Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications, experience, or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk and cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you have any serious medical concerns we would urge you to consult your GP.

So it looks like DH has a brain tumour

(1000 Posts)
tunnocksteacake Fri 09-Aug-13 20:55:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoreOfWhabylon Mon 26-Aug-13 21:08:19

Wishing and hoping for you, Tunnocks x

Bowlersarm Mon 26-Aug-13 21:13:40

Positive, positive thoughts to you and DH

chocoluvva Mon 26-Aug-13 21:15:49

Remember that the medics only have scans to go on - they frequently look worse than the reality.

Oh I really feel for you - it's so difficult not to go over all possible outcomes. sad

One day at a time - try to wait to see how things are after the op.

lborolass Mon 26-Aug-13 21:29:43

Oh dear, I hope you were able to enjoy the bank holiday as best you could.

alterego2 Mon 26-Aug-13 21:30:45

Your hope is just hiding - it's still there underneath. Otherwise you wouldn't miss it.

Praying for you. Not just for your DH - that's a given - but for you: that you find and keep your hope. And your amazing strength.

tunnocksteacake Mon 26-Aug-13 21:31:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tunnocksteacake Mon 26-Aug-13 21:33:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tunnocksteacake Mon 26-Aug-13 22:03:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 26-Aug-13 22:13:06

none of us have a crystal ball for the future tunnocks, we just dont know what tomorrow will bring any of us - that is why we must, cliche as it sounds, learn to enjoy the here and now. Every single one of us. I can't tell you that it will all be fine because i don't know that but the love you have for your DH jumps from your posts and he sounds like he is being as positive as he can be, and that counts for so so much - so {{here}} is your hope back again, own it xx

sybilfaulty Mon 26-Aug-13 22:15:35

When my dad was ill, I couldn't bear to think of the future other than in stages. Just get through today, then tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Every day is a step closer to wellness. Every day is a step closer to getting this sorted.

Sending you love and strength.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 26-Aug-13 22:15:48

Tunnocks, I hope beyond hope that it's not and just gives you a temporarily rocky ride.

We're all here for you.

Xxx

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Tue 27-Aug-13 00:51:29

Tunnocks - I don't know sad

All I know is, that it's important to do your very very best to stop it stealing the here & now. You can't change the future, but you can change how you act now, this very minute.

This stage of not knowing & not being able to do anything pro-active is the worst. Very soon you will have some answers and A Plan. Things to do, appointments to go to - an attack on this bastard thing.

PastaBeeandCheese Tue 27-Aug-13 06:09:53

I agree with chipping.

DangoDays Tue 27-Aug-13 06:21:21

Morning Tunnocks. As LEM and Chipping point out we just don't know what will happen in the future but having a plan and embracing what you have - as you amazingly are doing - is certainly part of living in the spirit of wellness. Love and light to you today.

Barbie1 Tue 27-Aug-13 06:22:35

Live for today and not tomorrow.

These are the words that you need to follow.

Fill your today's with love and laugher, happy memories and fun times.

May every day be a blessing to you and your family.

Thinking of you and wishing you much happiness as you and your dh go forth into the unknown.

Trazzletoes Tue 27-Aug-13 06:54:52

I'm with Chipping too.

Easy to say, but honestly try to focus on one day at a time. Looking forwards is pointless. It will get easier to cope with once treatment starts.

I'm not sure of the accuracy of saying scans make things look worse than they are hmm. I don't see how they could, I'm afraid. But that's not a reason to lose hope. You are still at the start of this. It's still a huge shock and you still don't have the whole picture.

Remember that percentages mean nothing because they aren't 100 of your DH. Remember that even with a 1% survival rate, someone is that 1%. There's no reason right now why it shouldn't be him.

And although it doesn't feel like it, you're doing amazingly well. I can guarantee if you look back at my first thread about Joe ( and I'm not seriously suggesting it as I'm sure you have better ways to spend your time) you will see me saying the exact same stuff.

It's really tough. I'm sorry you're having to go through this x

minmooch Tue 27-Aug-13 09:33:37

It will define your future Tunnocks but not steal it.

In hospital at the moment with my DS fighting an unknown infection but even on the way here at 4:00 am we were able to smile at each other. Somehow you manage to live, love and laugh through this fucking awful cancer malarkey.

Much love from me, these early days are horrendous as you wait for proper diagnosis and treatment to start. Use this time to absorb the shock of it all.

