flexible about housework and who gets "time out" when etc.

DH is getting better at noticing what needs doing and as he has got into it I haven't had to prompt him as much.

[TheNameisNOTZiggy]

Watching this thread with interest as it seems I may be in the same position shortly.