Will I go out of my mind if I take a job that's several levels below my normal position?

[foxinsocks]

It's come to a point where I need to go back to work - essentially for financial reasons but also to resurrect my career.

If I go back to what I did before, I will have to have a full time live-out nanny (house too small for any live-in childcare) because my hours would be long and there would be a fair bit of UK-wide travel. The job is not stressful in itself but it is deadline driven and the stress comes in managing all the travel/workloads in conjunction with dh who has unpredictable and long hours and short notice travel. For the first two years I would probably not make vast sums over the cost of the nanny but after those years, once I was established back into my career, I would make a fair amount.

The alternative is to take a local, part time job. I could probably juggle it around the children and muddle through childcare in the holidays (I know loads of people locally so wouldn't be too difficult). The local jobs that seem to come up are of a standard that I was probably doing 10 years ago - the pay is abysmal but if I fitted it around the school hours, I would make what I would have made in the first year had I gone back to work full-time and had a full-time nanny. There would be very little career progression though.

The local jobs appeal to me much more but I'm worried that they will feel I'm way over qualified (I am but to me that's not the point!) and I'm also worried that once I start, I will wonder what the hell I'm doing!

Has anyone done this or got any advice?

[WideWebWitch]

Well option 1 sounds more sensible to me because it considers your medium to long term goal of resurrecting your career. It depends on the type of person you are, option 2 would (and has done when I took jobs at lower rates because they fitted with ds) irritate me but if you have decided that being around and having less stress is the priority for the next couple of years then maybe option 2 is the way to go. I think there's a certain amount of stress involved in doing a job way below your experience and capability too though. Sorry, this post probably isn't very helpful!

[harpsichordcarrier]

foxinsocks, co-incidentally i was having a very similar discussion with myself (?) today, brought on (I think) by the thread about "what you were doing ten years ago"... Sounds like we would be in a similar position.

For me option 2 is the only one I could contemplate. because I think I would find it very hard indeed to concentrate the time and attention on my (extremely demanding) career without feeling irritated by the demands of motherhood, and vice versa. I feel that I would end up doing both jobs not as well as I would like, IYSWIM. (I did try it for a short time when dd was around a year old and just felt pulled in too many directions.) Maybe I am just not great at multitasking or compartmentalising. (Like you, my dh works the kind of job where he could never be relied upon to help with childcare. I also don't have family locally.)
As for "going out of your mind" with a lower status job - at the risk of sounding trite) I think it is possible to do a good job in whatever you choose to do and get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction out of it, if you have the right attitude. i.e. if you're thinking - "I could be doing something better than this" all the time, then yes you will feel dissatisfied. (As well you might being at home too...) Sorry if that sounds sanctimonious. I think any job is what you make it. If you have chosen it to have the right balance in your life then you can make it work for you.
Personally I have put the idea of career progression on ice unless/until my circumstances change. Life's a long game etc etc, and in the scheme of things it is really not a priority for me right now.
HTH

[foxinsocks]

thanks - I know what you mean!

If I speak to friends in the same line of work as me, they all think option 1 and that I would be mad to do option 2 however, if I speak to friends who know me since stopping full time work, they all think option 2.

I used to be very career-driven, successful, ambitious and then I accidentally fell pregnant with dd, spent 9 months trying to forget about it and a very stressful first year working from when she was four months old. That didn't work out (she became quite ill) so I quit, had ds and stayed at home. I never ever thought I would be the sort of person that enjoyed being at home with them (especially as I felt, at the time, it was not something I had chosen) but I've loved every minute and now 4 years later, I find it quite weird even thinking about working!

[sansouci]

What's more important to you?

[Earlybird]

I'd go for option 2. I'd want to be around for sports day, the Christmas play or when my child was ill. A high powered job probably wouldn't allow you to do that.

[foxinsocks]

thanks harpsichord, didn't see your post before mine.

Yes, I think it is very much an attitude thing and to be honest, my work confidence is low (having not worked for so many years) so I think I will probably be grateful to have any job at all, all be it one that may not be as intellectually stimulating as the one I used to do!

We don't have family nearby either and like you, with a dh with a long hours, unpredictable job, it makes it doubly difficult.

[foxinsocks]

my children are more important to me but I worked so hard to get to where I did in my career and although it would take 1-2 years to get back where I was before, I could do it but it would mean sacrificing alot of time with the kids, travelling, long hours...it just pisses me off a bit to think that I can't have it all. I mean, I know I can't, I just find that frustrating! I also find it annoying that men (like dh!) in general don't seem to have to face this sort of decision.

