I know /don't think my dd isn't G&T, but is there anyting I can do to help her?

[Feelingbetterslowly]

She went 4 last month, and I feel like I should be doing more for her. She is very smart, but I would not say she was gifted. She gets a lot of attention (she is an only child and I am a single parent), although this has taken a dramatic downturn since I started at uni as she is at nursery full time. I am as far from pushy as you can get, but am getting increasingly worried that I'm not doing enough for her.

I am doing a degree at Cambridge so is growing up in an academic environment(yes, I know you all think I'll think she has "good genes" and so must be bright, but I don't particularly think I'm that bright, I just work incredibly hard so get good grades, and she is definitely smarter than I was at her age, or even am now!), and spent three years studying leading up to it, so she has always had books, pens, paper, and general study things around her.

She spends hours writing in her little pads, but has each letter spaced evenly and will keep going until she has filled the page/book completely (but does no show any other signs of ocd-I was convinced she had ocd to start with but it seems to be more just how she does things). She was stamping today did the same number of each stamp and had the lines evenly spaced (it was a plain page), and everything she wants to do or ask questions about revolves around reading or writing or learning based things (she point blank refuses to do writing and reading workbooks however!).

She adores making bead patterns (with hama beads, aqua beads etc) and will spend hours just making patterns in painstaking detail. She is incredibly observant and constantly asks questions like "why do we have eyelashes", and remembers things like who carved her pumpkin and what time they did it when she was 18 months old. I have noticed things since having her that I would have never seen in a million years if she wasn't with me-she takes in everything-she will see tiny details in mosaics like a speck of colour imperfection 6 feet above her head, or if I change something around without realizing in the study (which she rarely goes in-she's not stopped from going in in any way shape or form but just tends not to as I only go in there after she is in bed).

Is there anything I can do to make sure I am not making her life worse or ruining the intelligence she does have? I am so worried that I am not nurturing her enough. She is desperate to start music lessons, and these seem well suited to her painstaking attention to detail in everything and her need to have something to really concentrate on, and she is also very very into art and dance, but I feel that doing extra curricular activities after nursery is just too much for her, and she spends weekends with her dad for access.

Do I just let her carry on being four and see what they say when she starts school, or should I be doing things with her now? I just feel like she is not getting enough focused attention-we spend a lot of time together, and she gets a lot of attention, but now my exams are approaching we just seem to spend the time together winding down, or watching tv or having a bath or a cuddle and a giggle, and she is wiped out before she even gets upstairs for a story, so we haven't read together for weeks.

[Fullmoonfiend]

I think you are being too hard on yourself. it sounds as though you have laid excellent foundations for her and a small period of her life when you have to focus on other things will not do her any harm in the bigger picture...you cannot 'ruin' intelligence and most kids (regardless of intellectual capabilities) learn from their everyday environment and through play.
Is she in nursery now? A good nursery will adapt activities to suit all children. And it won't be long before she is in school, and they will be well placed to help her accordingly if they think she needs extra stimulation.

i think you sound like a fabulous mum and 'winding down, watching tv together, and giggles and cuddles' are more important than extra curricular activities.
Good luck in your exams!

[Feelingbetterslowly]

Thank you-we are surrounded by mums who want their kiddies to be dons, and so really push their dc's, which I don't believe in-if they want to do it they will do it, but sometimes you can't help feeling like you are not being a good enough mum or giving your dc a good enough start when talking to to them!

[Fullmoonfiend]

I do now a little of how you feel. 4 years ago One of my kids was IQ tested as part of a bigger assessment for a learning difficulty and I was shocked and scared to find out that, although not anywhere near 'genius' level he has an 'exceptional' IQ. But he is the most unacademic child you could find. At 4 he was asking deep questions which I struggled with (being an average kind of gal ) and when we found out his potential, I went into headless chicken mode and berated myself for letting him play snakes and ladders, instead of teaching him chess I soon realised he was unpushable, and I stopped fretting so much. He is avidly interested in many things but hates school and that whole formal learning environment. He'll probably never go to Uni, but will be a shit-hot member of the pub quiz team....
My point being (sorry for burbling) is that children will be, who they will be, and an intelligent child will find stuff out for themselves if they want to.

[Fullmoonfiend]

know

[Feelingbetterslowly]

Ooooooh I love you fullmoonfiend! I get those questions too-usually repetitively when trying to cook dinner/talk to someone on the phone/sleep-"It's 5am-I want to sleep-I really don't care!!!" is not the answer I had envisaged myself giving before I had her! xx

[Fullmoonfiend]

lol,at some point in mid-stream, ds now stops, looks at me slightly sadly and say ''I know, I know, we'll have to ask Google...''

[Elkat]

Read about an educational psychologist called Vygotsky. Initially, his ideas were overlooked, but have been developed in recent years, and I think they make a lot of sense. I'm a teacher and not only use it with my students, but follow the basic principle with my daughter. I don't think you can go far wrong if you follow his ideas!
HTH

[scaryteacher]

Chill, spend time with her, which you are doing, feed her books, and you can't go far wrong.

Good luck with your exams incidentally. What are you reading? Which college are you at? When stressed, go to Fitzbillies bakery and treat yourself to a chelsea bun.