DianaTrent Tue 27-Aug-13 10:25:02

On occasion scans can look worse, yes, inflammation around an area can make the area affected look bigger than it is, although this is much more of an issue post treatment, and a tumour can look more aggressive than the histology would tell you once you get it out and actually see what you have. Unfortunately you really won't know anything more about your own situation until after the operation. Anything you can do now to get you through to that point is good, it's easier to cope and find courage when you feel that the fightback has begun. thanks

MrsShrek3 Tue 27-Aug-13 10:36:15

tunnocks, choose something to do for as much of today as you have available to you. in similar position waiting for treatment we did a little thing each day. sometimes it was a full day out and other times it was a fifteen minute bedtime story with the dc, or cooking together, or just siting together listening to a favourite piece of music. All fairly random. but putting a "thing" in each day made me (us) feel like we were living in the now, not just going about in a zombie state waiting for something bad to happen iyswim.
hugs and thanks for strength for today.

Trazzletoes Tue 27-Aug-13 10:53:30

Thanks for that explanation Diana thanks

HighJinx Tue 27-Aug-13 11:13:41

I have no wise words to add to the many that are already here but I am thinking of you and wishing for the best possible outcome. x

chocoluvva Tue 27-Aug-13 11:58:09

Good morning Tunnocksteacake.

I'm sorry to be vague about scans. I was trying to say that the images obtained from scans don't always give an exact idea of the nature/extent of the problem. My understanding is that the scans indicate an area of 'abnormal' tissue - but the abnormality can include areas that are inflamed/scarred etc - they will show everything that appears different from the surrounding areas regardless of the reason.

In my own case - stage 3 colorectal cancer with lymph node involvement - the scans revealed a large tumour and 'spots' throughout the surrounding areas, including two lymph nodes. However my consultant and my surgeon both stressed to me that their interpretation was "possible involvement" of two lymph nodes, ie there was something going on at those two lymph nodes which might be clusters of cancer cells or might just be inflammation. The surgeon said more than once that he couldn't really properly tell until he'd done the op and had the lymph nodes biopsied. Subsequent biopsies revealed a small cluster of cancer cells close to one of the lymph nodes - worrying, but not as worrying as being told that there was cancer in two lymph nodes - which might have been the case.

The scans also showed a "shadow" on one lung. This has never been explained - it didn't change after all the treatment so was possibly scar tissue or just some random 'thing', but it wasn't malignant.

My neighbour had a scan of her chest which looked like lung cancer - she was in a ward with patients getting treatment for lung cancer - but it turned out to be something else too.

I also know of a lady who had a massive growth in her abdomen which turned out to be non-malignant!

Obviously, I'm not so foolish as to try to advise you on the basis of these personal experiences that your DH's doctors might be wrong - I would think that's very unlikely - but it might not be quite as bad as it seems IYSWIM. The point is they don't know exactly how things are yet.

I understand how difficult it is to know what to try to think and how to approach things in your horrible situation. On the one hand as you've said you can feel that you don't want to hope in case it makes things harder later, on the other hand the thought of the worst case is just awful and so difficult to think about and you feel you ought to hope. And whatever you think won't have any influence on the outcome anyway, even though you've been hopeful, hopeless, determined, terrified.... All those clichés about being on an emotional rollercoaster are so true.

My heart goes out to you - the waiting is awful.

I am sending my most positive vibes to your DH and you.
.

chocoluvva Tue 27-Aug-13 11:59:52

As usual I have cross-posted - and not as succinctly as Diana The phone rang in the middle of my post.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Tue 27-Aug-13 12:05:01

It is a lovely day here, the sun is shining (after a wobbly start earlier on), I hope it is where you are too. I don't know what your plans are for the day, but if it's a nice day there try to get out in the sunshine for a while, maybe a short walk or a trip to the playpark and a bit of lunch or afternoon tea in the sun. Sunshine is good for the body & the soul smile Love & strength xxx (& for Trazzle, Minmooch & others in need too - I have plenty to go around!)

digerd Tue 27-Aug-13 19:39:41

Just met a lady today who told me she had a brain tumour diagnosed after she had an epileptic fit. She had it operated on 19 years ago. They had to leave a tiny bit, had a very mild type of short chemo, just incase, and never grown back or spread to any other organs. Her son was only 2 at the time.
There is hope.

This thread is not accepting new messages.