[foxinsocks]

but I think just writing all of this has made me realise that I will have to take option 2 and do what harpsichord suggested and make sure my attitude is right and I go out there to enjoy spending a few hours working and earning some money.

[sansouci]

You don't mention how each choice would affect your children. So I was wondering if your personal advancement was more important to you than spending time with your children, especially as you say that your dh has long hours. You talk about juggling your 2nd choice around the children & muddling through childcare in the holidays. I don't want to appear judgemental but you do need to be clear about how much your children need you and their father. A career and money is terribly important but you have children, don't you need to put them first now. Sorry to be so blunt!

[sansouci]

There's a lot of me, me, me in your post.

[foxinsocks]

I think that's bloody harsh sansouci

Of course my children are the most important thing to me. I've said that already. But we need the money and it's important that I feel happy with the choice I make about work otherwise it's not going to work out.

If I didn't have any concerns about the children, there would be no option 2 because I would have already taken option 1 - in fact, I wouldn't even be in this dilemma because I would never have given up work in the first place.

[philippat]

well, personally, I'd go with option 1 BUT with making a real major effort to find a way to do it on my terms (p/t or comsultancy or something) AND after a long discussion with DH about how he's change his job too to help.

If after all that it still wasn't going to work out, I'd look for a different career that could work, even if that meant going back to college first.

While the local part time job could be absolutely great, the fact that you are basically very negative about it should tell you to think again.

[philippat]

and then I'd learn to type better

[sansouci]

Sorry, foxinsocks! I've obviously misunderstood. I didn't mean to imply that you don't put your children first. But there did seem to be an emphasis on what you want for yourself. Just an observation, not a criticism!

[philippat]

might depend also on whether you could do option 2 for a few years and then still go back to option 1? Or does taking option 2 now mean option 1 is forever gone?

[fqueenzebra]

FoxInSocks: I have a quantiative/science background and now that my last research/post-doc job has eended, I am now considering things like ironing or odd jobs gardening -- or just doing voluntary work. Because those things fit with being a mum. And I like gardening & ironing if they aren't fulltime.

You can always try the mindless-below-my-abilities-route for 6 months, and if you dont' like it, go for the high stress/power job after that. It's been 3-4 years since you were out of the loop, what's another 6 months?

[harpsichordcarrier]

nope, you can't have it all. it's a myth. there are compromises to be made left right and centre. but nothing is set in stone either and you can always change your mind! whatever you do you can see how it goes (for you and your family) and then if it's not working, change it.
hope it works out for you all.

[foxinsocks]

phillipat, Option 2 wouldn't necessarily rule out option 1 later on but I would probably have to get involved with certain factors of my old job to keep up with professional developments (but I could do that in my own time).

fqzebra, I never thought of it that way really. At the moment, I kind of feel like I'm standing at a crossroads, but I guess you're right - I don't really have to think that and I could convince myself to just try it out and see what happens. That 'sounds' much better (tricking my own mind - very pleasing!).

sansouci - don't worry, I always forget that people don't actually know what we're really like and if you knew me, then you'd know how important the kids are to me!

[Earlybird]

foxinsox - completely understand your dilemma. I waited a long time to have dd, and choose not to work at the moment. I want to be available to her, fully involved in her life, and don't frankly want the conflict of a demanding job now that my priorities have changed.

Of course, I miss the salary.....and, if I'm honest, there's a part of me that misses the prestige factor of who I "used to be" in the professional world. But, I know that being a mum is infinitely more satisfying to me, and I don't want anything to seriously interfere with it. When I go back to work (in about a year), I will be doing something far below my ability. But, I won't be expected to travel, or stay late at the office, or do many business functions outside business hours, etc. The professional sacrifice will be worth it to me, because I will benefit so much in my personal life....which is why I would go for your option 2.....

[stripey]

I agree with fqueenzebra try out option 2 and if it isn't possible/sustainable then go for option 1 without the guilt.

I sometimse think it is more stressful if you have options because then you have to justify them. Sometimes I would love to go back to work (after 5 years as a SAHM) but dh think it would be "selfish" as he earns enough and ds2 is only 3. I do enjoy not working too though and love the school run gossip!

[foxinsocks]

thanks for your comments. In fact earlybird, the thought of business functions or client dinners makes me want to cringe! I suppose a lot of my indecision stems from the fact that dd was unplanned so I never really got the satisfaction of making/taking a decision to have children. I love her to pieces and could not imagine my life without dd and ds at all. The whole family would be happier with option 2 so I guess it's a no brainer really.

But it has helped 'sounding' out on this thread, so thanks for all your help.