Been told tonight DD1 is G&T

[lisad123]

We are very proud Knew she was bright from an early age, so happy to see im not wrong. Only one problem im hoping you girls can answer for me.

DD1 puts a lot of pressure on herself to do well, and hates getting it wrong. Also any change in routine and places ect she panics. We can see the panic in her eyes.
Im used to this and happily explain our day when we start, and if we are going somewhere new, talking though what we are doing, looks like ect. She prefers her own company. She'll also spend hours drawing.

Is this something that comes with her being bright?? I know my nephew is G&T too and struggles with getting things wrong. He also struggles with friends. Any help please

[LouMacca]

Hi. Who told you your daughter is G&T (parents evening?) and how old is she?

[needmorecoffee]

no. Being anxious or perfectionist doesn't normally come with being bright. But getting a label can make a child feel under pressure and anxious.

[lisad123]

her teacher, shes year 1. she 5yrs

[LouMacca]

My brothers daughter is exceptionally bright. Her parents were told at around 5 years that she was very gifted. She started at Oxford 2 weeks ago.

I think every child is different. My niece has always been v. sociable and has a huge group of friends. She is a perfectionist though even down to the way she looks.

Can your brother/sister who have your nephew give you any advice? Maybe look at how he has been bought up and whether pressure has been put upon him iykwim?

[Blandmum]

G and T means that you dd is in the top 5-10% in her year, in her school.

It doesn't, of itself, mean that she is so hyper intellegent she will have trouble 'fitting in'.

would you be worried if they had told you she was in the top three in her class? Probably not.

Not 'dissing' your dd in any way, I'm sure she is grat fun etc. But sometimes parents don't always know what a school means by G and T.

It means in the to 5-10% for that year in that school

[newgirl]

my dd is gifted and we chose not to tell her - she sails through her work at school and i choose to concentrate on lots of fun instead as she tends to be quite serious - so lots of high school musical and comics for us!

[Overmydeadbody]

MB is right, but it's still a reason to be proud so carry on doing that!

Children are all different, there are no definitive characteristics that come with being bright (or not).

some children at the higher end of the spectrum can have a lot of difficulties.

Lots of children like routine and panic if things go unexpectedly.

[NightOfTheLivingThread]

DS2's teacher mentioned at parents' evening that he is on the G&T register for maths. It honestly does't mean much -- as MB says. I took it to mean something equivalent to 'in the top set'. He certainly isn't gifted at maths, just good at it. Doubt he'd go much further than A Level with it. I didn't mention the G&T thing to him as it really didn't seem more important that saying 'you're doing really well, keep up the good work

He is not a perfectionist. I always was, and it came partly from being labelled as bright.

[witcheseve]

Presume she has been like this before you were told by her teacher that she was gifted .

I recognise the anxiety issues. Some children don't like changes to routine and need to have their day explained. I can remember having problems with change full stop, new clothes, changes to bedrooms caused hugh anxieties. Not sure whether that is typical in a bright child.

You will need to handle her perfectionist tendancies carefully, tell her its OK not to get everything right all of the time and that people learn from mistakes.

It's great that she can amuse herself drawing. Make sure she always has plenty of new books too.

[lisad123]

I havent told her and dont plan to. We dont dont pressure, lots of learning though fun and doing her reading books and thats it. Im not planning to push her, she is only 5 and only a kid once.
I know G&T means top 10% of her year, and im not worried if she stays there iyswim.
Still nice to know

[witcheseve]

It is nice to know. If they keep up the good work and continue to do well in the subjects that they are G&T in then there's no reason that they cannot take it higher than A level, if they want to. That's what I've been told when asked what's the point in it.

[boolifooli]

I also recently found out that my 5 yr old is on the G & T register. But to be fair the school she attends is in the middle of a large council estate and there is a greater proportion of children with special needs compared to the average primary (that's a fact, have seen the figures) so she's probably scraped on it via mere statistics. She's anything but a perfectionist. I saw some of her writing up on the wall the other day and winced at how chaotic it looked in comparison to some of the others. But I'm not a perfectionist so I'm not surprised she isn't. She is quite quiet though, not withdrawn but not a loud child. But she does have a wicked sense of humour. Thing is now that they have said she is G & T I'm thinking 'maybe she's got Aspergers because she's a bright introvert'. Honestly. Not every child is going to be outgoing. The world is made up of quiet and loud people. Perfectionists and chaos engines. If her insular nature was creating unhappiness or problems for her you'd know wouldn't you?

[sitdownpleasegeorge]

lisa123

You don't say wether it is literacy or maths (or both) for which your dd has been classified as working at a level above that expected of her chronological age.

We too have had letters from school about ds (aged 5) and to be honest I'm ignoring them as, being his mum I know it is probably just genetic and that we have put in no effort to be proud of by having someone decide he qualifies as "G&T". I've known him to be quite bright for a long time although I don't consider him "G&T" but he does fall within Martian Bishop's classification of in the top 5-10% of his class for most things.

School can do what they like, within reason to stretch him in his field of "G&T" but at parents evening I will mainly want to discuss his social maturity (or lack of) as I see school as the opportunity for him to study and learn how to act as part of a group of individuals, how to consider the consequences of his actions, how to cope with adversity/disappointment/upheavals in routine etc alongside his peers and to form friendships and suitable relationships with the various adults around him. "People skills" is I suppose what I am getting at here, because without being good at getting along with lots of different people in various different situations he could be highly gifted and talented but IME it won't necessarily make for a happy time later on in life.

I notice you state that your nephew already has problems in this area and you have minor concerns over your dd too so I would say this this is where you need to concentrate any effort in supporting your daughter/nephew regardless of how their school classifies them intellectually as I truly believe interpersonal skills have a huge effect on the quality of a person's life later on.

[peanutbutterkid]

Lisad - Congrats to you & your DD.
If you're worried about the perfectionist streak, I think you just have to tackle that directly -- everyone makes mistakes, it's okay to make mistakes, the important thing is to fix our mistakes, etc. These are lessons that your dd (& everyone) has to learn.

[TeeBee]

Lisa, my DS has gone through periods of being a perfectionist. This has helped us:

Explaining that being clever is great, but that working hard and trying new things are what make people brilliant and exciting. And to do this means practising a lot.
If he started getting stressed about getting something wrong (usually spelling or writing a letter a certain way), to say 'it's okay, you are practising something new'. Rather than mentioning the word 'mistake'.
Instilling that everyone's best is ALWAYS good enough.
Not pointing out things that are not perfect - for example I rarely point out spelling mistakes because I know he would shy away from using that word for the fear of getting it wrong. For me, the spelling is less important than feeling free to put your thoughts down. Okay, if he gets to 15 and his spelling is crap, I will readjust my approach

[figroll]

I have 2 dds who are "G&Ts" and one is a perfectionist to the point of distraction - it is shame because it makes her worry terribly and now that she is 16 I am starting to worry about the pressure she puts on herself. She works terribly hard and is a total contrast to dd2.

Dd2 is no way a perfectionist - messy, scribbling in her books, does her homework in 5 minutes flat - what would you call the opposite?

[boolifooli]

What would I call the opposite of someone who is a perfectionist? Someone who I can allow into my filthy house without wincing everytime they noticed my many questionable carpet stains.