Need for constant arguing and debate

[marl]

Can anyone help me with dealing with a 7 year old who is very bright and quite honestly very challenging/tiring to parent!Friends and relatives will often be impressed by him and say 'here's a politician in the making' type stuff. But from morning till night he is keen to argue and debate and this tends to manifest itself in very negative perspectives on others' (including us!) This is perhaps his attempt to draw me or his stepdad into conflict with him, which he find interesting, or just to see our reactions? We are either in situations where he is trying to criticise or refine what we adults are saying or doing, or he is complaining about and criticising other people in his class at school. We have tried ignoring it, refusing to talk about the particular topic of focus any more once it's been dealt with in brief, focusing on 'the 2 best things of today' before bedtime, reasoning with him about the fact that it's the teachers job to comment on what other children are doing rather than his, but sometimes we end up getting drawn in to the arguments and become cross about his persistance which doesn't work either. We seem to be able to be able to manage 'jolly jolly jolly' for a very limited time, although perhaps this is the best tactic. Anyone found any successful ways of dealing with this? I am worried we are constantly crushing him, but are finding it very wearing putting up with it for such prolonged periods! Just to anticipate, I don't think this is an issue of reacting to step parenting etc, though this sometimes adds another layer to it, as he does it with everyone...

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

He wants to learn about human behaviour, the more you fob him off/change the subject/ignore him/refuse to talk to him the more pissed off you'll make him. Sorry, I have a child like this aswell, however You need to teach him that the teacher teaches, you need to support the teacher and tell him that she is there to help him etc. If I don't wish to discuss things with ds I will tell him that it's not a discussion which makes life easier. I would also teach him about the positive sides to people in the class, a coin has 2 sides and he needs to think about the other side, this make a good debate. He does need to learn to show patience and consideration towards others, I speak from experience here. I find that the 'that was a lovely thing for that man to do' if we see something very helpful. I have a book for my son called the 'Unwritten rules of friendship' which was recommended by someone on here, it may help your son as it teaches them social boundaries which some children find hard, things like not correcting the teacher. He needs to know what's an appropriate discussion and what isn't. The book should help.

[marl]

Thank you! It's reassuring to hear from someone who has one. My friends' children are very different so it's not always easy to get an informed perspective. Will have a look for the book.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

God it drives me nuts!
It's far worse if I tell him to be quiet though. I opt for the easy life, I'm willing to discuss things provided

A)We look at both sides
B) we don't criticise anyone else
There are other rules but these are the main ones. I did seek out some advice from a psychologist as he really was driving me nuts, he didn't view others as an equal (probably a lower life form IYKWIM), he recommended some Aristotle so ds could learn about the roles people play in society and why everyone is important. Children who are not academically matched can sometimes get above their station as there can be limited competition. Teaching them about the goodness in others and how they contribute to society can work wonders.

[legoprincess]

Sympathies from me too!

I have been aware for the last couple of years that my DS (6), tries to turn every comment I make into a debate if he has not been adequately mentally stimulated that day. It is a particular problem during the school holidays, so I now make a point of doing something 'academic' with him in the morning and then we can usually have a much more pleasant day.
I have also found that if I manage to pick up on a topic that he is interested on and expand it, we can avoid the annoying, pointless debates. And I get to learn something at the same time! Recently it has been evolution and the Second World War. It is tiring keeping up with him, but so much easier than the endless (but, usually, good natured) arguing.

[Karam]

How about trying to channel it positively by doing a bit of philosophy with him? This is all about debate and discussion! Jostein Gaarder (wrote sophie's world) did a philosophy book just for children called 'Hello is anybody there?' www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/g/jostein-gaarder/hello-is-anybody-there.htm

There is also P4C (philosophy for children), but I'm afraid I don't know much about that. I teach 'A' level philosophy and have a five year old who likes to be contrary sometimes - so we discuss philosophy and have brilliant chats about are colours real? How does she know that she exists and so on... its amazing at the arguments they can come out with sometimes, even if they do word it in a simplistic manner! HTH

[Karam]

Sorry link didn't work. Try this...

[http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/g/jostein-gaarder/hello-is-anybody-there.htm]]

[Karam]

I give up!

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

here you go Karam


Philosophy's good, anything that helps him see the other side of the coin.

[legoprincess]

That's a great suggestion about philosophy. I was trying to explain what the word means to DS this morning, just after he had told me that he likes thinking about thinking!

Off to Amazon to look for that book.........

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Philosophy's just thinking about things more indepth. Aristotle's books are about social structure, how people fit in, why we have laws, this sort of thing. There are books for children somewhere, I tend to read the adult ones though and use the ideas in them to start of a discussion.

The books really good for children who have problems with the social side of life. It doesn't come easy for some (a bit like maths) so they need a bit more guidance. It looks into their personality and helps them to understand how their behaviour can affect others. It can help some children. Have a look at it on Amazon first, it may not be suitable for all children, there are some pages to give you an idea online. See what you think.

[legoprincess]

DS is pretty good socially but he certainly likes to think about things in depth. I'm not sure about the book now that I have read the pages on Amazon. He is in Y1 but reading and comprehending at the level of Y4-5. Have you got any other suggestions for philosophy books that might appeal to him? Thanks very much.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Dick king smith books are good, as are easop's fables which are books on morals more then anything else. Even Horrid Henry can be useful, these books are like a self fulfilling prophecy, Henry is told he is horrid, therefore he is.
You don't need to give him a philosophy book, just use it for topics of conversation. If he had to make a new society from nothing, what people would he need and why? What would he change. Books only give the author's perspective on things, by using the idea you can branch out and make up your own opinion. We are just there to guide them in the right direction.